Sasuto Productions
by NeoMoonPrincess
Summary: So, Sasuke killed Itachi and Orochimaru, and came back. What's he to do now? Why, whip out the PWNsome camera and start filming the craziness that is home videos...done by Sasuke and Naruto! NOT YAOI. RATED M FOR SWEARING.
1. Number 1

XTheCherryOnTopX does not own Naruto.

The picture starts with Naruto, who is grinning at the camera. Sasuke's back is to the camera, and when he turns around, grins evilly.

"Hello."

"Aloha."

"Hi."

"Ohaiyo."

"Hola."

"Ni-hao."

"Konichiwa."

"Greetings. How goes it?"

"Hey there, pretty camera."

"Ew, Sasuke, you pedophile. Stop flirting with the camera."

"Im not flirting, fuckface. Im Uchiha Sasuke."

"Im not fuckface, Im Uzumaki Naruto."

"This is Sasuto Productions #1."

"Why are we doing a productions anyways? No one's gonna watch it."

"So that fifty years from now, when Im a handsome, sexy man and your old and wrinkly, we can watch these and laugh it up. Hopefully you won't choke on your laughter and die."

"Fuck you, man. Well, let's begin. This is our first production, so we have to explain some things to the incompetents who will be watching this one day."

The camera cuts to Naruto standing next to an easle and Sasuke walking over to the opposite side. The easle has several papers on it and the first one is blank. They have a chop stick each and Sasuke is wearing Harry Potter's glasses on his head.

Sasuke begins "It begins with us. Naruto and Sasuke." (points chopstick to poorly drawn illustration of smiling Naruto, who looks like a cat because of the overly emphasized fox ears and whiskers, and frowning Sasuke who looks like he is wearing red sunglasses, to represent sharingan)

Naruto states "We belong to the original team 7. (flips paper to show poor stick figure drawing of team 7) led by Hatake Kakashi. He's a jonin, ex- ANBU, is always late, and likes to read porn. He also has sharingan in one eye, therefore called the 'copy ninja'" (points to sentence- Kakashi+Sharigan=Copy Ninja)

"Naruto is the dobe of team 7. He likes ramen and wants to be Hokage. He is also a jinchuriki. That's right, folks. Inside this dobe is the 9 tailed fox-demon. He knows the 4th hokage's Rasengan." (flips paper and points to drawing of Naruto, who has a crazed face on. Red swirls are drawn around him and he has a fluffy tail, ears, and whiskers. There is a light blue swirly drawn in his hand to represent Rasengan.)

"Sasuke is the teme of team 7. He is the avenger, and he likes Sakura-"

"Shove it up your ass!"

"Shut up.... Anyways, he has sharingan and knows how to use chidori. His hair is like a chicken butt! All the girls like him. I don't see why. Im much more handsome, and cool. He loves tomatos." (points to drawing of Sasuke, who has red bug eyes, and blue crooked lines coming from his hand to represent Chidori. His mouth has a tomato in it, like a dog holding a bone. There is a poorly drawn picture of some fangirls, including Ino and Sakura, behind him. Sasuke has a navy blue chicken sitting on his head to represent his hair, and has a thought bubble that says- "") We have another teammate. Sakura."

Sasuke rolls his eyes "Enter Haruno Sakura. She's a crybaby apprentice of the current hokage, Tsunade. She loves to scream at us and she thinks she's better then us. Her hobby is bitching us. (points to picture of Sakura who has a huge head and is screaming at Naruto and Sasuke, who are blowing away and clinging onto a pole) Her pink hair and huge forehead make her "unique". Her best friend and rival is Yamanaka Ino."

Naruto "Enter Yamanaka Ino. She's loudmouthed, vulgar, and loves making herself pretty- though we all know THAT will never work. She also is learning medical ninjutsu under Tsunade, along with Sakura. She is the lone girl on team 10, also known as Ino-Shika-Cho. She, along with me, Sakura, and Sasuke, are part of an infamous group known as Konoha 13."

Sasuke "Enter Konoha 13. There's Hyuuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba, and Aburame Shino. Inuzuka Kiba a loser. He is just like Naruto, with the addition of love for mutts. (points to drawing of Kiba wearing a t shirt that says "love for mutts"). Aburame Shino. This guy, I kinda like-"

"Ewww, Sasuke, you freaking gay-o! You have it bad for Shino!"

Sasuke (to Naruto) "Shut up, frodo." (to camera) "Shino uses bug techniques. He has bugs living inside his body, and they feed off his chakra. Bla bla bla. A wielder of the Byakugan and Jyuuken, Hinata is the shy, babyish ex- heir to the Hyuuga clan. She is quiet and always faints around Naruto. She has a cousin- Hyuuga Neji."

Naruto "Enter Hyuuga Neji. He once tried to kill Hinata during the Chunin exams, but luckily, failed. After that, I kicked his ass and taught him a lesson. He is forever indebt to me. Anyways, Neji is a proclaimed genius, and the prodigy of his clan. (shows drawing of long haired boy who has a thought bubble that says "Im so cool, and my hair is so pretty") He has a girlfriend- Tenten. Tenten is known as Konoha's _Kinzokuryuu_, the Metal Dragon.(shows drawing of a lizard) She is called this because she is a weapon's specialist. Apparently, she has the biggest arsenal in the Land of Fire. However, she drastically needs to change her hairstyle. Its getting annoying. (points at drawing that says "Tenten=Panda") She also has a passion for beating me up. Sakura used to do that, but she doesn't anymore since Sasuke came back. Along with Neji and Tenten, there is their teammate, Rock Lee."

"Enter Rock Lee. Bowl cut, huge fuzzy eyebrows, always sceaming shit about youth, and wearing green spandex 24/7, along with orange leg weight covers, Lee is the ultimate defenition of a loser-"

"Sasuke-teme! Lee's not a loser!"

"Oh, fine. Lee excels in Taijutsu and is talentless in Ninjutsu or Genjutsu. He's always training, and talking about youth. (shows drawing of Lee, who is screaming "YOUTH! GAI SENSEI! YOSH!") He's overly nice, and he is a mini-me of Maito Gai, who is his, Neji's, and Tenten's Sensei. Last and kinda least, is Nara Shikamaru, Akimichi Chouji, and Sai."

"Shikamaru is a genius too. He's extremely smart, lazy, shadow manipulator. He likes to do nothing, sleep, and watch clouds. He's always saying everything is troublesome. He's always complaining. He also has a girlfriend- Temari. He and Neji are the only ones with girlfriends in Konoha 13 right now. How sad is that?"

"Akimichi Chouji. Loves food. He's a fatass-"

"Don't say that, Sasuke-teme!"

"Shut up. He's always eating chips, and goes to the Water Country specifically to buy his favorite flavor. His jutsus are wierd, and calling him fat in front of him is taboo. Chouji loves to eat BBQ."

Naruto sighs "And last, there's Sai. Sai is from ROOT, a branch of ANBU. This old fart called Danzo used to be the leader of it. He's in jail now. Sai was Sasuke's replacement for team 7 after Sasuke left to get power from the King of Pedophiles-"

Sasuke grabs Naruto's collar so they are 1 inch apart "One more word, dobe, and Tenten will have your ass."

"Ruin it, why don't you. Anyways, Sai is wierd. He grew up in an environment that did not acknowledge feelings, so he learns about feelings by reading about it in books. However, he mostly epic fails it. He is overly obsessed with dicks. Talk about wierd. However, his jutsus are amazing and he's a really talented artist. Im pretty sure he's not gay. Just to prove it, we have to get him a girlfriend."

"So, that's Konoha 13-"

"Hey, guys!" Sakura appears. Naruto takes the camera off the stand.

"Hey, Sakura-chan. What's up?"

"Nothing much. Hey, a camera! What are you guys doing with that?"

"What do you think, bitch?" Sasuke spits at her. Sakura glares.

"I was just asking, Sasuke-kun-"

"No one cares."

"Ooh, burn. (zooms in on Sakura's big forehead) We're doing a production, Sakura-chan, It's called "Sasuto".

Sakura gets all excited "A production, cool! Can I be a part of it too?"

"Its called Sasuto. Sasuke. Naruto. No Sakura. Did you hear any Sakura? Cuz I didn't." Sasuke says.

"I was just asking Sasuke. You don't have to get all rude. Just because I asked a simple question doesn't mean you have to snap at me. I only wanted-"

"Are you going to bitch me now? Cuz I get enough of that off camera."

"Hmph. (Sakura walks away) See if I care. Have fun with your stupid production."

"Dude, that was mean. You should apologize."

"Don't you dare bitch me, Naruto. Im Sasuke and Im ending this."

"Im Naruto, stuck in a battle between cherry blossom and chicken ass."

"Fuck you. Time for a beating, Naruto. Tenten's not here, so Im going to do it." Sasuke advances towards Naruto to punch him, and the camera cuts.


	2. Number 7

The camera starts with Sasuke, who's back is to the camera. He turns around, and has a large, black curly mustache painted on his face. He smooths it with his fingers, and wiggles his eyebrows at the camera.

"Allo, diz iz Sa-soo-too Pero-dugh-sheen num-bear see-ven. Mey naym iz Soz-keh, and ay-(drops accent) am acting extremely gay. Gross shit."

"For real, man."

"Ayways, incase you didn't notice, Naruto and I painted gay, curly mustaches on each other. We're really bored, so we decided..."

"To make today a production and follow up on one of our rituals! And that is bothering Neji."

"So here we are, in front of Neji's house."(camera turns to reveal large home with 2 floors)

"What a place."

"It's shit compared to mine."

"Your so mean, Sasuke."

"Your such a pansy, Naruto."

"There's a good name for people like you. Its something like, 'prick'."

"It should be "Awesome one" or "Sasuke"."

"Go jump in a lake, Sasuke."

"Make me, dobe. Apparently, there are some people over, so we are gonna go in and demand to know why we weren't invited."

Sasuke ties his forehead protector onto his head. "Let's do this shit." (takes camera from Naruto, so he can be seen. He also has his forehead protector on, and black lines painted underneath his eyes, along with the a gay, curly mustache.)

"On three, Sasuke. 3..."

"2..."

"1..."

"AGHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Naruto goes running and screaming like a retard towards Neji's house, before opening the door and running inside. Sasuke is still standing where he was.

"Haha, sucker. He actually thought I was going to run in there like that? (hears screaming and yelling from inside house) Naruto, you fucking pussy, Neji's going to kill you. Better go tape him make a dumbass of himself. Again."(starts running towards the house humming James Bond theme)

On reaching the door, Sasuke rings the doorbell over and over. When Neji answers, he continues to ring it and yells "Hiya, Neji! How are ya?! Im great!Can I come in!? Really, I can!? Gee, thanks! (shoves past Neji) Oh Kami. Naruto, you crazy shit."

Inside, Tenten, Lee, Hinata, and Kiba are staring at Naruto, who is now hanging from the chandelier, screaming and waving his pants.

"HEY!!! LOOK AT ME!!!! IM A MONKEY!!!(sees Sasuke with the camera) OH, CAMERA! SASUKE, HERE! HERE! (waves at camera) GREETINGS!"

"STOP IT!!!!! THIS ISN'T ONLY MY HOUSE!!!!" Neji screams.

"We don't give a flying fuck, so shut up Neji. You make me ashamed to know you." Sasuke spits.

"I think Naruto and Sasuke have been drinking again." Kiba announces.

"We don't drink!" Naruto screams in protest.

"Is it Sasuke's sake?" questions Tenten.

"Or Naruto's vodka?" adds Hinata.

"Or some other alcohol they've grown fond of?" says Lee.

"YOU FUCKING BIRDS, WE DON'T DRINK!!!!" screams Naruto.

"NARUTO YOU ASSWHIPE!!! GET DOWN NOW!!!! WHY ARE YOU STILL UP THERE?!?!" Neji screams, running around in circles underneath the chandelier Naruto is hanging from.

"BECAUSE I HAVEN'T COME DOWN YET, NEJI-(realizes what Neji called him)_ASSWHIPE!?! _I'LL TEACH YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!!!! (pulls out paintball gun from pocket of his pants) PREPARE TO BE SHOT!!!" (starts shooting at Neji, and also in random places, like the windows, stairs, kitchen, dining table)

Sasuke points the camera up so Naruto is seen, screaming and shooting. "Look at that, ladys and germs....(zooms in on Naruto's boxers) our little boy's all grown up. He's finally wearing boxers instead of briefs. (sniff) Oh, lookie here. (zooms in on Neji's horrified face) Look at the pinprick now. Not so cool and great, are ya? Can't stop Naruto on a rampage!"

Naruto gets a manical look on his face "HAHAHA!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!!!(jumps down from chandelier onto the dining table; Neji runs over to grab him but Naruto escapes) DIE BITCH!!!!" (shoots Neji 3 times in the leg)

"AGGHHH!" Naruto runs around, crashing and breaking things, and shooting things. He trips over a chair, falls on it, and it breaks. Neji, who can't walk cuz he got shot in both legs repeatedly, is screaming.

"YOUR GONNA FIX THAT!!!!!"

Sasuke answers, "No, Neji, we aren't gonna fix that. The way we never fixed your dojo, your kitchen sink, your garden hose, the filter for your pool, the targets for your training field, the upstairs shower, your closet door, the wall in your living room, the cabinets in the kitchen-"

"What did you do to the cabinets in the kitchen?"

"Oh you haven't seen that one yet? I'm not gonna spoil the surprise, I'll let you discover it for yourself."

Neji crawls to the kitchen…"HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HOLE GET THERE?? ANSWER ME!!!!" (crawls back out, tearing)

"No, Neji. Im not gonna answer-" Sasuke is interupted by Naruto, who accidently shoots him in the back of his head. Sasuke reaches up to his head, swipes it, and brings his hand down to reveal green paint.

"Naruto....(turns slowly) Naruto, you....ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME, BITCH???"

Naruto sticks his tongue out at him, from his place standing on the railing of the stairs. "SO?? MAYBE I AM, FUCKFACE!!!!"

"BRING IT ON, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!" Sasuke produces a paintball gun from his pocket, and he and Naruto run around, shooting each other. Tenten runs to help Neji, and Kiba, Hinata, and Lee and they run for cover. Neji wobbles back up on his feet. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???? WHY MY HOUSE???? WHY ALWAYS ME?!?!?"

"We're incompetent. One question at a time, please." Naruto says pleasantly.

"YOU DO THIS EVERY MONTH!!!! NO ONE ELSE DOES THIS!!!!!"

"That's cuz they don't know how to have fun." Sasuke answers, as he opens the refridgerator door and uses it as a shield. Naruto grabs a plate to use as a sheild, and drops it. It falls to the floor and shatters.

"Oops.(grabs another plate, it falls and shatters) Oops. Hey...(looks around) Sasuke, where did everyone go?"

Sasuke frowns, and looks around. "I dunno. Hey, do you hear that? Outside?"

Both boys pause and listen, and Sasuke goes over to the window. "Awww, great. They got Tsunade." (Naruto goes over to window)

"Damn, they're looking at us. What do we do?"

Sasuke smiles. "Smile and wave, Naruto." (they wave at the people outside)(Sasuke zooms in on Tenten, who seems to be screaming)

"Tenten doesn't seem to appreciate our friendly gesture."

"That's cuz she's a bitch. She learned it from Sakura."

"Well, before they come inside, lets go out." (they go outside)

Tenten screams "Naruters!" and runs towards him.

"Fuck." Naruto turns to run, but is grabbed by the collar, by Tsunade. Tenten takes Neji, who is sobbing, inside his ruined house to console him.

"Enough. Sasuke, Naruto. I better not hear about any of this again. EVER. You guys do this to him every month! Don't you have anything to say for yourselves?"

Sasuke and Naruto look at each other, and back at Tsunade. They both shrug.

Tsunade sighs. "Ive already decided your punishment. No missions for a month."

"But Tsunade-no-baachan, I live on mission fees! I can't go broke!" Naruto breaks down sobbing. Tsunade rolls her eyes. "Whatever. Oh, and both of you have to apologize to Neji. Naruto first."

"Alright." (Naruto leaves)

"Sasuke, Im shocked at you. I never thought you were the type of person to do something like this. Don't you think your bringing shame to your clan?"

"On the contrary, Hokage-sama, my clan is nonexistent. And they were a bunch of pricks and sissys who don't know how to have fun-"

Naruto comes back with a big stupid smile on his face. "Tenten got mad at me 'cause I said Neji is a cock-sucking pussy, and I came here 'cause it's the only place I know how to get to."

"What?!? You were just supposed to apologize, Naruto!"

"I did. And then I called Neji a cock-sucking pussy."

"Shut up! Sasuke, go apologize!"

Sasuke leaves. He has the camera, so everything he does is on tape.

"Hey, Neji." He says calmly as he walks in. Tenten is sitting on the couch, Neji's head in her lap. He is sobbing. Tenten looks up and glares at him. "What do you want, Sasuke?"

Sasuke yawns. "I have to aplologize." (Neji looks up)

"I don't wanna hear it. Go away."

Sasuke gets pissy "You have a problem with me, slutface?"

"Yeah, asshole."

Sasuke lets out a loud, high scream. He drops the camera, falls on the floor, and has a tantrum, which is caught on tape. Naruto walks in, Tsunade behind him. He picks up the camera and helps Sasuke up, glaring at Neji.

"I hope your happy, Neji." Naruto says. Sasuke sniffles. "Let's go." the camera stops.

The camera cuts to Sasuke, who has a big black permanent marker in his hand. He is standing in Neji's house again. Naruto is taping.

"Ok, Sasuke. Begin." Naruto says. Sasuke nods and opens the marker, and begins drawing all over the living room walls. Sasuke draws middle fingers, kitchen appliances, Tenten and Neji stick figures making out, Neji getting killed by Sasuke, Neji getting run over by a stampede of Naruto clones, Neji getting stabbed. He also writes stuff. _'Neji loves men.' 'Tenten is a bitch and doesn't belong here.' 'Neji is is slut.' 'Tenten eats shit' 'Neji, I did something to your bedroom. Just a warning.'_

"What did you do to his room, Sasuke?" (zooms up on the 'warning' Sasuke wrote)  
"Go see."

Both boys go upstairs to Neji's room. There is broken eggs and toilet paper everywhere. All of Neji's clothes and underwear is thrown around the floors, and the sinks are clogged with paper towel and egg. On the walls is written in huge letters _"NEJI HYUUGA IS A GAY SLUTFACE.' _

Naruto laughs. "Neji's going to loooove this." They go back downstairs to find Neji and Tenten standing, grocery bags in hand. Both are staring at the walls Sasuke wrote on. Tenten turns her head sharply when she sees them.

"What are you guys doing here? Better yet, what did you do? You better not have done anything, or im calling the Godaime-"

"So? Whats she gonna do? No missions for a year? Im rich, I don't need it." Sasuke spits. Tenten glares, and Neji runs up the stairs. Naruto tapes this, giggling.

A few moments later, a loud scream goes through the house. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! MY ROOOOOMMM!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sasuke says "Yeah, Asshole? I might've done something to your room. I recommend not opening your door."

Neji comes back downstairs, looking kinda high, and they all turn around to see Tsunade standing there, with Tenten, who has a smug look on her face.

Naruto says "What the fuck? We turn around for 1 minute and she gets the godaime. How is that possible?"

Sasuke points at Naruto, runs over and hands the black marker to Naruto, and sits on the couch looking innocent.

"Oh yeah. That's real convincing, Sasuke." Tsunade says. Both boys look at each other, and then run for it, laughing insanely. Tenten is screaming and Tsunade runs after them.

The camera cuts to Sasuke and Naruto, who are sitting on the roof of Neji's house.

"That stupid slutface. We go to have some fun in his house and his bitch calls in her bitch brigade- I mean, the Hokage- on us." Sasuke says angrily.

"Yeah, no kidding. Im Naruto, and on probation for "violation of personal property"."

"Im Sasuke, and Im on the same boat as Naruto."

Sobbing is heard from beneath them. Sasuke snickers. "Just listen to that pansy."

Naruto rolls his eyes. "You didn't have to go try to blame me for what you did to his room."

"Shut up. Hey, I'll bet you-"

"Im not making any bets on your trash."

"Don't you call my art trash, you piece of shit." Sasuke gets up and makes a menacing move for Naruto, who chuckles and turns off the camera.


	3. Number 12

The camera starts with Sasuke, who is sitting at a desk inside a classroom. There are children laughing and playing outside. Sasuke looks up into the camera and smiles.

"Ahoy! Its-a-me, Sasuke! This is Sasuto production #12." (Camera turns so Naruto is in view)

"Im Naruto! Today we're substitute teaching at the academy. Iruka sensei had to leave at lunch, and he asked us to watch the class until the end of the day. Which isn't long now. About 3 hours. The kids are having lunch now, so they should be inside soon..."

"Oh, they know they're way? Good, cuz I didn't wanna go looking for a bunch of little farts." The camera stops filming.

The camera cuts to a group of children taking their seats. As they do, Sasuke stands up "Hello, all."

"Hey, where's Iruka sensei?" One kid asks. Sasuke holds up a hand.

"He had to go somewhere, so Im teaching today. My name is Sasuke. That's 'master Sasuke' to all of you."

"Hey, you guys are from the original team seven!" another kid says, pointing at them. Sasuke makes a face. "Thanks kid, for reminding me of something im not proud of. (leans against the desk) So, what do you guys usually do? Yes, you?"

"Iruka sensei was going to teach us the transformation jutsu." the little girl says. Sasuke laughs.

"This must be an incompetent bunch! I learned that way before their age! No, im not going to teach that bullshit-"

"Hey mister, watch your language!" one kid says. Sasuke gets pissy.

"No, you little bitch, im not gonna watch my fucking language. Don't like it? You can go home. No one wants you here, anyways."

The little boy stays in his seat. Sasuke nods. "That's what I thought. Well, let's just do Q and A."

"Master Sasuke?" a little girl says.

"What?"  
"What's q and a? Queens and apples? Quirks and attributes? Quails and Arrows?"

"No shit-for-brains, its question and answer. Who has a question?"

A little boy raises his hand.

"Yeah, you?"

"Why do you swear so much?"

"Because Kiba's mom raped me."

"Kiba's mom would never touch you!" Naruto says.

"Shut up, frodo. Next question!" Sasuke orders.

"What's rape?"

"Rape is a famous word for beat up. So whenever someone beats you up, say 'Stop raping me!' Next question."

"What's a period?"

Sasuke stares at the boy for a little while. Naruto snickers softly, and zooms in on Sasuke's frozen face.

"Who the fuck asks that?" Sasuke says after a while.

"Well, I heard someone say about my sister that she was a witch when she's on her period."

"I'll explain. (Naruto points camera at boy) See, when a girl is moody, bitchy, rude, and evil, she's on her period. It happens every month."

"So, is Master Sasuke on his period, then? Cuz he's moody, bitchy, rude and evil." A girl says innocently. Sasuke gapes at her. Naruto smirks. "Well...(zooms in on Sasuke's angry face) Yes, he is."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!" Sasuke slams into Naruto, and both fall on the floor. Sasuke pummels Naruto, then picks him up and slams his face against the chalkboard.

"YOU BITCH!!!" Sasuke screams. Naruto is gasping.

"MY FACE, YOU FUCKER!!!! HAVE YOU LOST IT??!?!" Naruto screams. Sasuke lets him go.

"Let's go, bitches, outside. Im gonna show you a real jutsu." All the kids single file out the door, followed by Sasuke.

The camera cuts to Sasuke, who is standing in the emtpy area behind the school. The kids are behind him. Several kids are coming back and forth, dropping wood into a pile in front of Sasuke. Naruto comes up with a plastic bag. Sasuke hands the camera to him.

"Got the seaweed?"

"Yep." (Naruto hands him plastic bag)

"Excellent. Stand back and watch, childs! KATON: GOUKAKYU NO JUTSU!!!" Sasuke sets the pile of wood on fire.

"Good. (Sasuke places seaweed into the fire) Now, watch me carefully, kiddies. When your on a mission out in the wilderness, you need to be able to get food from natural resources. Which is why im cooking seaweed. Now, it will be a while before its done, so why don't we do something to entertain ourselves?"

"How about soccer?" a kid chirps. Sasuke nods. "Sure, whatever."

The camera cuts to Sasuke, who is standing in a grass field. The kids are standing around him.

Well, lets start. Hey, you. What's your name, kid?"

"Rei."

"Ok, Rei, go to your position on the field."

"I play defense."

"We're gonna have problems with this kid. I said GO on the FIELD, not TELL ME your goddamn position, now GO!"

Rei goes to place on the field, stands there, and sticks his tongue out at Sasuke.

"That little faggot..." Sasuke goes across the field towards Rei, frowning and talks to him. Since he's too far away from the camera, nothing he says can be heard. Naruto chuckles softly.

"Why do you have a camera?" a little girl asks.

Naruto turns and places a hand on her shoulder. "Little girl, you never know when something fucking hilarious is gonna happen. (turns back to Sasuke and points at him) Like so."

Rei is glaring at Sasuke, and then he kicks him in the shin. Sasuke shoves Rei to the ground and puts his foot on his back so he stays. Rei hollers in protest, so Sasuke screams something back.

"Goddammit...Sasuke! No harassing kids!"

"Ha ha." Sasuke takes his foot off Rei. "Up, bitch. (Rei gets up) Did we learn anything?"

Rei says "Your a big fat crybaby poopyhead, so I shouldn't kick you."

Sasuke shoves Rei over by pushing on his shoulders, and sits on him.

" WHAT DID WE LEARN!"

" To show respect, to show respect!"

" Good stuff. Up, bitch."

Naruto frowns, and sniffs the air. "Hey dude, do you smell that?"

Sasuke freezes, and screams "EVERYONE! Smell the air! Do you smell that? That is a sign that the seaweed is done! Let's go! (everyone runs towards the fire) What a waste. Trying to get the bitchy kid to go to his position for nothing."

"Aww, its ok Sasuke. Now you get to eat seaweed!"

Naruto and Sasuke reach the fire. "Let's flip a coin to see who eats it." Naruto suggests.

"No way, man. Im eating it." Sasuke says.

"We're flipping a coin, Sasuke."

" Fuck the coin, I'm eating it!"

Naruto flips his coin. (Sasuke: Prick) "You're eating it."

" Told ya so."

Sasuke tastes the seaweed"..........(gags)"

" And?"

" THAT'S DISGUSTING!! AAHHH! GROSS! FUCKING...SHIT! (spits) NEVER! AGAIN!"

"Hahahahahahaaa!" Rei points and laughs. Sasuke glares at him and is about to charge, but the bell rings.

The camera cuts to Naruto, standing in front of the school building, talking to a parent. He shakes Rei's hand and comes back to Sasuke, who has the camera.

"Next time Sasuke, take blame for what you do." Naruto says grumpily. Sasuke sighs happily.

"All well that ends well. Im Sasuke. Naruto just got told off because of me bullying Gay Rei. That's his new name."

"Im Naruto. I didn't do much."

"That's your life story, man. You didn't do much."

"Fuck you."


	4. Number 19

XTheCherryOnTopX does not own Naruto, or the game "Dress Up Yoda".

The picture starts in Sasuke's room. Sasuke is sitting at his desk, humming. The camera zooms up on his computer to reveal the game "Dress Up Yoda". Sasuke dresses Yoda up in a Ninja face cover, a gold chain with the $ dollar bill sign, a gun in one hand, a pack of cigarettes in the other, a green t shirt with a marijuana leaf on it, white boxers with red hearts, pink bunny slippers, and a purple wizard hat on his head. Sasuke is snickering softly. He randomly glances behind him, takes a second glance, and shoots up out of his chair. "That camera better not be on!" he says menacingly.

"What if it is?(snickers) Sasuke, I didn't know you liked to play dressup."

"Shut up. The world doesn't need to know this. Now get lost."

"No, we have to show everyone that cute website."

"Oh yeah, the one with the a-fucking-dorable stories. The website's called Fanfiction. net. It has stories about us ninja, so we decided to check it out."

"Therefore, we are commencing Sasuto Production #19. (high five's Sasuke) Dude, click on a story."

"Hn."

"Click, prick! Hey, that rhymed. Damn, Im cool!"

"Hn."

"Are you gonna click or what?"

"Hn."

"Dammit! I hate it when you go all Uchiha on me!"

"Wanna know something, dobe? Im kind of Uchiha."

"Go flush your head. Read what that says."

"Ok.(Naruto zooms up on computer) The story is called "The Naruto Fandom Guide". What the hell is that?"

"I dunno. Clickie!" (Sasuke clicks, and Naruto reads)-

**First of all, all Naruto fanfic writers should understand pairing dynamics. In the Naruto fandom, there is a group known as the "Four Golden Pairings" which mainly consist of Naruhina, Sasusaku, Nejiten, and Shikaino. Often, Shikaino is replaced with Shikatema and Saino, or Chouino. Also, pairings that are canon, such as Asukurenai, should be respected. However, straight pairings are not only popular. There are pairings such as KakaIruka, Shikaneji, and Gaaralee. These are some good yaoi pairings. However, the greatest pairing we fanfic writers have been blessed with is SasuNaru-**

"Sasunaru?!? Go back, go back!" Naruto screams. Sasuke clicks the back button, and theyre back to the normal page. Sasuke looks at the camera "If any one of you fuckers watching this is a sasunaru fan, Im going to find you, and kill you, slowly and painfully."

Naruto pokes him. "Cmon, new story!"

"Ok, ok. Don't get all shitty. (Sasuke reads a new title) This one's called "Heart's Desire" let us read!" (clicks and reads)-

**Sasuke, you broke my heart." Sakura sobbed into Sasuke's shirt. Said boy gently cupped her face. "I know. And I don't think you should forgive me. But, I need you, Sakura. So much." he whispered gently into her ear. Sakura shivered as-**

"Fuck it, man!" Sasuke screams, and clicks the back button. "People either put me with pinky, blondie, Karin-whore, or you! Why can't I have any normal pairings?!"

"Aww, cmon! It was getting to the best part!"

"Fuck you, man. Go jump in a cement mixer."

"No, thanks. That sounds rather unpleasant. (Tries to take mouse from Sasuke) C'mon dude, gimme the mouse."

"No. Fuck off."

Naruto grabs the wire of the mouse, and Sasuke holds the mouse in his hand. They play tug of war, until Naruto gets it.

"Haha."

"Give me the mouse, Naruto." Sasuke demands.

"No." Naruto says.

Sasuke stands up immediately. "What did you say?"

"I said no. You'lle probably try to choke me with it, or hit me on the head with it, or impale me with it."

"Don't tell me what im gonna do. I know what im gonna do. Now, give me the FUCKING MOUSE!"

Naruto doesn't let go of the mouse, so Sasuke rolls the chair over his foot. Naruto howls, dropping the camera, but Sasuke quickly catches it and puts it on the table. Then, he pins Naruto to the floor, sits on him, and shoves the mouse in Naruto's mouth so he's half choking.

WHEN I SAY GIMME THE MOUSE, IT MEANS GIMME THE FUCKING MOUSE!" Sasuke screams, then gets off Naruto, but not before taking the mouse.

"Oh god, its got your shit all over it. (wipes mouse on Naruto's hair) Better."

Naruto stands up slowly, holding his head. "Sasuke, you asshole. Damn, I think you broke my chin."

"Suck it up, Naruters. No one really cares, anyways."

"Shut up, dickhead. Hey, click on the author of the fanfiction. (Sasuke clicks, Naruto reads bio of the author)

**XxSanninCherryBlossomxX: 1 fiction**

**Hi! Im Sakura Haruno. I love pink, cotton candy, and helping people. I live in Konoha, and im a medic ninja! Im Tsunade-sama's apprentice. Someday, I want to be just like her! In my spare time, I either hang out with my girlfriends, work at the hospital, go on missions, or train. Im from the original team 7. Along with me, are Sasuke and Naruto. Sasuke's really hot. I wanna help him revive his clan. My favorite song-**

Naruto stops reading, because he's laughing too hard. He zooms up on Sasuke's face, which is frozen in fear and shock. He suddenly snaps back into reality.

"Shut up, bitch! (smacks Naruto) That pink haired slut! Im going to send her into next week!"(jumps off chair and leaves the room)

"...Later!" Sasuke says as he comes back into the room, and sits on his chair. He clicks review for "Heart's Desire".

**Dear Sakura,**

**YOU STUPID, DITZY, FUGLY, PINK HAIRED BIMBO. WHEN I FIND YOU, IM GOING TO WRING YOUR SKINNY LITTLE NECK. WHAT, DID YOU THINK I WOULDN'T FIND THIS? IM SASUKE UCHIHA, FOR KAMI'S SAKE. GET READY FOR YOUR DEATH, BITCH. WRITE YOUR WILL, ORDER A CASKET, SAY YOUR PRAYERS. **

**Sincerely,**

**~Sasuke **

**PS- WE ARE NOT REVIVING MY CLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW, NOT NEXT CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!**

**That is all.**

Naruto is rolling on the floor, lauging. Sasuke turns in his chair and kicks Naruto in the stomach.

"AUGGHHH....That hurt, teme!" Naruto gets up and glares at Sasuke.

"Good. It was supposed to."

"Fuck you, Sasuke."

"Ive got people to do that for me, Naruto. Not that you know what that's like, since no one would want to be in your pants in the first place."

"Shut up! Hinata's got a crush on me, right?"

"......How did you know?"

"Well, isn't it kinda obvious?"

"Well yeah, but well, we never thought you actually figured it out."

"Why not?"

"Cause your not exactly the brightest candle, Naruto."

"So? I can be smart, too!"

"Yeah, and Sakura's irish." Sasuke says in a sarcastic tone.

"She's IRISH??? Goddamn her, she told me she was born in Konoha! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!!!!!!! WAUGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Naruto runs out of the room, crying into his arm.

He runs back in a moment later. "Sasukeeee!" and cries into Sasuke's shoulder.

"There, there, dobe." Sasuke says. Naruto keeps wailing. Sasuke gets pissy.

"I SAID, THERE FUCKING THERE!" Naruto drops the camera and it stops taping, but it first tapes Sasuke punching Naruto in the face.

The camera cuts to Sasuke, who is smiling politely. Naruto is sitting on a desk, holding an ice pack to his eye.

"Dude, get over it. (to camera) Sorry about that. We put the camera on its stand now. I gave Naruto a shiner, cause he was acting like a three year old. " Sasuke says happily. Naruto flicks him off. Sasuke rolls his eyes, and turns back to the computer. "Let's continue our journey!"

"He acts like a three year old everyday." Naruto whispers to the camera. In the background, the phone rings. Naruto runs to get it, and comes back a few minutes later.

"Dude, Kakashi called. he says we have to meet him for training in half an hour."

Sasuke nods. "There's this fic called "Gay Day". Its sounds awful."

"Let's read it at our own risks!" Naruto says excitedly. Sasuke clicks and Naruto reads-

**Tsunade walked up to the mic and said happily, "Welcome to Konoha's first official Gay Day! Today, we will be celebrating all the gay couples in Konoha! Also, we will get some to speak about their adventures together! First up, you know'em, you love'm, give it up for Hatake Kakashi!!!" Everyone applauds as the famous copy ninja himself comes onto stage. Tsunade smiled. "So, tell us Kakashi, how did you find out you were gay?"**

**"Well, I went to the academy. I was reading Icha Icha, and then, I went into the empty classroom, and there he was. He was so delicate, so beautiful. I recognized a feeling I never felt before- love. I wanted him. I needed him. So, I told him, and we became a couple. Ive never been happier. And, I just wanna tell you, Iruka, I love ya so much babe!" **

**Iruka comes up onto the stage, and he and Kakashi share a sweet embrace. The crowd applauds. Tsunade sighed happily. "Aaaaw, isn't that sweet, folks? So, can we invite the other gay couples onto stage?"**

**Many people now come up onto the stage- Shino and Kiba, Shikamaru and Chouji, Lee and Neji, Kabuto and Orochimaru, Inoichi Yamanaka and Hiashi Hyuuga, Chouza Akimichi and Shikaku Nara, and Genma and Hayate. Inoichi and Hiashi are arguing.**

**"Your hair's sooo pretty." Hiashi twirls his lover's ponytail. Inoichi giggles.**

**"No, yours is." And tugs Hiashi's hair playfully.**

**"Oh you! Come here!" and Hiashi and Inoichi start making out. The crowd applauds. Gai stands up and points a finger at Iruka. "I'LL KILL YOU!! YOU TOOK AWAY MY RIVAL AND ONE TRUE YOUTHFUL LOVE!!! WHO AM I TO SHARE MY PASSIONS WITH??? WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO WADE WITH IN THE RIVERS OF YOUTH-" He was interupted by Asuma, who grabs him and turns him around. "I can be your youthful love. Besides, with those manly eyebrows and that sexy outfit(looks Gai up and down), we can do it whenever."Gai stares at him, and then they start making out. **

**Tsunade sighs happily into the mic. "Also, ladies and gentleman, our lesbos! Give it up for them!" As she says this, Anko and Kurenai walk up onto stage, followed by Ino and Sakura, Hinata and Tenten, and Shizune, who walks over to Tsunade and takes her hand. As she walks onto stage, Sakura trips. Ino quickly catches her.**

**"Oh, Saki, are you ok?" Ino says gently, pulling Sakura up. Sakura has tears in her eyes.**

**"M-My ankle.." She whimpers. Ino puts a finger on Sakura's lip gently.**

**"Shh-sh-sh, say no more." She picks up Sakura bridal style and carries her off the stage. The crowd errupts into cooing.**

**"Now, everyone. There is one couple I would like to introduce. Konoha's greatest couple. Introducing, Naruto and Sasuke!" Everyone applauds as Naruto runs onto stage, dragging Sasuke. Naruto grabs the mic. "Everyone, in two weeks, im gonna be Naruto Uchiha!" and shows everyone his wedding ring. Then, they start making out-**

"AAAAAAAAUUUGHHHHH!!!!!" MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!!!!(Naruto grabs his face and falls on floor and rolls, like in a fire drill) AHHHHH!!!!! SOMEBODY GOUGE'M OUT!!!!!!!!" The camera is shaking wildly as Naruto rolls. He stops suddenly, and looks up at Sasuke, who is frozen, pale, and twitching. "Sasuke? (zooms up on Sasuke's face) Sasukeeee??? Are you alive?" Naruto pokes him. Punches his arm. Slaps his face. Bangs his head on the table. Throws his shoe at him. Sasuke doesn't resond. "Sasuke?!? Cmon, say something! Anything!" Naruto pleads. Sasuke doesn't move, and Naruto gets scared. "SASUKEEEE!" Naruto throws his arms around him and shakes him violently. "SASUKEEE-" he is interupted as Sasuke jumps out of his chair and runs to the bathroom. A few minutes later, he comes back.

"Hey dude, are you ok?" Naruto focuses the camera on Sasuke, who looks pale, and sinks into his chair.

"I got sick.(glares up at Naruto) What were you doing calling yourself Naruto Uchiha?"

"Well, what were you doing making out with me?!"

"Dude, I dunno! (looks at clock) we have to go meet Kakashi, right?"

"Yeah...Hey, lets just forget this, ok? Im scarred for life as it is, and its not like this story is true, anyways."

"Yeah. I'd rather not be reminded of this."

The camera cuts to Sasuke. He is walking into a training field, smiling. All the way in the background, Lee is seen doing pushups. He turns around, to face the camera. "Hey, Naruto, this is the place where we became genin, right?"

"Yup. Brings back memories."

"Hey, we're an hour late. Where the fuck is Kakashi?"

"That bastard is always so fucking late. I-"

Naruto is interupted by Kakashi, who poofs into view.

"Sup, bitches?" Kakashi doesn't bother to look up from his Icha Icha.(Naruto zooms in on the cover, which has a guy getting pummeled by a chick in a red dress)

"Your late, dammit. What took you?" Sasuke says grumpily. Kakashi gives him an annoyed look. "Go change your pad, Sasuke."

Sasuke takes a step forward, but then Sakura comes running. Her face is flushed, and her pink hair is flying everywhere as she runs.

"GUYYYSSS, SORRY IM LATE!!!! I-" She stops talking as she gets pummeled by Sasuke.

"YOU PINK HAIRED SLUT!!!" He screams, befor picking her up, so she is hanging upside down.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, SASUKE?? PUT ME DOWN!!!" Sakura screams. Sasuke snorts.

"Fat chance of that. (carries Sakura over to nearby trash can) Hope you like wet garbage, Saki." and puts Sakura headfirst in the trash can.

"I never did anything to you!" Sakura cries from inside the trash can. Naruto snickers, and zooms up on the scene. Kakashi rolls his visible eye, and closes his book.

"Alright, you two, I asked Lee to come here today because I want you to train with him. (Lee comes up from behind where he was doing pushups) I can't stay, so sorry. Later!" And Kakashi poofs away.

"Prick." Sasuke says. Naruto turns the camera to Lee. "Sup, bushy-brow?"

"Kakashi-san has asked me to train with you in taijutsu. Now do not think of this as torture. I am actually doing you scallywags a favor, by informing you of the precious and sometimes secretive information on the spring time of youth."

Everyone has the same thought in their heads (including Sakura), except Lee.

'_Scallywags?'_

Finally, after a few moments, Sakura gets tired of being in a trash can. "Guyssss, can someone help me out, please? Its really dark and it smells!"

Sasuke turns to the trash can. "No one cares, bitch. Suck it up." He says harshly, but Lee runs right past him.

"Sakura-san! Who could do such an evil deed?!" Lee grabs Sakura's legs in an attempt to pull her out, and Sasuke runs to Naruto. "Quick, run!" He hisses, and the camera starts shaking violently as Naruto runs, Sasuke right behind him.

The camera cuts to Naruto, who is panting, hands on his knees. They are standing in front of Ichiraku Ramen. Naruto whipes his forehead with the back of his hand, and looks up at the camera. "Damn, we barely escaped. Im so fucking hungry. (turns to Ichiraku) Oi, Jeechan! I want a 2 supersize ramen bowls, pronto! (to camera) Im Naruto, and about to eat some state of the art ramen. Sasuke's filming, for once."

Sasuke turns to camera around so his face can be seen. "OH MY GOD, AND IM SASUKE!!!" (reaches over and swipes Naruto's ramen bowl)

"Eat your own lunch, fatass!"


	5. Number 22

XTheCherryOnTopX does not own Naruto, Speedo, or hot cheetos.

The camera starts with Naruto. He is surrounded by sand. A little further down, is the ocean. He is wearing bright orange swimming trunks, his necklace, amd has a bag of hot cheetos in his hand. He is laughing insanely and pointing at a seagull, which is squawking and flapping its wings around insanely. He turns to the camera.

"LOOK, AN EXOTIC BIRD!!!" he screams, and points at the seagull.

"Naruto, stop fucking around!" Sasuke says.

"Ok, ok! Good day, all! Im Naruto! Did you get that on tape, Sasuke?"

"Yeah, yeah. What did you do? That seagull looks high."

"I fed it a hot cheeto and it went berserk!"

"Whatever. (turns camera around so he can be seen) Im Sasuke. Don't worry, you don't have to tell me. I already know I look way hotter then Naruto." (Sasuke is wearing navy blue swim trunks and a necklace)

"Shut your face, Sasuke. Hey, where did you get that necklace? Ive never seen it."

"When I killed Itachi, I stole it off him."

".....Oh. (faces camera) Well, this is Sasuto Production #22. Today, all of Konoha 13 is at the beach! Dude, do you have anything evil planned for us to do?"

Sasuke snorts. "Whenever we have something to do, and Neji's with us, you can bet your ass I have an evil plan."

Sakura comes jogging up to them. As soon as Sasuke spots her, he covers the camera lense with his hand.

Sakura says "Hey, guys! We're going to build sandcastles! Wanna join us?"

"No, Sakura. We don't wanna join you in your gay little pastimes. Now get lost before you crack the lense." Sasuke says harshly.

Sakura has a miffed face. "Ok, Sasuke, you-"

Sasuke interupts. "Do you hear something, Naruto?"

"Yeah. You too? It sounds kinda squeaky, like a mouse."

"Yeah, its getting on my fucking nerves."

"You guys are so mean!" Sakura says, folding her arms across her chest and pouting.

"We don't care, twinky. Get lost." Sasuke says. Sakura walks away, and Sasuke takes his hand off the lense.

"Look at that slut. She must think she looks really hot, in that pink bikini. Well, she doesn't-"

"Your in denial, dude. You want her and you know it." Naruto says. Sasuke swipes Naruto's foot, so Naruto falls on his butt.

The camera cuts to Sasuke. He and Naruto are bored. Finally, he gets fed up and stands. "Ok, Im getting bored. Let's do my evil plan!" Sasuke says, and hands Naruto the camera. Naruto nods, and stands up. Sasuke whispers something to him. Sasuke faces the camera. "Commencing plan GROG."

"What's GROG stand for?"

"Get rid of girls." Sasuke says, and takes the camera from Naruto. Naruto calls Chouji over.

"Hey Chouji! Over here!" Naruto calls, and waves. Chouji comes over.

"Hey guys. What's up?"

"Chouji, my friend, if Sasuke here could get you free chips for a month, what would you say?" Naruto says, as he puts a hand on Chouji's shoulder. Chouji's face brightens.

"Really? You could do that? Wait....what's in it for you?" Chouji says seriously. Naruto smiles slyly.

"All you gotta do is get the girls to go away for a while. Ask'em out to ice cream or something, just get rid of them."

Chouji nods. "Done." (goes over to girls; Sasuke focuses camera on him)

"Hey, guys!" he says cheerfully. All four girls (Hinata, Tenten, Sakura, and Ino) look up.

"Hey, Chouji. Whats up?" Ino says.

"I just wanna help build sandcastles. Seems like you guys are doing a good job." Chouji sits downs and starts to work with them.

A few minutes later, Chouji looks up. "Hey, its really hot. Wanna go get ice cream?"

Tenten's face brightens. "Sure! NEJI! Lets go get ice cream!"

Sasuke bites his lip. "No, no, no! If Neji leaves then there's no point!"

Luckily, Neji just shakes his head at his girlfriend, who pouts.

"Fine, then. Let's go." Tenten, Sakura, Ino and Hinata all leave with Chouji to get ice cream.

Sasuke does a victory sign. "Let's do this! Now, plan DAH!"

"What does DAH mean?"

"Dig a hole." Sasuke hands Naruto the camera and stalks out to an empty plot of sand. He looks around until he spots Kiba playing frisbee with Akamaru. He grins.

"Kiba, my good man! C'mere a sec! (Kiba walks over to Sasuke) I need to ask you a favor."

"Sure. What's up?"

"Dig a hole here!" (points at ground)

"Sure! How big?"

"As big as Neji."

"Ok....wait, this has something to do with your productions thing, right? If anyone asks, I never did anything, ok?"

"Yeah, no worries. We like to take full blame in what we do, right Naruto?"

"Yup!"

Kiba and Akamaru start digging a hole. Sand flies everywhere. Sasuke has an evil smile.

"Naruto, time for plan BUS!"

"What's BUS stand for?"

"Bury Ugly Slutface, baby, yeah!" Both run over to a large beach umbrella. Neji is laying underneath it. He gasps as Naruto grabs his legs and Sasuke grabs his arms.

"What're you doing?!? (Sasuke and Naruto pick him up) Put me down!!! AHHHHHH!!!" Neji screams as they carry him over to the hole. The camera shakes violently as Naruto tries to hold Neji and the camera at once.

"KIBA!!! HELP!" Naruto screams. Kiba runs over and takes the camera from him, and begins taping.

"PUT ME DOWN!!!! KIBA, NOT YOU TOO!!!!!" Neji screams. Kiba nods.

"Yeah, Neji. Its revenge for almost killing Hinata during the chunin exams 5 years back." Kiba says casually, and zooms up on Neji's face.

"WHAT??? YOU'RE GETTING REVENGE NOW?!?!" Neji screams. Sasuke grunts. "Damn, could you hold still, bitch? Your a fucking fatass as it is, and your not making it easier to carry you."

"OH, IM REAL SORRY!!!(realizes what Sasuke also said) IM NOT FAT!!!!" Neji screams. Sasuke shrugs. "Its ok. Im going to get reward for this anyways." They carry Neji to the edge of the hole.

Neji screams "AHHH!!!! HELPP!!!! TENTEN!!!!!!!"

"Forget your girlie, slutface! I asked Chouji to take all the girls to get ice cream! They're long gone!" Sasuke says, as he and Naruto put him in the hole and hold him down.

Kiba points at the hole "Akamaru! Bury!" (Akamaru begins kicking sand onto Neji, who is screaming.)

Finally, Akamaru finishes. Neji is buried so only his head sticks up from the sand. He is bawling.

"GET. ME. OUT!!!!"

"Shut up, frodo." Sasuke orders, and puts a big bucket that has holes over Neji's head so he can't be seen, and won't suffocate. Naruto takes the camera from Kiba.

"Thanks, Kiba."

"No prob. And trust me, that made it all worthwhile." Kiba says, and points to Neji.

"LET ME OUT!! MY HAIR'S RUINED!!!!" Neji wails. Sasuke and Naruto ignore him and go swimming.

The camera cuts to Sasuke, who is pointing at Tenten...who is looking for Neji.

"The girls and Chouji just got back from ice cream. Tenten's looking for slutface now." Sasuke explains.

Tenten asks Shino, Lee, Shikamaru (who is sleeping), Sai, Kakashi (chaperone, he doesn't know a thing cuz he was busy reading Icha Icha) and Kiba (who doesn't say a thing). "Goddammit, where did he go? NEJI!!!" Tenten screams.

"IM HERE!!!" Neji wails, but his voice has gone hoarse from all the screaming before and Tenten doesn't hear him. But eventually, Tenten catches on and goes over to the last two people- Sasuke and Naruto, who are now standing around and whistling stupidly.

"Where's Neji?"

"Oh hey, Tenten." Sasuke says casually.

"Where's Neji?" Tenten demands.

"I dunno. On the moon?" answers Sasuke.

"Where is he? What did you do?"

"You really wanna know?! Fine, I ATE HIM!"

"I'm here. They buried me." Neji says in a tired voice. Tenten runs over and uncovers his head.

"Neji! You poor...what did you do to him??" Tenten demands, as she rapidly begins to try to dig him up.

"What's it look like, bitch? We buried him." Sasuke says. Tenten glares.

"Are you crazy?"

"No, are you?"

"Im not the one randomly burying people!"

"No. I am."

"UGH! Help me get him out!"

"No way. You can get the pinprick out yourself. (turns to camera) Im Sasuke, and today was epic."

Naruto turns camera around "Im Naruto. Today WAS epic. For once, Sasuke was right."

"Shut up. (takes camera) Chouji, Kiba! C'mere! (they come over) you guys were great today, so you earned it. You can both say your names."

Kiba grins "Im Kiba! Peace out, yo!" (runs off to Akamaru)

Chouji smiles "Im Chouji. Im NOT fat, im big boned. And Sasuke owes me a month of free chips. Bye!" (leaves)

Sasuke (to camera) "Fuckdammit!"


	6. Number 28

The first shot caught on camera is Naruto running, with his back turned to the camera, through Neji's house. There is loud screaming and crashing heard in the background. Naruto stops running and turns to the camera.

"WHERE DO WE GO?!? WHERE DO WE GO?!?!"

"WOULD YOU LISTEN?!?! IVE BEEN TELLING YOU FOR THE PAST HALF HOUR TO STOP RUNNING IN GODDAMN CIRCLES AND GO INTO THE DOJO!" Sasuke screams.

A loud high-pitched scream rings through the house, along with a loud crash.

Naruto screams,"OH NOES, WE'RE GONNA DIE!"

Sasuke grabs Naruto by the collar and flings him inside the dojo, and shuts the door. Naruto faces the camera.

"Hi everyone. Im Naruto. This is Sasuto production #28. Your probably wondering what the fuck is going on. Well..(deep breath) Today, Sasuke and I were bored, so we decided to pay a visit to Neji. When we got there, we saw Hinata's dad giving her a HUGE lecture about how she's weak and she's heir to the clan and all that shit. We found it pretty funny, so when Hiashi left, Sasuke and I kinda reeanacted it. Hinata snapped. She's gone mad! Insane!"

Sasuke hands Naruto the camera so he can be seen, "Im Sasuke. Its always the quiet ones, isn't it? They keep all their damn emotions bottled up inside, and then one day they reach their limit and just explode. Im SO glad Neji's not like Hinata, or he'd be in an asylum now. Anways, Hinata's going crazy out there, and if she finds us, she'll probably rip us apart and eat us."

"I hope she doesn't find us."

"She better fucking not. Listen…is that Tenten and Neji? Outside?"

"Hinata's screaming and breaking shit, Sasuke, so it's kinda hard to hear anything."

"Shut the fuck up and listen, smart-ass."

They stop talking and, sure enough, they hear Tenten and Neji speaking quietly.

"You just had to open the door and let those two in, didn't you Neji?" Tenten says.

"I didn't know it was them! If I did, I wouldn't have opened the door."

"But you did, didn't you?"

Naruto opens the dojo door and calls out to them.

"Neji, Tenten, in here! Hurry!"

They make a run for the dojo and Naruto slams the door shut.

They all sit together for a while, thinking of ways to get out without Hinata finding them.

Tenten questions,"Where's Hanabi?"

Neji answers harshly,"Nobody cares, Tenten."

"I'm trying to look like I care, so shut up. Where's the bitch?"

Naruto guesses, "Probably still out there. We have to get her."

"Whoa, Naruto…_we_ have to? Fuck that." Sasuke says.

Neji mutters,"Shut up, I'll go find her. I stand a better chance against Hinata-sama than any of you."

"Don't worry, slutface. If you die, I'll kill Tenten so you won't be lonely." Sasuke says.

"Thanks, Uchiha." Neji says. Naruto stands up.

"Im coming, too." he says. Neji gives him a questioning look.

"If we see Hinata, I wanna get a shot of her. For proof to Kiba that she really did snap."

"Take care of him." Tenten says. Neji nods.

"No, I was talking to Naruto, Neji."

Neji pouts and leaves, taking Naruto with him, to find Hanabi. The crashing and breaking has calmed down a bit, but Hinata's screaming continues. Neji observes the damage as he passes it by.

"Shit. What have you done, Hinata-sama? C'mon, be a Hyuuga, suck it up."

They turn a corner, and see Hanabi, who is cornered by Hinata.

Naruto moves slightly to his right to get a shot of Hinata, who is standing a few feet away. Her hair is sticking up in random directions, her jacket is falling off her, and she's barefoot and is snarling constantly and bearing her teeth.

Hanabi sees them "HELP!"

Hinata snaps around, snarling at them.

Naruto hands Neji the camera and answers, "I'll distract Hinata! You two run! (waves at Hinata) HEY! HINATA! OVER HERE!"

Hinata runs at him, snarling.

Hanabi and Neji turn and sprint for the dojo. They reach the dojo and run inside, locking the door. Sasuke looks up, worried.

"Where's Naruto?"

Neji shakes his head sadly. "He...he didn't make it."

Sasuke gasps, and Neji hands him the camera. "This is all thats left."

Sasuke turns the camera so he can be seen. "RIP, Naruto Uzumaki. He was a great person until the end. I-"

As if on cue, Naruto bursts in the door, gasping, and quickly locks it. Hinata tries to open it, but gives up and runs, screaming, to somewhere else in the house.

Sasuke screams "NARUTO! YOUR ALIVE!" and hugs him.

"Ummm, dude.." Naruto says. Sasuke immediately lets go. And looks around at everyone, who are all staring at him wierdly.

Sasuke turns on his sharingan "YOU WILL NEVER SPEAK OF THIS TO ANYONE!"

They all mumble in agreement.

Neji looks over at Tenten sadly.

"Tenten, I'm gonna die soon, and I wanna say goodbye and I love you."

Tenten rolls her eyes. "Hinata is NOT going to kill you, Neji."

"She is. Hinata's gone very insane, and she's gonna kill us all."

"Are you serious? My strong, tall, dark Neji is afraid of someone he can crush with his gaze?"

Neji thinks about this. "Yeah…very true…IM GONNA KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKING SHRIMP!"

He leaves the dojo, looking for Hinata. Naruto, again follows him with the camera.

Neji's voice is heard calling out,"Hinata-samaaaaa? Where are you, Hinata-sama? I'm gonna…fucking prick. Guys, she's already passed out."

Sasuke, Tenten, and Hanabi come out. Naruto snickers. He focuses the camera on Hinata passed out.

Sasuke says "Its finally over. (To camera) Im Sasuke. Hinata's passed out. Today was kinda short, but fun. We should do this again sometime." (takes camera so Naruto can be seen)

"Im Naruto. I almost died."

"You know, I really thought you had given up, dude."

"Yeah. At one point, I was ready to surrender myself, but my love for you stopped me."

Sasuke says sarcastically "Oh, your so cute."

"Could you guys do your stupid love confessions somewhere else?" Neji says in an annoyed tone.

Sasuke growls "Your going down, little brunette man."

Naruto adds "Im way ahead of you, Sasuke."

The camera stops filming as Naruto and Sasuke make a move towards Neji.


	7. Number 35

XTheCherryOnTopX does not own Naruto, Bleach, Pokemon, Tokyo Mew Mew, Ouran High School Host Club, or Shaman King.

The camera begins with Sasuke focused in the center, from the shoulders up, with a serious and determined look. He is in his backyard and the back of the house can be seen behind him. It's raining hard and water is dripping down his hair and face. Naruto begins narrating from behind the camera and slowly walks around Sasuke.

"He lived peacefully in his village, as a regular honor student at the academy, until his clan was brutally slain by the one person least expected of the crime. His parents, killed, his family lying in dead, cold piles of blood and gore, he listened, fear written in his eyes, as his own brother speaks. Foolish little brother, if you wish to kill me, hate me, detest me. And yet survive in an unsightly way. Run, run and cling to life. Now, he must seek revenge." Just then, lightening strikes, giving the story a good effect.

"He must learn the way of the ninja, and seek his fate and destiny, and go beyond all limits to fight the enemy." As usual, thunder followed the lightening right after, which makes Sasuke shriek and run inside the house.

"The only problem is, he is no smarter then this cotton ball." (holds up cotton ball) Im Naruto. Oh, incase you were wondering, we were filming the beginning of our epic ninja-samurai movie, based on Sasuke's past."

Sasuke comes back out, shaking a bit. "Dude, hurry up!" he says. Naruto goes inside.

"This is Sasuto production # 35. Im Sasuke." Sasuke says when Naruto gets inside.

The camera cuts to Sasuke. He is standing in an aisle inside a store. There are lots of bottles around him.

"Dude, just pick some and let's go!" Naruto's voice is heard, impatient.

Sasuke shakes his head "_This_ hair gel says its the best in town. _This _hair gel says its the best around. What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

"Take both, you dumbass."

"Fine, fine." Sasuke takes both and they get in line.

Afterwards...

"NO WAY!!!" Naruto screams. The cashier looks worried. "Sir?"

"20 bucks for 2 bottles of hair gel?! That's a joke! I can't afford that!"

"Sir, its only 20 dollars."

"20 dollars??? 20 DOLLARS??? DO YOU KNOW WHAT I COULD DO WITH 20 DOLLARS?!?! I COULD BUY A NEW SHIRT!!!! OR RAMEN!!!! OR-"

"Dude, forget it. I'll pay, ok?" Sasuke says.

"DON'T YOU DARE SASUKE, THAT PRICE IS BLASPHEMY!!!"

Naruto goes outside and starts screaming at random passer-bys about the price of hair gel.

Sasuke rolls his eyes and pays the cashier. They both watch as Naruto gets pummeled by police officers.

"Sorry about that. Everytime we buy stuff, he finds a new way of getting me to pay when he promises to." He leaves "Please, leave him alone, he's a special needs child!"

Camera stops and starts with Sasuke going through someone's closet.

Naruto says "Thanks for helping me out back there."

"Whatever. Just tell me next time you don't wanna pay or can't pay."

"It's not like that, at all. $20 for two fucking bottles of hair gel? Give me a break."

"Uhuh."

"Why are you going through Neji's closet?"

Sasuke answers "My cosplay costume."

"......."

2 min. later...

Sasuke screams "Im not coming out!"

"Dude, how bad can it be?"

"Its really bad! I feel like a gay waiter!"

"What are you doing? How did you get into my house?"

Naruto turns to see Neji. "Hey, Neji. Sasuke's in there."

Neji gets angry "What?! Get out, fucking idiot! (opens door) Why are you wearing my clothes!?"

"It's my scary costume!" chirps Sasuke.

"Get out!"

Naruto pushes by Neji "Let me see." Sasuke is standing there, in Neji's white Hyuuga clothes. (the one he wears in shippuden) "That's really ugly."

" My costume is ugly, I know. But it's having the effect I wanted."

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING CLOTHES!!!!" Neji screeches.

2 min. later...

Sasuke pouts "Now I have no costume."

"Oh well. You had a backup plan incase, right?"

"You bet."

The camera cuts to a large room. Sasuke is grinning at the camera. He is wearing black clothes and his hair is put up wierdly. He grins.

"Im Sasuke Uchiha. I am also Tao Ren from Shaman King. You're probably wondering why we're dressed as anime characters, camera. Allow me to explain. (clears throat) You see, once there was a computer nerd. This computer nerd was an anime lover. He had a certain favorite character whom he wanted to be exactly like. So, what did this nerd do? He dressed up like the character. This, young viewers, is how the art of cosplaying was born."

Naruto hands Sasuke the camera so he can be seen. "Im Naruto, and also Ichigo Kurosaki from Bleach! What Sasuke-(Sasuke: It's_ Ren_!) I mean Ren, is supposed to say, is that we are dressed up as anime characters because today is Cosplay Day. It started with Sakura and Ino, who passed it to Hinata and Tenten, who made Neji and Lee do it, and then Lee decided it was really youthful or whatever and told Gai, and he told the Hokage, and now we have this stupid Cosplay Day. All because of Sakura and Ino."

"Only those two could come up with something so pointless and idiotic-"

"Hey, guys!" Sakura walks up to them. Sasuke turns to the camera and whispers "Speak of the devil."

"Hey, Sakura-chan!....Who're you supposed to be?" Naruto asks. Sakura is wearing a pink dress and black cat ears. She grins.

"Can't you tell?" she twirls around. Sasuke grins.

"I know! A cat that got stuck in a wad of chewed up bubble gum."

"No, Sasuke! Im Ichigo Momomiya, the cutest, prettiest anime heroine from the anime Tokyo Mew Mew!"

"AHHH! What gayness!" Sasuke screams, falling to his knees. Sakura frowns. "This isn't gayn-"

"I said...this is gayness. End of story." Sasuke stands back up. Sakura looks him up and down.

"Hey, you stupid slut, stop checking me out!"

"Im not checking you out, Sasuke! Im trying to figure out who your cosplaying." Sakura says.

"Im not telling you. Now get the fuck lost."

"Why are you always so mean to me? I never bother you! You always push me away call me annoying-"

"After living and seeing your face all these years, and listening to your squeaky voice all day long and having to deal with your girlyness, I'd be surprised if someone didn't call you annoying." Sasuke says. (Sakura turns to leave) "Oh, and Sakura, your a piece of crap. Worthless."

Sakura runs off, sniffling. Naruto sighs. "Dude, that was a really low blow. Why'd you call her a piece of crap? That was really mean."

"I have a theory, Naruters. If I keep calling Sakura a piece of crap, she might eventually believe she really is a piece of crap!"

"That's stupid. Besides, only emo people believe they're a piece of crap-"

"Then Sakura might become emo! (sees Ino and Tenten coming towards them, with a sniffling Sakura) Oh great, pinky told on us, Naruto. Now her demon posse is coming to eat us."

Naruto and Sasuke start snoring really loudly and are pretending to sleep. Naruto has his head leaning back with his mouth open while Sasuke's head hangs down. The girls come over to them.

"We know your awake." Tenten says, rolling her eyes. Sasuke opens his eyes, and sits up. "Hello, demon children. Please, spare our lives."

"Why did you say what you said to Sakura?" Ino said angrily, patting Sakura, who is still sniffling.

"It's a free village. I can say what I want, blondie." Sasuke says. Tenten rolls her eyes. "Just say sorry, Sasuke."

"Fuck no. I'd rather feed Neji plastic."

Neji and Hinata walk up to them. "You said that was really hard cheese." Neji says.

"I say a lot of things."

Hinata smiles "Hi guys."

Ino and Tenten grin at her. "Hey, Hinata! Who're you supposed to be?"

Hinata says "Rukia Kuchiki. What about you?"

Ino twirls retardedly "Im Jesse, from Pokemon's team Rocket! I wanted Shikamaru to be James, but he's already cosplaying as Yoh from Shaman King. Temari's going as Anna, so that worked out."

Tenten says "Im Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran High School Host Club."

Neji says "Im Byakuya Kuchiki from Bleach."  
Sasuke says "YOU should have been Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran, because you're a girl in disguise as a guy."

Neji retorts "You should be Haruhi, Sasuke. Everyone thinks your gay, anyways. At least I have a girlfriend."

Sasuke walks quickly to Neji "I told you (punches Neji) not to piss (punch) me off (punch) fuckbag!"

"Stop that, Sasuke! Leave him alone!" Tenten cries, running over to them and flailing her arms crazily.

Sakura also follows her. "Sasuke, stop it!" she cries. Sasuke stops and sits up, glaring at her. "Last time I checked Sakura, pieces of crap don't talk." Sakura frowns.

"Who are you, Naruto-kun?" Hinata asks.

Naruto smiles and takes advantage of the situation "Im Ichigo Kurosaki! Hey, Hinata, isn't it cool that your Rukia and Im Ichigo? Its like we're meant for each other!"

Hinata stares at him, and faints. Ino gasps and catches her. Sasuke has stopped pummeling Neji, who is sitting down sulking. Tenten stands in front of him, between him and Sasuke.

"Who are you supposed to be, Sasuke?" Ino asks. Sasuke smirks.

"Tao Ren from Shaman King."

Neji says "Why would you wanna cosplay from Shaman King?"

Sasuke spits "Why wouldn't you?"

"Because it su- "

"Finish that thought, Neji, and I'll scratch your fucking face off." Sasuke threatens.

Naruto turns the camera so he can film the rest of the room. He sees Tsunade there, looking bored. "Hey, what's she doing here?"

Ino says "She's the chaperone. Ever since that trip to the zoo you guys screwed up-"

"Oh yeah!" Naruto says, smiling at the memory.

"Hey, its not our fault. That giraffe was asking for it." Sasuke says menacingly.

Naruto says "She's dressed wierd....(they go over to Tsunade and Shizune) Hey, Shizzy. (Shizune rolls her eyes) Hey Grandma. Who're you supposed to be?"

Tsunade looks up from her sake. "Rangiku Matsumoto."

Naruto sighs "Figures."

Sasuke and Naruto go outside "Damn, its stuffy in there. Its like they all died."

Naruto shivers. "No kidding. But its freezing out here."

Sakura comes outside for air.

Sasuke calls out "Sakura, you're a piece of crap."

Sakura retreats back into the house.

Ino's voice is heard from inside "Alright everyone, its time for the speeches! First up, me!!"

Naruto groans "Not the fucking speeches. (to Sasuke) dude, did you hear that?"

Sasuke rolls his eyes "How could I not? Her voice is like Sakura's singing- nasty."

The camera cuts to Sasuke, who is sitting in a chair. There are rows of chairs. Everyone is seated and is currently listening to Ino ramble about why she wanted to be Jesse.

Naruto whispers "Im so fucking _bored_! Im gonna go crazy."

Sasuke whispers back "Here. (hands video game) Amuse yourself." and he starts playing with his.

"Great!"

The video games' volume is full blast, so everyone hears stupid little squeaky video game sounds.

Sasuke yells "Fucking Luigi, get your ass over here!"

Naruto screams "Kirby, you fucking walking bubble gum ball! Do something other than look like you're always jerking off!"

Shizune comes over "Please stop, before I throw you out. (takes video games away) like baseball?"

Naruto and Sasuke answer "No."

"Oh well. This is strike one. Two more chances."

Naruto says "Yay, two!"

Sakura pinches Naruto's arm "Stop it! You guys are so embarrasssing!"

Sasuke remembers "Your a piece of crap, Sakura. That's all."

Sakura bites back tears.

Tenten says "That's so mean!"

Sasuke reminds her "No one asked for your opinion."

The camera cuts to Sasuke, who is sitting in a circle, along with Sakura, Hinata, Tenten, Neji, and Chouji. They are discussing Bleach.

"That's ridiculous," says Neji. "The whole point about the Shinigami is that they are from, and have, a magical connection to the world of the dead, aka Soul Society. A toaster has…no….ehehe…the toaster doesn't…have any…ahahahahahaha! I can't say it!" Neji continues laughing.

"Say it, Neji. The toaster has no magical connection to the world of the dead."

Neji laughs even harder now that the entire thought has been voiced. Everyone else laughs a bit, but they don't find it as funny as Neji does.

Sakura turns to Chouji. "Chouji, who are you supposed to be anyways? I've been trying to figure it out..."

Chouji smiles proudly "Im Hitsugaya Toshiro!"

Neji starts giggling manically, putting his hand over his mouth in attempt to shut up before Chouji notices. Tenten glares at him.

"Do you need some water, Neji?"

"I think I do." Neji stands up and goes over to a table.

The camera cuts to Sasuke, who is sitting in front of the TV with Naruto, Shino, Kiba, Gaara, Kankuro, Lee, Tenten, and Hinata.

Naruto says "Hey camera, we're gonna watch the awesome Bleach movie. Diamond Dust Rebellion, baby, yeah!"

Sakura passes by, on her way to Ino. Sasuke remembers "Sakura, a farmer called. He wants his piece of crap back for his crops." and plays the movie.

Tenten says "Your so rude, Sasuke!"

Sasuke reminds her, again "No one asked you for an evaluation, Tenten."

A while later, near the middle of the movie, Sasuke stands, grabs Naruto by the collar, and drags him away ten feet.

"Dude, what the hell?" Naruto yanks his collar back. "It was getting to the good part! Don't tell me your scared!"

"Shut the fuck up. Chouji's cosplaying as Hitsugaya." Sasuke hisses.

"Yeah, I know. So?"

"So?? He's too fucking fat, man! He's an eyesore! If Hitsugaya fans saw him, they'd rip him limb from limb and eat him with some lemon!"

"Dude that's gross. Anyways, what should we do?"

"Well...see Neji at the table?" (points at Neji)

"Yeah?"

"Lets make conversation..(walks over to Neji, Naruto follows) Hey Neji."

Neji immediately jumps. He looks at them curiously "Oh. Hi."

"What's up?"

"Um. Im drinking water."

"Fascinating....I can't believe it."

"Believe what?"

"Chouji's Hitsugaya."

Neji giggles. "Don't remind me."

"Ok. Just remember Neji, Chouji's cosplaying Hitsugaya."

As if on cue, Chouji, who was telling Shikamaru and Temari about something, pulls out a fake sword and screams "Soar into the frozen sky!!!" he starts waving the sword stupidly in the air, trying to look cool. "Bankai! Ryūsenka!!!"

Neji, who can't take it anymore, starts laughing crazily, pointing at Chouji, who notices and gets mad. Naruto focuses the camera as Chouji attacks Neji, who screams. He zooms in on Tenten, who is screaming like mad, and Tsunade, who comes over and pries Chouji off of Neji, who looks dead. Sakura and Ino are also laughing. Sasuke sees them "Sakura, you piece of crap, the farmer called _again! _Tell him to call your phone, goddammit! My phone's prepaid, its not cheap! That's all. (turns to the camera) im Sasuke. Im also Ren. That's our Sasuto Cosplay Day. Sakura's a piece of crap. RIP Neji. Chouji killed him."

Naruto hands Sasuke the camera "Im Naruto, and also Ichigo. Hey, next year, im gonna go as Tamaki from Ouran High School Host Club. Dude, you can go as Kyoya!"


	8. Number 43

The camera starts with Sasuke. He is wearing his regular clothes, with a bright pink apron over it. The apron is embroidered with little hearts, and Sasuke is frowning and doing dishes. He turns around, and sees Naruto, who is holding the camera.

"Is that camera on?"

"Yeah."

"Naruto, you fucking fuckbag."

"Say hi, Sasuke."

"Yeah, I'll give you a good fucking hi." Sasuke turns back to the dishes.

"C'mon dude, at least start the production!"

Sasuke turns and sighs. "Im Sasuke, as you can see. (rolls eyes) this is Sasuto Production # 43."

"Now tell them why your wearing...(points at Sasuke) that."

"Well, it started with an argument. Naruto thinks I don't know how to do regular chores, since im so fucking rich. So, I have to prove im wrong. So now, here I am, doing Sakura's dishes. Wearing her apron. Dude, this thing smells like shit and girl." (fidgets with apron)

"Don't worry Sasuke. Are you done?"

Almost. (picks up a glass, but Sasuke's hands are too soapy, so it slips and falls into the sink and shatters) Shit. Oh well."

Sakura comes back "What was that?"

"Sasuke broke one of your dishes."

Sakura gets a mad face "Sasuke! Don't break my stuff!"

"Listen pinky, you wanted me to do your dishes, and im doing them. Don't start bitching me now."

"Whatever. Just be more careful." Sakura goes back upstairs.

Sasuke turns the water off, and rips the apron off. "Im done. Thank god. (faces camera, smiling) Today, we're gonna visit a very special person in prison! That's right. Get ready, cuz in a while, we're gonna come face to face with Danzo!"

Naruto says "We're not allowed to take the camera into the prison, but I've got a tiny camera on my shirt (points to a button) and we're gonna tape with that."

"Danzo is such a fucking animal, he's kept in a heavily guarded ANBU base in the land of snow. So, that's where we're headed. Also, Kiba will be with us. He won't visit Danzo with us, but Tsunade asked him to come with us, cuz she doesn't trust us."

The camera cuts to Naruto. He is standing in an office type room. Sasuke is seen further away, speaking to an ANBU.

"We're in the special prisonhouse where Danzo is being held. Sasuke's trying to get us in, but Im not sure its working-"

"Dude, we're in. Lets go." Sasuke says. Naruto runs after him.

They enter a cell which is empty, except for a table and some chairs. The guards leave Sasuke and Naruto inside. Danzo comes out from a door on the other side, and sits down.

"Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto. What do you want?" he says.

Sasuke sinks into his chair and complains "Man, what a rude, dumb fuck. Didn't prison teach you anything? When you have guests, you greet them politely, fuckbag."

"So Danzers, what's up? What do you do around here?" Naruto says.

"Dude, whats it look like? He sits on his ass and gets fatter!" Sasuke says.

"Silence yourselves, both of you!" Danzo says angrily.

Sasuke retorts "No, you little shit, we're not gonna silence ourselves-"

"Arrgh! Go home!"

Naruto asks "Why?"

Danzo answers "Because your wasting my time."

Sasuke asks "Why?"

" Because you keep talking."

Naruto asks "Why?"

"...you two are getting very annoying."

Sasuke asks "Why?"

" Because you keep asking why to everything I say."

Naruto asks "Why?"

" I dunno why! You two answer that! You're the ones asking why!"

Sasuke asks "Why?"

" JUST GO AWAY!! Don t you dare say-"

Naruto and Sasuke ask "Why?"

" Arrrggghhhh!!" Danzo runs in circles, screaming.

"Hey, fucker. Our friend Sai asked us to tell you something." Naruto says.

"Oh yes, Sai. How is he?" Danzo says, sitting back in his chair.

"He's doing great. He wants us to tell you that you're a fucktard and hopes you rot in your cell." Sasuke says happily.

"That kid.....grrr. If only I had become hokage-"

"Hey Danzo, why the fuck did you want to become hokage in the first place?" Naruto asks.

"Dude, its cuz he wanted to get kinky with the other two elders. Remember that old lady?"

"Shut up, Uchiha! I wanted to become hokage because I deserve it!"

"Yeah, and your pretty."

Naruto wonders,"Hey yeah, has anyone ever told you how ugly you are?"

"Uzumaki, shut up, please."

Sasuke agrees."No no, he's right. You are really ugly. Why didn't your mother kill you or anything?"

"Yeah, dude. Your so fucking ugly, your an eyesore. Like, who hit you in the face with a flail when you were kid?"

"Anyways, when Pein attacked, the hokage was put into a coma. It was all a part of your shit plan, right?"

Danzo grins. "Yes, it was a fine plan."

"Hey, fuckbag, it was a stupid plan. You landed in jail, idiot. You know, your plan would've worked if you hadn't tried to screw around with me." Sasuke says.

"Shut up, I know that now."

Naruto breaks in."Let's talk money."

"What did you do! (worried)"

"I spent all your money on various various types of orange jumpsuits. There were so many varieties, and I couldn't pick one, so I took them all. Then, I donated half of the jumpsuits to charity. Then, I went to the water country and bought various types of chips for Chouji, and also I bought a year's worth of ramen. And of course, I had to get Sasuke a souvenier when I went."

"…I don't believe you."

"Fine, I don't care. It's not like you're gonna need it anytime soon."

"How did you get your hands on my money, anyways?"

"Tsunade forced you to sign the 'sponser a Konoha orphan' remember? That Konoha orphan was me. I asked her to do it on purpose. And I spent all your money. Point is, im broke, your broke, and Im on probation."

"Why are you on probation?"

"Hey, we're the one asking the questions, fuckbag." Sasuke says calmly.

"How dare you! That's enough from you, Uchiha!"

"Awww, have I hurt Danzo-chan's feelings?"

"Shut up!"

"No thanks. So tell me, have the other inmates noticed your fugliness yet? Are they cowering in fear every time they see you? Or do they not even look your way?"

Danzo gets mad and charges at Sasuke. He grabs Sasuke and puts him in a chokehold. Sasuke starts punching his back in attempt to get free. Naruto shoots out of his chair, grabs it, and swings it at Danzo.

"Hold on, Sasuke!" He slams the chair in Danzo's back. Danzo falls to the ground, screaming. Sasuke stumbles back, and starts kicking Danzo, who is on the ground. The guard comes in now with 5 other guards and start beating the crap out of Danzo. One escorts Naruto and Sasuke out.

The camera cuts to Naruto and Sasuke, who are standing outside the building, smiling. Kiba and Akamaru are also present.

Naruto faces camera "Im Naruto. Danzo's a fucker."

Sasuke says "Im Sasuke. This was Sasuto # 43. Our visit with Danzo ended when he attacked me. Fucking animal. Hey Kiba, say your name."

Kiba says "I'm Kiba. I can't believe he really tried to kill them. He must really be insane. (to Naruto and Sasuke throwing snowballs at a window) What are you doing?"

Naruto explains,"Danzo's in the window. We're pissing him off."

Sasuke says, "He finally spotted us. Smile and wave guys."

Naruto, Sasuke and Kiba wave and shout greetings to Danzo in the window. Danzo gets up, faces the window, and starts pounding on the glass, yelling stuff, but since he's so far, all they can hear is "MMF!! MRFF!! MRFMM!!!" Two guards show up in the window. One punches Danzo and the other pulls him from the window. All three guys are laughing hard.

Sasuke sighs. "What a fucking noob."


	9. Number 50

XTheCherryOnTopX does not own Naruto or Pokemon.

The camera starts with Naruto. He is sitting at a table drawing on a piece of paper with crayons. He is wearing a bright red beanie hat that has question marks all over it. Sasuke comes up behind Naruto, a finger on his lips, signaling to be quiet. He sneaks up to Naruto and is about to scare him...

"I know you're there, Sasuke."

"Damn." Sasuke comes to the other side of the table and sits down. "Did you figure anything out?"

"Yes. A few. (turns to camera) Im Naruto Uzumaki."

"Im Sasuke Uchiha. This is Sasuto Production #50."

"Today, we're planning a pokemon battle. Here I am, with my thinking cap." (points to red beanie)

"Dude, did you think of anything?"

"I did."

"Then?"

Naruto holds up his paper. It is a drawing of a pokemon- Charmander.

"What the-"

Naruto holds up a hand. He then pulls a pair of glasses out of his pocket. They are perfectly round- harry potter style. He puts these on. "Allow me to explain."

"Sakura is small. She is annoying. She has a squeaky voice. All these qualities make her a small, squeaky annoying pokemon- Charmander. I can put one of my old orange jumpsuits on her, and a sock for her tail. It won't be easy, cuz we'lle have to dress her."

Sasuke nods calmly. "We can do this. We need a fire pokemon anyways, right?"

"Yeah. Im going as pikachu, cuz of my hair. We'lle do it at Sakura's house. Since we have a pikachu, and a squirtle, all we need is a fire type, and Charmander will do."

"Excellent." (rubs hands together evilly)

The camera cuts to Sakura. She is sleeping. Naruto is standing over her, smiling evilly.

"We're in Sakura's house right now. It's three in the morning. We got in from the spare key she keeps in the potted plant out front. She probably thinks no one knows its there. Anyways, we're gonna put these on Sakura." He tiptoes over and begins shoving the jumpsuit over her head. "We gave Sakura sedatives, so she's completely knocked out. Sasuke, help me." Sasuke and Naruto carefully zip Sakura up in the jumpsuit. Naruto snickers.

"Dude, how freaking small is this girl? I wore that suit when I was a genin, and it's still loose on her."

"Seriously. I think she's part pixie or something." Sasuke puts orange mittens over Sakura's hands. Naruto puts an orange beanie on Sakura's head, and tucks her hair in so it can't be seen.

"Ok, im done. Wow, it looks pretty good." Sasuke says. Sakura is now fully decked out in orange. She also has an orange sock pinned to her butt as a tail. There is a small candle glued to the end.

The camera cuts to Naruto. He is a wearing bright yellow shirt and pants, his hair is sticking up in two spikes, and he has a yellow and black sock pinned to his ass. There are two red circles painted on his face. He holds a large bowl of cold ramen.

Sasuke comes into camera view. He is wearing light blue jeans, a red and white baseball cap, a blue and white half sleeves jacket, and a black shirt underneath. He is dragging a stuffed squirtle behind him. He turns, and grins. "Im Ash Ketchum!"

Naruto says "Pika pikachu!"

A loud scream erupts from Sakura's bedroom. She comes into view.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!? WHAT DID YOU DO?!?" she screams.

"Too many questions, Saki." Sasuke nods, and Naruto grabs Sakura from behind. Sasuke grabs the matches he left in his pocket and lights the candle glued to Sakura's "tail". "I finally have a Charmander! NOW, I CAN CAPTURE A THIRD POKEMON!!!"

"I'M ON FIRE, SASUKE! AAAHH!" Sakura screams. Sasuke points at Naruto. "Pikachu, I choose you!" he screams.

"Pika-chu!" Naruto screams, falling in front of Sasuke, who points at Sakura.

"Pikachu, thunderbolt!"

"PIKA-CHUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!" Naruto screams, spewing ramen all over Sakura, who screams.

Sasuke orders, "Hey Sakura, say Char-Charmander a few times. And make it cute."

"Char-Charmander? CHAR-CHARMANDER! YOU WANT ME TO SAY CHAR-CHARMANDER!? I AM ON FIRE!"

"Naruto, you were right. Her voice is perfect." They laugh harder as they realize Sakura's voice makes her a perfect Charmander. Sakura gives up trying to get help and dumps the rest of the cold ramen onto her tail.

"No! Charmander dies if his flame ever goes out!" Sasuke cries, falling backwards dramatically. "Im Sasuke Uchiha/Ash Ketchum. Seems like I'll never have a third pokemon." (sigh)

"Im Naruto. God, that was awesome. Right, Sakura? (sees Sakura fainted on the floor) Right."


	10. Number 54

The camera starts with Sasuke and Naruto. Naruto is smiling, and Sasuke is sulking.

"Im Naruto, the next Hokage."

"Im Sasuke. You can call me Master."

"This is Sasuto Production # 54. Today, We're going to Walmart. But first, Sasuke wants to tell us about his imaginary friend."

"I never agreed to do that."  
"Tell them Sasuke. Don't be a crap."

"You're jealous cuz the voices in my head talk to me and not you."

"Your crazy."

"I'm not crazy, you fucker. My reality is just different than yours. "

"What reality? You have an imaginary friend, for kami's sake!"

"Yeah, and my imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems."

"Which brings us back to the point. Introduce us to him."

Sasuke takes a deep breath. "You better not laugh."

"I'll try not to."

Sasuke has a sulky expression again. "Ok. Life with Orochimaru wasn't easy. He'd always try to sneak up on me and rape me, but whenever I caught him, he'd say he was just testing me to see if my reflexes were sharp. I didn't have anyone I could talk to-"

"What about Kabuto?"

"Why would I talk to him?"

"Wouldn't it be better to talk to him then yourself?"

"I talked to myself because I liked dealing with a better class of people."

"I see. This all has to do with the truths of life."

"What's that?"

"You talk to yourself a lot. You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. Right?"

"....Yeah."

"Well, then. But you realize the voices aren't real, right?"

"Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas."

"Right. So anyways, explain your friend."

Sasuke puts an arm around his imaginary friend. "His name is Herb."

"Herb?" Naruto is trying hard not to laugh.

"Yes, Herb...what's so funny?" Sasuke says indignantly.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. So, what did you and...Herb...talk about?"

Sasuke smiles childishly. "Lots of things. We were best friends. Can we go now?"

"Sure....hey, bring Herb with you."

"Alright. (turns toward the door) HERB, YOU TIGHTASS! GET OVER HERE, WE'RE GOING TO THE STORE!!!! (to camera) If he was more like me, he would come down here and defend himself, but noooo-"

The camera cuts to Sasuke. He has an annoyed, tired face on. Sakura is next to him, yelling.

"Why can't I come? You guys never let me go anywhere with you!!!"

"Its 'cause we don't want you with us, Saki." Sasuke says, patting her head. She swats his hand away.

"Why?! What have I ever done to you?!?"

"Um. Bitch us. Duh."

"What? I do NOT bitch you! I only-"

"You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out.(Sakura opens her mouth to speak but Sasuke interrupts) Yeah, like that. Stop it."

Sakura walks away, angrily, blinking back tears and muttering to herself.

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "You'd think she'd understand it by now."

"Dude, Sakura was never one for understanding."

The camera cuts to Naruto, who is standing at an ATM. As money comes out, he screams proudly "I WON! I WON!" People look at him wierdly, as he grabs the money and smiles at the camera. "Here we are, in front of Walmart! Sasuke has his tiny camera on his forehead protector. Where to?"

"The back where all the music stuff is. I have important business there." Sasuke says.

"Alright."

Sasuke grabs a cart, and Naruto gets into it. They charge into the store, as Naruto screams "THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!"

A loud voice comes on the intercom "Can the two young men in the cart please stop racing?"

Sasuke falls on the floor and screams "THE VOICES!! THEY'RE BACK!!"

A clerk walks up to them. "Can I help you?"  
Sasuke says "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Naruto says "Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. HAIL NERDS!" Sasuke pushes the cart away from the clerk, who has a confused look on her face. They are going through a random food aisle when Naruto sees an old man "Grandpa! Your ALIVE! Its a MIRACLE!" (holds out arms)

The old geezer squints at Naruto, then says "Is that you, little Billy?"

Sasuke and Naruto snicker crazily. "No, Grandpa, its Philly, remember?" Naruto says.

The grandpa gets a confused face "Oh, sorry. My memory is faulty. So Philly, how have you been? I remember you used to have trouble with your allergies. How are you now? Do you take any medication? My doctor says I need to excersize more..." he continues to ramble as Sasuke pushes the cart further down. They reach the changing rooms. Naruto nods to Sasuke and goes in. A little while later, Naruto screams very loudly, from inside the room, "THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!!!"

Several employees run over to the changing rooms. One has toilet paper in his hand. Sasuke laughs crazily as Naruto runs out, and he gets in the cart and they go over to the bagels section. Naruto opens a door and grabs a of container of cream cheese. When he is sure they are alone, he opens it, and smears cream cheese all over his face. He then steps into the freezer, and begins chanting "We love bagels! We love bagels!"

Another clerk comes running over. "Sir, im afraid you can't be in there." she says. Naruto gets a mad face.

"Its because im gay, isn't it? I'd expect this from Mcdonald's, but not from Walmart! You motherfucker-" he gets out and slips on the cream cheese, which he dropped on the floor. Naruto falls straight back. "AH! I broke my back! This wouldn't happen at Target!" Naruto screams, rolling around like an idiot.

"Naruto, you fuckbag, stop rolling around like a dog!"

Naruto stands up "Call me a dog, did you?"

"Yeah, I did! And a fuckbag too!"

"Umm.." the clerk backs away slowly. Sasuke turns to her. "Oh yeah, I needed to ask, do you have any Shnerples here?"

"Any what, now?"

"Shnerples."

"Ummm....." the lady has a confused face. "Let me ask the manager." she hurries off.

The camera cuts to a clothes rack for young boys. A little boy with glasses goes over to the rack, and pulls out a t-shirt. He is looking at it, satisfied, when Naruto pokes his head out of the rack and screams "You're a wizard, Harry!"

The boy gasps, and runs off, screaming. Naruto and Sasuke start laughing like crazy when the boy comes back, with a fat lady.

"Excuse me, why did you scare my son?" she asks angrily. The boy is sniffling and cowering behind her.

Sasuke hands the woman a box of Cheerios "Here, have these. A gift from me to you."

The woman throws back the cheerios "Apologize to my son!"

Sasuke gets hit by the cheerios. He screams "ASSULT! ASSULT!! SECURITY!!!!"

Naruto says "Why don't you want the cheerios? It lowered my cholesterol!"

The woman leaves in a huff, and the security comes. Many random customers stand around watching.

"What is it, sir?" one officer says. Naruto runs over and grabs his collar. "THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT!!!" He screams.

Another officer says "Calm down, please, and tell us the problem."

Naruto smiles childishly. "Hi." he says, and waves at them.

The camera cuts to Sasuke. He is standing in an aisle. A few inches away is a twenty dollar bill, lying on the ground. Sasuke turns to the camera. "Naruto's wearing my forehead protector/camera now. See that? (points at twenty dollar bill) That's mine. Isn't it pretty?"

A random man sees the 20, and picks it up. Sasuke runs, flailing his arms, and yells "Hands off my dollar!" He then pounces on the man, and they end up in a fist fight. Sasuke grabs the dude's hair and gives it a yank, and then they all freeze and take in who this is.

"Neji?!" Sasuke says in disbelief. He still has Neji's hair in his clutches.

Neji screeches "Let go of my hair, bitch!"

Sasuke gets mad "I TOLD YOU (punch) NOT TO PISS(punch) ME OFF(punch) FUCKBAG!!!!"

Tenten, who is standing next to Naruto, and watching in shock, says "No! Stop it, both of you! Of all the places, to fight, in a public grocery store!"

Sasuke says "Well, I don't see any private grocery stores, bitch!" and punches Neji in the jaw.

Naruto chants "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Tenten says tiredly "Naruto, what did I just say?"

Naruto recites exactly what he heard Tenten say "Bla! Bla bla, bla bla bla! Bla bla bla bla bla bla, bla bla bla bla!"

Security comes and stops the fight.

The camera cuts to Sasuke, who is standing in the fish section. Several customers are watching him curiously. Sasuke pets the fish tank and says "I know how you feel..(turns to clerk) Excuse me!"

The clerk says "Yes, can I help you?"

Sasuke turns "Yes. Do you have any goat milk?"

"Um..I don't think we carry that."

"DAMN THIS FUCKING STORE!!!! YOU DON'T HAVE DAMN SHNERPALS, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY GOAT MILK!!! NOW WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE ON???" Sasuke roars.

The clerk looks like she is going to speak, but Sasuke puts a hand up.

"Never mind. Herb and I will find our own ways to survive, won't we Herb?!" Sasuke puts an arm around his imaginary friend and they walk down the hall. A younger woman comes over and her cart passes through the spot where "Herb" is standing.

"HEY! WATCH IT YOU BITCH!!!!" Sasuke screams, falling on the ground. He curves his hands near the floor, so it looks like he's holding someone's head. "Herb, speak to me!"

The woman comes running "Oh, Im so sorry, I-" she pauses when she sees no one there.

Sasuke looks up at her. "Apologize to Herb."

"Um, to who?"

"Herb."

"But, sir, there's no one-"

"EXCUSE ME?!?! DON'T DENY THE FACT THAT HERB EXISTS!!! JUST APOLOGIZE, FUCKDAMMIT!!! YOU SHOULD BE GLAD IM NOT SUING YOU!!!! RUNNING OVER PEOPLE WITH YOUR CART LIKE AN ANIMAL!!!"

"But, sir, there is no one there!"  
"HERB IS VERY MUCH THERE, THANKS!"

An elderly woman says "Young man, who is Herb?"

Sasuke grins "My imaginary friend, who this evil little prick (points at girl) just slammed into with her cart!"

The camera cuts to Sasuke. He is wearing a trench coat and sunglasses. He slips over to the section with electronic kiddie cars and says loudly "The rooster is in the nest." he then proceeds to go over a pink barbie jeep. He gets in the "drivers" seat, and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a barbie, which he places on the passenger seat.

"Let's bust this joint!" Sasuke says loudly, pushing his glasses further up on his nose, he steps on the pedal, but the jeep doesn't go. Sasuke calls a clerk over.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"This piece of crap won't drive. How am I supposed to go to work if I can't drive my vehicle?" Sasuke says angrily. The clerk looks like he is trying to hold back laughter.

"Sir, all of these jeeps have the wheels locked. You have to buy it first."

"Who the fuck thought of a shit rule like that? In MY country, we had free jeeps for everyone!"

Naruto screams "LONG LIVE GLASKANOFIA!!!"

Sasuke turns to the clerk and says loudly "Wanna hear the national anthem!? You do!? Naruto, hit it!"

Both start singing random nonsense.

The camera cuts a clerk. Sasuke's voice is heard, frantic "I need help! I lost my son!"

The clerk says "Calm down, Sir. What's his name?"

"His name is Dennis!"

The clerk calls into the intercom "Can Dennis please come to the checkout, his father is waiting for him."

They wait for a while, and when nothing happens, Sasuke gets the clerk to help him look for his "son". They wander around a store for a while until they go into the meat section. In the middle of the aisle is a cart, that is turned over and covered in towels. Several people are pointing to it and whispering. The clerk walks over and lifts up one of the towels.

Naruto's voice is heard from inside"HEY! Im trying to use the bathroom here! Can't a guy take a crap in privacy?!"

The clerk forces Naruto out, and the two are arguing. Sasuke comes over.

"Dennis, you fucking bitch, were you shitting in a cart again? You fucking asshole, how many times have I told you not to do that?"

The clerk says "This is your son?"

Sasuke says "Yeah. He's adopted."

The camera cuts to Naruto, who is standing in the toys aisle. He comes over, with a watergun in one hand and a plushie flamingo in the other. Sasuke's hand is seen, as he hands Naruto some string. "Here."

Naruto ties the string to the flamingo, and then the other side to his ankle. He hands Sasuke the watergun, and then proceeds to around the store screaming "HELP!!! ITS AFTER ME!!!!"

A random clerk who is helping a customer says "Sir, calm down! What is after you?!?"

Naruto grabs the clerk's collar so they are 1 inch apart "Can't you see im on the run? I don't have time to explain! Its gonna get me!!!"

A little girl says "Whats gonna get you, mister?"

Naruto says "The most vicious, vile, man eating thing I've ever seen- AAAGGHHHH THERE IT IS!!!!!! (points at plushie flamingo) RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!" and runs down the aisle screaming, the plushie flying behind him.

The camera cuts to Sasuke, who is in line at the register. He pays for the flamingo plushie, and then Naruto steps up. He points a watergun at the cashier and says in a low, dangerous voice "Empty out the cash register."

The clerk stares at him for a while. Naruto slowly puts the watergun back in his pocket, and backs away. 'Im watching you' he mouths to the clerk. Then, he and Sasuke go over to customer service.

"How can I help you?" An elderly woman says kindly. Sasuke smiles.

"Hi. I need an application for a job here, please."

"Sure. Here you go." (hands Sasuke application)

"Thank you very much." Sasuke says pleasantly.

He then sits down and fills it out. (Naruto zooms in on application)

**name:**** Pedro Burrito Sasuto**

**age****: 8 and 1/2**

**address:**** 1234 Spicy Sandals street, Flarpo, Glaskanofia**

**telephone:**** 1-800-ROCK-LEE (its toll free)**

**email****: DragonSlayer_DarthVader1293konohamail. net**

**SURVEY: PLEASE FILL OUT IN COMPLETE SENTENCES.**

**Q-Why do you want to work here?**

**A-'Cause me gots nothing else to do.**

**Q-If a customer asks for help, how would you respond?**

**A-I'd say "Do I look like a miracle worker, bitch?" **(draws a middle finger)

**Q-How do you feel about helping people?**

**A**-(sasuke draws a fat guy snoring)

**Q-How do you feel about fairness with others?**

**A-Um. I like fairness. Especially when it has merry-go-rounds.**

**Q-Write one thing you love.**

**A- sea horses. they are lotsa different colors. and they have springy tails. **

**Q-Have you ever worked in a store before?**

**A-What is this, a life story?**

**Q-What are your goals?**

**A-To take over Walmart.**

He then goes over to a box and drops it in. "I hope I get hired!" he says excitedly to the lady, who smiles.

"I hope so too, dear. It will be nice to work with a gentleman as well mannered as you." she says. Naruto is laughing hysterically in the background.

Sasuke says shyly "Me, well mannered? Awww...."

The camera cuts to Naruto. He is standing in team 7's training field.

"Im Naruto. This was Sasuto #54. Sasuke flirted with an old lady. We brought mayhem to Walmart."

"Im Sasuke. I did NOT flirt with an old lady, you fuckface. It was vice versa."

Sakura comes over, sulking. "Have fun at Walmart?" She asks accusingly.

"Yeah we did." Sasuke says. Naruto pokes him in the rib, and Sasuke grunts and holds out the plushie flamingo, which has a red bow tied around the neck.

"We- ugh- got this for you. We've been really mean to you lately (Naruto: You mean YOU!) and we just wanted to say soaaa.."

Sakura looks at him. "Say what, Sasuke?"

"Soaaaaaarr..."

"Yesss?" Sakura looks very hopeful.

"Sooaaaary." Sasuke spits out. Sakura smiles brightly.

"Awww, Sasuke-kun! That's so sweet!" she takes the flamingo and kisses his cheek. Sasuke whipes his cheek with the back of his hand, blushing furiously.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Just don't expect it ever again."

Naruto teases "Awwwww, is our little Sasuke-poo blushing?"

Sasuke turns immediately "GO EAT YOUR CRAP!!!" he screams, pushing Naruto over and then punching him several times as the camera stops filming.


	11. Number 62

The camera starts with both Naruto and Sasuke. They are sitting in Sakura's kitchen, on opposite ends of the table. Sasuke's hands are folded in front of his face, and he is staring seriously at Naruto. Naruto is squinting at Sasuke, who turns to the camera.

"Im Sasuke Uchiha."

Naruto looks at the camera. His expression doesn't change.

"Im Naruto Uzumaki."

"This is Sasuto Prouduction # 62."

"Today, Sasuke and I are doing an acronym challenge."

Sasuke holds up a piece of paper "We've chosen a name we are going to turn into acronyms. I've chosen Sakura."

"Dude, that's hilarious. I chose Hinata."

"Mhmm. No one knows about this, 'cause we're gonna make it a surprise."

The camera cuts to Naruto, who is wearing a red beanie with question marks all over it. He looks like he's in pain.

"Dude, this is really hard." Naruto complains.

"I think I know that, Naruters. Shut the fuck up." Sasuke says.

Naruto says "Even though I have my thinking hat on....I already got H. But what do I write for N? This is soo fucking hard, im gonna die."

"Good. Maybe then I can concentrate in peace."

"Fuck you, Sasuke."

Sakura walks into the kitchen. She is wearing running shorts and a t-shirt and has a towel draped around her neck. Sasuke curves his paper when he sees her so she won't look at his paper.

"I still don't see why you guys can't do this somewhere else." she complains.

Sasuke retorts "Pinky, you said yourself that you think we should spend "quality time" together as a team. That's why we're here."

"This isn't what I meant by quality time, Sasuke-kun-"

"I don't care. Shut the fuck up now before I whip this camera in your face."

"You wouldn't." Sakura dares.

"My money's on Sasuke." Naruto chirps.

Sakura gets into a punching stance. "Naruto, you stupid-"

"If you lay a finger on him, pinky, im gonna chidori you to the moon." Sasuke says quickly. Sakura stares at him for a moment, before leaving in a huff.

Naruto wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. "Thanks, dude. Sakura's punches are crazy. I swear she has troll arms."

"Duh. That's 'cause Sakura's from a motherfucking demon-troll tribe. Also known as the Haruno clan. Guess what?"

"What?"

"Im done with Sakura's name!"

"Godammit! Why does Hinata's name have to be so hard?"

"It's alright. Not everyone can be as brilliant as me, right?"

"Shut up, Sasuke!"

The camera cuts to Naruto. He runs into Sakura's backyard, in a sweatshirt and sweatpants, and starts doing pushups.

"Its about time you got back." Sasuke's voice is heard.

"Yeah, yeah. Awww, look at you. Why are you all dressed up? Gimme the camera so I can get a shot of you. (takes camera and points it at Sasuke. He is wearing a black shirt with the Uchiha symbol on the back and black pants) Our little boy's all grown up."(sniff)

"Alright, fuckface, that's enough.(takes camera) You don't remember?"

"Who did you kill? We're probably going to their funeral."

"Guess again. Hey, stay away from me. Your all sweaty and gross." Sasuke steps back.

"Fuck you. I'm Naruto. And I'm confused."

"Sai's party, remember?"

"Oh, that's right. Party!"

"Excellent work."

Naruto announces proudly "Hi! Im Naruto! Sai's having a party today-"

"Actually, Ino's having a party. She just thinks that Sai is so damn isolated that he needs a party every other week."

Naruto confirms "Yeah, that's about it. And its not even a party. We just sit and talk. Its like, group therapy."

Sasuke says "Dobe, if you don't shower, I'm hosing you down."

Naruto smiles evilly before the camera stops. It starts again showing Naruto, still in his clothes, in the shower, with the water running over him.

"Not what I had in mind, but ok. Why do I have to stay? I feel gay."

"You are gay! (turns off water and steps out) Do I look pretty now?"

"Not pretty, but better. Get dressed."

Naruto takes his pants off.

"Not in front of me!" yells Sasuke.

"I'm ready!" Naruto turns in circles in place a few times.

"You're going to a party in a wet sweatshirt and boxers. And wet hair." Sasuke confirms.

"Yup. Let's go."

They go outside, where everyone except for Sai and Ino are waiting.

"Naruto, get dressed!" Sakura says.

"I am dressed."

"Go put on something decent! Sasuke-kun did." Sakura tries to set an example.

Naruto chuckles "Sasuke is not dressed decent. He isn't wearing underwear. I am! See?" He pulls up his sweater to show his boxers. They are bright orange and have the words "ramen" "hokage" and "Naruto" all over them.

"Personalized? Where did you get those?" Kiba says, baffled.

Naruto grins "I have my ways."

Kiba slaps his forehead "I officially know too much."

Tenten hits Naruto on the back of the head. "Naruters, I'm warning you now, do not piss me off, mother fucker, cuz it would be a shame to get blood on that shirt of yours."

"I never piss you off, Tenten. You're just a whiny baby who has nothing else to do except try to beat me up-"

Tenten and Naruto get into a tussle.

Tenten punches him in the face several times before Naruto falls. He doesn't do anything, 'cause Tenten's a girl.

"AAAAAHHHH!!!!" Naruto screams. Neji and Sasuke rush over. Sasuke shoves Tenten off, and she falls onto her butt. This gets Neji mad, so he and Sasuke end up in a tussle, too, with Naruto stuck in the middle.

"MOTHERFUCKER!!" Sasuke screams.

"SHUT UP!!" Neji lands a punch.

"STOP IT!!!" Tenten shrieks.

Naruto gets out and pulls Sasuke off of Neji. The camera stops filming.

The camera again with Sasuke, who is standing in front of everyone else. He takes the camera from Naruto, who is sitting in a circle. Ino, Sakura, Shino, Sai, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, Lee, Hinata, Tenten and Neji all sit in that order. Naruto has two papers in his hand.

"So, today, Sasuke and I challenged each other to an acronym challenge. I did Hinata." Naruto holds up his paper.

"You better not have written anything inappropriate, Naruto." Neji says. Sasuke snorts. "Who's gonna stop him? You?"

"Yeah, me."

Sasuke and Neji exchange death glares.

Naruto says "Im starting. (reads) Hyuuga Hinata. Her name means "sunny" "Towards the sun" "Sunflower" and such. She's shy, pretty, kind, smart and caring. She turns red whenever she sees me, and then she faints. H is for hot, 'cause she is DAMN hot. E is for energetic-"

Sasuke interupts "Naruto....there's no E in Hinata."

"Yes, there is."

"Spell Hinata."

Naruto spells "H-E-E-N-A-T-A, right?"

Everyone minus Sasuke, Neji, Naruto, Shikamaru, Hinata and Shino burst out laughing. Hinata is blushing and mumbling "N-Naruto-kun..."

Shikamaru flops down onto the ground, muttering "Troublesome."

Naruto is blushing crazily "Ok, ok! It was an honest mistake, GAWD! Besides, I had backup incase! Let me finish!"

Sasuke smirks. "Ok, ok dobe. Go ahead."

Naruto sighs and continues "I is for indecisive, because Hinata is very indecisive...but not about everything. Just some stuff. N is for nervous, 'cause she always seems nervous around me, and its kinda wierd, but kinda cute, too. A is for adorable, 'cause, ummm, she's adorable, T is for tranquilizer-"

"What the hell, Naruto?" Tenten interupts. Naruto gets angry.

"HEY, you don't see ME interupting you when you're trying to speak! Shut the hell up and listen, fucker!"

"Hey, don't talk to her like that!" Neji says.

"Neji, no one wants to hear your gay, stupid voice. Shut the fuck up." Sasuke says calmly.

Naruto continues "T is for Tranquilizer, 'cause she's a tranquilizer, and A is for a-fucking-mazing. Done! Did you like it, Hinata?"

Sasuke turns the camera to get a shot of Hinata. She's fainted on the ground next to Tenten.

"Heheh, she fainted." (zooms in on Hinata sprawled on ground)

"That was actually very sweet, Naruto." Ino says dreamily. "A young man in love, confesses his feelings through acronyms! What-"

"Hey, im not confessing anything, I just told the truth." Naruto says boredly. He takes the camera from Sasuke. "Your turn, dude."

Sasuke stretches. "As it is that I am a busy man-"

Neji mutters "Yeah, right."

Sasuke sits up immediatly. "Did you say something, slutface?"

"No." Neji sulks.

"Didn't think so. Anyways, I am a busy man. I have no time to be doing childish things such as acronym challenges. So, I chose a name I knew I could complete fast." Sasuke bats his eyelashes. "Haruno Sakura."

Everyone groans. Sakura hides her face behind her sweatshirt.

"Haruno Sakura. Roughly translated, Sakura means "cherry blossom" and Haruno means "springfield". All I can tell you is that it is very floral."

"Very floral, indeed." Naruto confirms.

Sasuke nods and continues "Sakura. S is for suckup. This is because Sakura is a suckup. Teacher's pet at the academy, sucks up to Tsunade, and also to me-"

"That's not true, Sasuke!" Sakura shrieks from behind her sweatshirt.

"No one asked for your evaluation." Sasuke reminds her. He then continues.

"A is for annoying, 'cause she is goddamn annoying, and we all know it."

"Is that all? Just bad stuff for Sakura's name? Why couldn't you write something nice, like what Naruto wrote?" Tenten says angrily. Naruto hears this and gets all proud.

"Yeah, Sasuke, why couldn't you write like me?" Naruto says. Sasuke gives him the finger.

"Listen, you bunch of faggots, im not finished, so kindly shut your faces until then. Moving along! Where was I?"

Naruto says "You were at K."

Sasuke smirks. "Ah, yes. K. K stands for knowledgable. Sakura is a brilliant student, even though she gets wrapped up in me alot. U is for understanding. Ok, Sakura's not really understanding, but she tries....at least for me. R is for radiant, 'cause that's how she looks when she's happy, or excited. A is for amazing, 'cause that's what she is to me."

Naruto turns the camera slowly around the group, so everyone can be seen. They mostly look normal, except for some. Ino is squealing in her seat. Hinata is still fainted next to Tenten, who is still and shocked. Neji is staring at Sasuke like he's an alien, and Sakura is beet-red. Sasuke looks around.

"What are you looking at?" he asks Neji, specifically. Tenten points at Sasuke and looks at Naruto. "This_ is _the same Sasuke, right?"

Naruto nods. Sasuke looks around.

"What's wrong with you people? What the hell are you looking at?!" he shrieks.

"Hey, Naruto, you sure you didn't drug him? Or write that for him?" Kiba asks. Naruto shakes his head. "I didn't-"

"What was that, Neji?" Sasuke says angrily.

"Huh?" Neji is confused, 'cause he didn't say anything. Sasuke punches him.

"Fuckbag!"

"What the hell was that for, Sasuke?!" Neji says angrily.

"For looking at me funny."

"Guess he's back to normal." Tenten says sadly.

"What did you say?!" Sasuke makes a menacing move towards Tenten. Neji punches him.

"Don't touch my girlfriend!"

"Don't tell me what to do, motherfucker!" Sasuke shrieks. He then starts pummeling Neji.

The camera cuts to Sasuke. He is being trailed by several fangirls. He looks extremely annoyed and pissed off.

"Wow! Aren't you Sasuke Uchiha?" asks one girl, truly amazed.

"No." Sasuke answers flatly as he continues walking home.

"But that's the Uchiha symbol. On the back of your shirt." Another trys to reason with Sasuke.

"No."

Naruto whispers to a fangirl "Watch this. Sasuke, is your shirt black?"

"No."

"See, he's just being stupid." Naruto giggles.

"You're going down, little blond man!" Sasuke growls. The camera cuts as Sasuke lunges towards Naruto. In the background, several fangirls shriek and run away.


	12. Number 76

XTheCherryOnTopX does not own Naruto, the Jonas Brothers, or AAR.

The camera starts with Sasuke. He is wearing a white button-down shirt, black pants, and a navy blue tie. He grins at the camera.

"Hey, guys! Im Uchiha Sasuke, the one and only." (takes camera)

Naruto smiles at the camera. He is wearing something similar to Sasuke, but his tie is orange.

"Yeah, and thank god for only one Sasuke! Im Uzumaki Naruto! Learn it, love it. This is Sasuto Production number 76."

"Forget you, dobe."

"I love you too, teme. Guess what, camera!" Naruto says excitedly. "Tonight's the Konoha Dance! Yay!"

Sasuke snorts "You're actually excited about that thing?"

Naruto retorts as he fixes his tie in the mirror "Yes, teme, unlike you, I show other emotions besides emo-ness and rage."

"Bastard.(hands Naruto camera) Anyways, The Konoha Dance is held once every year. This is our first year going...I mean, as Konoha 13. You have to be at least 18 to attend, and we all just turned 18 this year, well, except for Team Gai, so yeah."

Naruto says "It's Team Gai's first dance, too. They didn't go last year."

Sasuke snorts "Bunch of losers."

"Shut it, Sasuke! OH! Don't forget about your promise!"

Sasuke makes a face. "Yeah, yeah."

Naruto says "Sasuke's so fucking gullible, I got him to promise to take Sakura-chan to the dance! He also has to be nice to her. Right, Sasuke-chan?"

Sasuke says "Fucker....whatever....we're going to be late. (to camera) Since carrying around the camera is going to be a drag, I am going to be wearing my forehead protector/tiny camera."

Naruto runs a hand through his hair "So you can watch and see just how smooth I am with the ladies. Get ready to take some notes, viewers, 'cause men like me don't come around every day, haha."

Sasuke warns "Remember dobe, you're taking Hinata, of all people. You can't fuck this up, or the Hyuuga clan will eat your brains out. They're demon folk, honest."

Naruto laughs "Do I look like someone who will fuck this up, Sasuke?"

Sasuke's face is emotionless "YES."

"HEY!"

The camera cuts to Sakura. The sky is dark and she is standing outside a small building. She is wearing a pale pink dress and her long hair is curled at the back. She smiles. "Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke's voice is heard "Hey. You look nice."

Sakura blushes "Thanks, Sasuke. You look nice too."

"Mhmm. Hey, there's Asuma." Sasuke says. Asuma is seen standing on the balcony with Kurenai. He's obviously smoking.

"He shouldn't smoke..." Sakura mumbles.

"Yeah...let's go inside." Sasuke grabs her hand and drags her towards team Asuma.

Inside the building, the lights are dim, and there is slow music playing in the backgroung. Some people are dancing, others not.

Ino is wearing a purple knee length dresss, and her hair is straight and long. Shikamaru is at the punch table, along with Chouji.

"Hi, Sasuke-kun. Hey, forehead." Sakura and Ino get into conversation, and Sasuke is turning his head until Naruto comes into view. He is arguing with Neji. Tenten stands next to him, looking annoyed, and Hinata is cowering behind her.

"Slutface is at it again." Sasuke mumbles and makes his way over. As he gets closer, Naruto and Neji's words can be heard.

"Don't try anything, Naruto!"

"Im not gonna "try" anything! Why do you keep assuming things?"

"Because you're a pervert!"

"Am not!"

Sasuke reaches them. "Hey Naruto. Hinata. Slutface." He doesn't even bother to acknowledge Tenten.

"Uchiha." Neji says coldly.

"Hyuuga." They both exchange death glares.

The battle begins.

"Sharingan."

"Byakugan."

"Illusions."

"360 vision."

"Tenten."

"Neji!" Tenten interrupts. Neji ignores her.

Sasuke says slyly "Sakura."

"Sasuke-kunn! Geez, I lost you! Don't wander off!" Sakura's voice is heard, and then she is seen next to him.

"Sorry."

"Hey Sakura-chan!" Naruto says. Sakura grins.

"Hey, you guys! (turns to Sasuke) I want a drink."

Sasuke says "So go get one-"

He gets elbowed by Naruto.

Sasuke (glares) "What?"

Naruto whispers "You promised to be nice to her!"

Sasuke sighs, and turns back to Sakura. "Anyone else want a drink?"

They all go over to the punch table.

"This punch tastes different.." Sakura mumbles, and she takes more.

Naruto says, in a high tone, "YES, it is GOOD." (drinks)

All of them keep drinking for a while, occasionally spilling or laughing and choking on their drinks.

Tenten's face is flushed, and she pulls Neji's sleeve "Mmm...Neji-kun..."

Neji looks wired "Heheh...yeah?"

"Lets go make out.." Tenten mumbles.

"Ok!"

Sasuke zooms in on Tenten dragging Neji away. They don't get far, to the steps, and then their making out.

"Duuude..." Naruto says dizzily. "I think someone spiked the punch.."

Sasuke nods. "Totally. Hey, look...(zooms in on the entrance of the hall) It's the sand siblings."

Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara are standing in the door. Gaara gets dragged in by Matsuri.

Naruto says "Awww..is that Gaara's girlfriend? She's cute."

Hinata punches Naruto's back "Goddamn you...Uzumaki...lookit me fer once..."

Naruto turns to Hinata, and they are locked in a staring contest.

"Im lookingg..." Naruto slurs. Hinata laughs and drags Naruto on the dance floor. In the back, Temari is seen dragging Shikamaru to the punch table.

Sasuke's voice is heard "Damn, everyone's wired. I wonder who spiked the punch.(zooms in on Sai, who is sitting and looking accomplished) Im on to you, you fake smiler idiot bastard penis lover."

Sakura grabs his sleeve "Heyyyy, Saucyyy.."

Sasuke mutters "Now my name's Saucy....what, Sakura?"

"I see Temari...." Sakura drags Sasuke over to Temari and Shikamaru.

"Hiya, Temari. What're you doing here?" Sakura says.

Shikamaru says "I asked Temari to come, since its a dance thing, and her brothers decided to come too, and its troublesome, but the punch is spiked so its a good thing I have a high alcohol tolerance. Seems like the chaperones took off...Temari?" Shikamaru looks over at his arm, to see Ino tugging on it.

"Shikaaaa, dance with me." she says.

Temari steps up. "Back off, pig. She's mine."

Sasuke snickers "Hey Shikamaru, your a 'she'."

Shikamaru groans "Troublesome...."

Ino says "Who are you calling a pig, you slut?"

Temari says "Who are you calling a slut, you bitch?"

Ino splutters "Bitch?! Whore!"

Temari retaliates "You wanna start something, blondie?"

"Yeah, blondie!" Ino spits.

Temari slams her drink on the table. Shikamaru winces.

"Its on, bitch."

Temari tackles Ino from the front with a screech. Ino pushes back frantically, but since Temari is 3 years older then her, she has the advantage. Ino slams her fist into Temari's cheek. Temari pulls Ino's hair. Ino rips Temari's dress.

Sakura runs over, and grabs Ino. Shikamaru, along with Gaara, get Temari.

"Both of you stop....now!" Sakura says dizzily.

"Stay away from Shika!" Temari screams.

"YOU stay away for Shika! Go home, grass girl!" Ino yells randomly.

"Im from sand, loser!" Temari screams, as she gets pulled away by Shikamaru.

"Oh yeah?! Looks like grass to me!" Ino says, gestering towards her hair.

"Excuse me?!" Temari screams. The two continue screaming insults at each other, but they can't be heard well because Sasuke is laughing too hard.

"GREETINGS, YOUTHFUL PEOPLE. HOW IS YOUR YOUTH?" Lee shouts as he enters the hall. No one pays attention to him.

"Hey look, its Lee-san...HI LEE-SAN!!!" Sakura shrieks, waving at Lee. He waves back.

"HELLO, SAKURA-SAN! HOW IS YOUR YOUTH?"

"Fine..." Sakura mutters, and she stumbles. Luckily, Sasuke grabs her before she falls flat on her face.

"OH, PUNCH. HOW DELIGHTFUL." Lee says, and he takes a cup.

Sasuke gasps. "Oh, crap!"

Sakura looks up at him sleepily. "Hmm? What, Saucy?"

"Lee's drinking the punch!" Sasuke says, and he starts to run to stop Lee, but he can't 'cause he's supporting Sakura.

"Drinking's normal, Saucy...its a parta life.." Sakura says, snuggling against Sasuke.

Sasuke's voice is heard "Goddammit...Naruto!"

The picture turns so Naruto is in view. "Yo, 'sup birds?" Naruto says, waving casually.

"Lee's drinking the spiked punch!"

Naruto's eyes get wide. "Oh crap! Are you serious?! We gotta stop him! (turns) but first, I gotta find Hinata..."

"You LOST your date?!" Sasuke says angrily.

Suddenly, there are gasps and people pointing at the punch table. Sasuke turns so in the camera's view is Lee, standing on the table. He isn't wearing pants, and he has the bowl of punch in his hands.

"FOR YOUTH!!!" Lee screams, and downs the entire bowl of punch.

"Fuck." Sasuke says seriously.

Sakura says "Don't swear, Saucy-chann..."

Lee jumps off the table, flopping around like a rubber band. People stare. Lee stares back. Then, he points at a random guy "HEY! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S IMPOLITE TO STARE?!?!"

Lee lunges at the random guy, who screams and runs. Lee chases the poor dude around the hall.

"Found her!" Naruto's voice is heard from behind. Sasuke turns around.

Naruto is carrying Hinata on her back.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Sasuke says.

Sakura mumbles again "Don't curse, Saucy-channnn..."

Naruto says "She was on the balcony and I guess I scared her so she fainted-"

"STOP TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY GIRLFRIEND!!!" Neji's voice is heard screaming. The camera turns so he is in view. Neji has his arms around Tenten, and he's screaming at the wall.

"Neji's screaming at the wall. I knew he was insane." Sasuke says sadly.

Sakura says "Insane is a niiice word. It's "in" and "sane" put together! Its like, Im IN sane! Haha! Get it, Saucy-chan? IN sane?" (looks up at Sasuke)

Sasuke sighs "Yeah, I get it, Sakura." Just then, Lee runs past them, chasing the random poor guy. Kiba is riding on Akamaru, and chasing after Lee.

"YEEHAA!!!" Kiba screams.

Sasuke wonders out loud "I wonder if Akamaru's drunk, too?"

Sakura giggles "Saucy-channnn..."

Sasuke sighs "Yes, Sakura?"

"You have a nice ass.."

Sasuke chokes.

"Umm. T-Thank you, Sakura."

"Nehh. Hey Saucy-chan, I think I love you. You love me, too right? RIGHT??" Sakura says.

Sasuke says "Ummm, yeah. Uhuh."

Sakura pokes him angrily and says "You're a lying liar who lies, Saucy."

"HEY EVERYONE!!!" Sasuke turns so the camera view is on Ino. She is standing on the stage. Her dress is ripped, and her eyeliner is smudged. She has her arm around Temari, who's hair is undone, and one of her shoes is missing.

"THIS ONE'S FOR...ALL OF...YOU!" Temari screams, throwing her arm out for emphasis.

Sasuke mutters "Weren't those two beating each other up like, ten minutes ago?"

Sakura giggles and says "People change, Saucy-chan. Like you."

Sasuke turns to her "I changed?"

Sakura twirls in circles "Yep! You used to hate me! Now you love me! Right?"

"Uhuh..."

Ino and Temari start screaming into the mic-

"HER VOICE IS ECHOING IN MY MIND! I COUNT THE DAYS 'TIL SHE ISSSS MIINNNNNNE!!!"

"CAN'T TELL MAH FRIENDS 'CAUSE THEY WILL LAUGH I LOVE A GIRL FROM SENIOR CLASS!!! OHHHH!!!!"

"I DAYDREAM THROUGH MY FRESHMEN CLASS WHILE SHE FILLS OUT HER COLLEGE APPPPPPPSSSS!!!!"

Sasuke mutters "God, they're loud...(turns) Hey, there's Shino..."

Shino is standing near the door, opposite to Neji and Tenten, who are on the other side.

Sasuke says "Wierdo."

Suddenly, Naruto's voice is heard "I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA TOUCH YOU! YOU WANNA TOUCH ME TOO???? EVERYDAY AND ALL I HAVE IS TIME! OUR LOVE'S THE PERFECT CRIME!"

Sasuke groans "Naruto, you fuckbag. (goes over to stage) Dobe, get down!"

Naruto says "NO! I've never felt so...... ALIVE!" (waves arms)

Sasuke retorts "You say that whenever you watch the washing machines at 1 $ Laundry. Get down."

Naruto mutters and gets down.

Sasuke looks around "You asswhipe, did you lose Hinata again?"

Naruto says "NO! She's sleeping!"

Sasuke says "Where?"

Naruto says "Overrrrrrr....there!" he points at Hinata, who is asleep in the corner. She is using Akamaru as a pillow and Naruto's jacket as blanket.

"Oh, ok. I think we should go-"

"NO! Dance first!" Sakura says stubbornly, crossing her arms.

Lee wanders over "I'll dance with you, Sayuri-san!" He says.

Sakura says "Ok, Rock-san! Oh wait..."(looks at Sasuke)

Sasuke shakes his head "No way, pinky. We're going home before one of the jonin find out what's going on-"

"WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?!?!?!?!?" Tsunade's voice is loud and shrieky.

The room gets quiet, except for some random people in the background.

Sasuke's voice is heard, "Fuck."

The camera stops filming.


	13. Number 77

XTheCherryOnTopX does not own Naruto or Jackass.

The picture starts with Sasuke. He looks very tired, like he's in a hangover. He is in the Hokage's office, along with the rest of Konoha 13.

They are all sitting on chairs. Sasuke turns to the camera.

"Hi guys. Im Sasuke." He says in a tired voice. He then takes the camera from Naruto.

Naruto comes into view, and he looks even worse than Sasuke. His hair is a mess and he looks like he didn't sleep at all last night.

"Im Naruto...I think. This is Sasuto Production numberrrrr...what number is this, Sasuke." It comes more like a statement then a question.

"77. Mannn, my head's gonna exlpode. Godammit." Sasuke says in a tired voice.

"Yeah, man. Yesterday was really something."

"It sure was..." Sasuke turns the camera so the rest of Konoha 13 can be seen. Sakura is sitting next to him. Her pink hair is a mess and she looks sick. Next to her is Ino, who has a scar on her face. Shikamaru is asleep, and Chouji-for once- isn't eating. Lee looks dead, flopped in his chair. Neji sits like a statue in his seat, looking normal, but the rings under his eyes speak for themselves. Tenten's hair is pulled back in a single bun, and she's curled up in her chair. Across from them, Kiba is also asleep, slumped in his chair. Hinata is staring at the back of Kiba's seat, and she looks wired. The only ones who look normal are Shino and Sai.

The camera finally turns back to Naruto. He glances at the camera.

"So camera....you remember yesterday? That big party...someone spiked the punch....the sand siblings popped in...."

Sasuke's voice is heard "Tsunade found out about it. Remember, yesterday's production ended suddenly when she came. She's so pissed, so she called us all to her office specifically to yell at us. She's gonna blow, especially when she sees how we all look. Dude, I seriously think Sai spiked the punch. Just look at him."

The camera zooms in on Sai. He notices, and gives the camera a happy smile.

"Bastard." Sasuke says, zooming the camera back.

Shizune comes in. She has a sad face on.

Then, Tsunade comes in. Sasuke immediatly puts the camera down, so the whole time, all you can see is Lee's feet. However, everyone's voices can be heard.

"Is everyone here? All of Konoha 13?" Tsunade says softly.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama." Shizune's voice is heard.

Tsunade takes a deep breath. Every cringes, and gets ready....

"DESPICABLE!" Tsunade screams. Everyone recoils, like kicked puppies.

"YOUR BEHAVIOR AT THE DANCE WE HELD LAST NIGHT WAS ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS! WHAT IF WE HELD OUR DANCE WITH ANOTHER VILLAGE?! YOU WOULD HAVE RUINED THE REPUTATION OF KONOHAGAKURE WITH YOUR BEHAVIOR! ALL OF YOU!"

Several groans and mumbles are heard.

"Thank god she doesn't know about the sand siblings." Sasuke mutters.

Naruto's voice is then heard "Tsunade-baa-chan, we weren't the only ones there! There were lots of other people too!"

"SHUT UP!!! YOU 13 ARE LOOKED UP TO BY EVERYONE IN THIS VILLAGE!! YOU CARRY THE NAME OF KONOHAGAKURE 13!!! ITS NOT A JOKE!!!"

"So...loud..." Kiba's voice is heard whimpering.

"DO YOU HEAR WHAT I AM SAYING?! YOUR BEHAVIOR LAST NIGHT WAS HORRIBLE!"

"Could she just be quiet?" Neji mumbles.

"AND DO NOT ANY OF YOU THINK THAT YOU WILL BE GETTING AWAY WITH YOUR ACTIONS!"

Suddenly, Lee's foot moves back and slams into the camera, and it stops filming.

The camera starts with Sasuke. He is standing in front of a very tall building. He grins at the camera.

"Yo! Im Uchiha Sasuke. This is Sasuto Production number 77. I know we said that earlier, but it didn't feel right."

Sasuke then points the camera upwards so the roof of the tall building can be seen. Naruto is seen standing on the roof, along with an old bicycle. He is waving.

"HI CAMERA!!! IM UZUMAKI NARUTO!!!!"

Sasuke's voice is heard "Today, we're having our own version of Jackass. Right now, Naruto's gonna ride down the roof of the Hokage's office on that bicycle with his hands tied. Also. the bike has no brakes. As he's falling, he's going to use chakra adhesion to stick to the side of the building, like Spider Man! And the bike will be totalled. Then, Naruto will land in that chair.(points at chair a few feet away) Are you ready?"

"Got my helmet. I got my hands tied to my back. (turns back to Sasuke) I'm ready!"

Sakura, Tenten, Hinata and Ino comes outside.

Sakura orders,"Get off the roof!"

Sasuke says,"Grreeeat, we got an audience. Put on a good show, Naruto."

"Hell yeah!" Naruto throws up his arms.

Ino says,"He's gonna kill himself! There's no chance he'll land sitting in that chair."

Hinata whimpers,"I can't watch."

Naruto gets on the bike and kicks off the ground. He starts to roll down the roof, but he's going off direction.

Sasuke yells,"Naruto, steer to the right. You're gonna miss it."

Naruto screams back,"I can't!"

"Naruto, steer!"

"Aaaaahh!"

Naruto gets to the end of the roof and falls. The group at the bottom can only watch as he lands on the ground with the bike on top of him. He starts yelling insanely.

"OH FUCK! IT HURTS!! AAAH!!!" (this goes on)

Everyone gathers around Naruto.

Sasuke mumbles,"Oh shit. That doesn't look good, with all the screaming. And with Tenten yelling at me. And Sakura running inside to call for help."

He goes over "Dude, you ok?"

"AHHHHHH!"

"Calm down, dude."

"And you're calm about this because..?" Ino says.

"Because I don't like your face. Shut up before I break it. (to Naruto) You're gonna be okay."

"AAAAAH!"

The camera cuts to Naruto. He is sitting in his bed, looking tired and groggy.

"Hey, dude." Sasuke sits on the edge of the bed.

"Hey."

"How do you feel?"

"Ok. Like crap."

"You look like crap."

"Thanks, Sasuke."

"No prob. What did Tsunade say?"

"I broke my arm and I have a fracture in my leg."

"Damn...so what's it like to break a bone? I never have, 'cause Im so elite, but since you...."

"Fuck you. Well, it's kinda like breaking a chalk stick in half."

"Oh...well, I've never been a chalk stick, I dunno what it feels like. Maybe I should try it.."

"Haha."

Naruto turns to Sasuke "Today sucks. We have to clean the academy for a month, thanks to yesterday, and I broke my arm. And today's production turned into a watch-Naruto-complain-about-life production."

"It's ok."

"Hey dude, get me out of here."

"How?"

Naruto points "Wheelchair."

Sasuke grabs a wheelchair and helps Naruto into it. He wheels him down the hall of the hospital. They reach the end.

"Elevator or stairs?" Sasuke asks.

Naruto gets an evil face. "Are you thinking what im thinking?"

Sasuke grins. "Are you thinking of using the elevator?"

Naruto whines "Dude, c'mon!"

"You already broke your arm, Naruto. Wait..don't tell me you lost whatever brains you had left, too?"

"Fuck you. Man, this sucks."

"I know." Sasuke turns and presses a button for an elevator.

Suddenly, Naruto screams "BANZAI!!!!!" and there is a loud crash behind Sasuke.

Sasuke runs over to the edge of the staircase. "Dude, what the hell?!" he yells.

Naruto is lying at the bottom of the staircase, with the wheelchair on top of him. He doesn't move.

The camera cuts to Naruto, again. He is sitting on his bed, again. He has a really pissed face on.

Sasuke says "You dumbass. I can't believe you did that."

Naruto shrugs. "I hate feeling unaccomplished."

"I mean, you actually went so far as to wheel yourself down the staircase. And you knew you wouldn't make it, but you did it anyways.

"Basically, yes."

Sasuke turns to the camera. "Im Uchiha Sasuke. Today sucks, doesn't it?"

Naruto says. "It so does. Im Uzumaki Naruto. You can call me cripple."

"This is the end of Sasuto Production number 77."

"Ciao, dudes!"


	14. Number 83

The camera starts with Sasuke, who is seen running around his new sword, hugging and kissing it occasionally and telling it how nice it looks. Finally, he lies down on his back and pulls the weapon on top of him.

"I just wanna lie here, forever," Sasuke sighs.

"Are you finished proclaiming your everlasting love to your sword?" Naruto asks dully.

"Yeah, yeah." Sasuke sits up and sits facing the camera but staring at the weapon. "Don't get all whiny-ass bitch on me. Hi, I'd like to call this Sasuto Production number 83." Sasuke runs his hands across the flat side of the katana. "I'm Sasuke with my sexy new sword, Sword."

Naruto, not even looking towards the camera, answers, "I'm a very angry Naruto watching someone FLIRT with a weapon."

"Im only gonna say this once, Naruters. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Ok?" Sasuke doesn't even bother to look up from his katana.

Naruto imitates Sasuke "Wauuughh~! Im Sasuke! What should I wear today? Ooh, I love my sword! We're gonna get married and have little knife- babies one day!" holding the edge of his shirt, Naruto twirls like a ballerina.

"Its nice to see you expressing your true gay self, dobe. (looks at sword) Don't worry, Sword. I'll protect you from that stupid dipshit." Sasuke says as he runs his hand over the Sword's blade, softly.

"Tell us about the Sword."

"This is a beautiful, pitch-black colored sword, and its all fucking mine!" Sasuke yells with his hands in the air.

"Where'd you get it?"

Sasuke sighs dramatically and says "I bought it. I was walking down some random part of the village, and I saw it in a window display. It was calling out to me, honest. I just couldn't walk away. 'Cause after loving him, I can never be the same."

"Isn't that from a song? Well, you sound like Ino talking about her latest pair of shoes."

"Fuck you, dobe. Don't be jealous 'cause Sword is mine and not yours."

"Im not jealous.(rolls eyes) So, was the sword expensive?"

"No." is Sasuke's confident answer.

"How much was it?"

"1,000." Sasuke says with a shrug.

"WHAT?!? YOU PAYED A THOUSAND FOR THAT??!?" (points at sword dramatically)

Sasuke has a confused face "Yeah...you make it sound like it wasn't worth it."

"Sasuke, you wasted your money on that? Are you serious??"

"Yes, I am fucking serious. And, we've already done stuff together!" Sasuke glomps his sword.

Naruto says "Um..what kinda 'stuff'?"

Sasuke says excitedly "I've sang to him and we've gone out for ice cream and watched the Chuunin Exams together, plus a lot of other stuff!"

Naruto says "Damn Sasuke, you're insane, aren't you? You need an asylum, pronto. It's just a sword-"

Sasuke says indigantly "He's not an 'it'. He's a sword with feelings and dreams! Apologize!"

"Im not apologizing to a weapon-"

"ARGHH!!" Sasuke lunges himself at Naruto. The camera drops, so all you can see is the carpet. However, Sasuke's yells and Naruto's screams can be heard.

"DUDE, LEMME GO!!!"

"APOLOGIZE!!!"

"NO!!! LET GO!!!"

"APOLOGIZE!"

Naruto sighs, and the camera shakes as he picks up the camera and puts it on its stand. Then, Naruto comes into the camera's view. He gets on his knees so he is eye- level with…him.

"Im sorry."

Sasuke spits "Im sorry, what?"

"Im sorry, Sword."

"Sword what?"

Naruto inhales angrily. "Im sorry, Sword-sama."

Sasuke spits "Damn right."

Naruto suddenly perks up "Hey dude, let's take it- I mean, him- out for a spin."

Sasuke grins evilly. He picks up his sword and whispers "It is time."

The camera cuts to Sasuke. His sword is strapped to his back. He is wearing a blond curly wig that goes to his shoulder and a bright yellow shirt with blue pants. He grins at the camera.

"Here we are, at Neji's house." The familiar 2 story house comes into view. Naruto laughs softly.

"This brings back memories. Remember the last time we trashed his place?"

"Fuck yeah, dude. We had him sobbing like a little girl." Sasuke chuckles.

"Well then, let's do some damage, man." Naruto says confidently.

Naruto is seen, wearing black overalls with a green shirt underneath. The lines on his face are covered with foundation and he is wearing a black wig so his hair is similar to Hinata's. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pair of black sunglasses, which he puts on. Sasuke stares at him.

"Dude, what the fuck?"

Naruto says "Oh, Im borrowing these from Shino. They look really good on me. Or, that's what Shino told me, since he's so hip and everything."

"Since when was Shino hip?"

"How can you wear sunglasses like that and not be hip?" Naruto questions.

Sasuke shrugs "Whatever, man.(to camera) We're gonna pretend to be salespeople looking for people willing to give donations to the SOS foundation- that's short for Save Our Swords."

They both go to the front door and Naruto knocks. Neji opens the door.

"Hello my good sir, and how are you?! My name's Steve!" Sasuke shakes Neji's hand rapidly.

Neji says, annoyed "Can I help you?"

Sasuke, still shaking Neji's hand, says "You sure _can_ help us!"

Naruto says "My name is Hugo. We would like to know if you would like to make a donation."

Neji says, boredly "Donation for what?"

Sasuke pulls out his sword and points it straight at Neji. "The SOS foundation."

Neji says angrily "Hey, watch where your pointing that thing!"

Sasuke gets mad "ITS NOT A THING, GODAMMIT! HE'S A SWORD WITH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS! APOLOGIZE!"

"What?" Neji has no time to react as Sasuke pummels him. Naruto laughs hysterically as Sasuke punches Neji several times in the face. Neji wrestles with him on the floor, trying to get him off. Finally, Sasuke gets off of him and stands.

"CONSIDER YOURSELF GUILTY FOR NOT PROVIDING SHELTER FOR A POOR, HOMELESS SWORD!!" Sasuke shrieks, and Neji slams the door in his face.

"What the hell, man." Sasuke says angrily.

They walk around the village until they find a more appropriate street. They both go up to a random house and knock on the door. Sasuke positions his sword so its pointing directly at the door. When the woman living there opens the door, she gives out a loud high-pitched shout, yells, "OH MY GOD!" and screams one more time before slamming the door shut.

Naruto pouts, "I didn't even get to say hello."

"Moving on."

They go to five more houses and get the same reaction every time."This is fucking ridiculous," Sasuke complains. "It's like they've never seen a sword before."

Naruto adds, "Or like no one's ever held a sword toward them before. Screw this shit, let's go home."

The camera cuts to Sasuke. He is sitting on his bed with a phone in his hand. Naruto plops down next to him and grins at the camera.

"Hey guys! Since door to door selling didn't work, we've decided to call people and ask them if they would like to join SOS- Save Our Swords!"

Sasuke says "Shh. Im calling.(puts phone on loudspeaker)

Naruto says "Lemme go first!"

Sasuke nods.

A man answers the phone "Hello?"

Naruto says, "Good afternoon, sir, my name is Hugo, I'm calling from the Save Our Swords Foundation. I'd like to know if you can make a donation." He presses the mute button and he and Sasuke burst out laughing.

Over their laughter, the man's answer can barely be heard. "The what? Swords? Can you, umm, explain what your foundation does?"

Naruto turns off the mute and chirps, "Certainly. Basically, you give us your money, or all the swords in the world die. The SOS will use your donation to keep the swords in a safe place to keep them away from Tenten and potential weapon killers."

"Uh huh…I don't think so. Try someone else."

"Sir, if you don't care about the swords, then who will?"

"Listen, Hugo- was that your name? Swords are inatimate objects. They're not living creatures."

"For your information, sir, just last year the Save Our Swords Foundation saved over one thousand five hundred seventy Bottlenose swords, two hudred five- "

"I've never heard of a bottlenose sword."

"Bottlenose, sir. It's a 30 inch long, thin bladed sword with a round shaped tip, representing a bottle. If you visit our site, you can actually view all of them, and adopt one. By doing that, you are promising to send 70% of your monthly salary to us to care for the sword of your choice."

"This the most ridiculous scam for money I've ever heard."

"Ridiculous?...I would say original."

"I don't know who you think you're gonna fool, but you're a moron to even think this up. Swords don't need donations."

"THAT'S YOUR FAULT! YOU WAITED TOO LONG TO MAKE A DONATION! CONSIDER YOURSELF GUILTY OF LETTING ANOTHER SPECIES DIE!" Naruto hangs up and he and Sasuke burst out laughing.

"Ok, ok. My turn." Sasuke dials the phone.

"Hello?" Ino's voice is heard.

Sasuke says, changing his voice slightly so he doesn't sound like himself "Good day, miss. My name is Steve. I was wondering if you would like to make a donation to the SOS foundation."

Ino answers "What exactly does the SOS foundation do?"

Sasuke says "We use donated money to help dying species of sword."

"Of what?"

"Swords, miss."

"Species of...swords?" Ino's voice is unsure.

Sasuke says "Yes, miss. We are a foundation dedicated to saving the swords. The enviroment has been polluted and the swords are dying. However, we can't do it alone and we need help. Meaning, donations."

Ino says "Umm, No thank you."

Sasuke says "YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU THINK ITS OK TO JUST DO WHATEVER YOU WANT??? NO! ITS NOT OK! AS PEOPLE, WE'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WELL BEING OF ORGANISMS AROUND US! IF WE DON'T TAKE CARE OF THEM, WHO WILL, GODAMMIT!"

The line goes dead.

Sasuke is yelling at the phone and throws it at the wall and punches it at it after throwing down.

"Dude, he has serious issues. Sasuke, ever think about anger management!?" suggests Naruto.

Sasuke looks up at the roof and sighs. "No one's giving us donations. What do we do?"

Naruto gets an evil face. "I have an idea!"

The camera cuts to Naruto. He is sitting outside the Hokage building. His clothes are old and tattered, and he is wearing his black wig from before. He sits inside a large cardboard box, holding out an empty can.

Sasuke's voice is heard "Naruto's pretending to be a hobo. Hopefully, some poor sucker will feel pity and give him money. I've got my forehead protector/tiny camera on, so no one will know im filming."

Just then, Sakura is seen walking past. Sasuke runs to her.

"Sakura!"

She turns. "Oh hi Sasuke -kun. Are you going to see Tsunade-sama too?"

Sasuke says "Uhh, yeah."

They both walk past Naruto, who looks up at them and shakes his can.

Sakura whispers "That poor guy."

Sasuke whipers back "I wish I could give him money, but I don't have any."

Sakura says "I do..." she goes over and hands Naruto some folded bills.

Naruto says "Oh, sweet child! Kami bless! Kami bless!" (shakes Sakura's hand)

Sakura backs away, slowly "Umm, you're welcome."

Naruto continues "Oh, kami bless, young miss! Kami bless!"

Sakura runs past Sasuke, inside the building. Sasuke laughs hysterically, giving Naruto a thumbs up before following Sakura inside.

The camera cuts to Kiba and Shino. They are walking to the Hokage's office building.

As they walk past, pointedly ignoring the supposed hobo, Naruto shakes his can at them. Shino puts in some money and goes inside. Kiba says "Sorry dude. Im broke."

Naruto gets an angry face and stands up "FINE, THEN! DON'T HELP A POOR HOBO IN NEED!" and he pummels Kiba with his dirty laundry.

Kiba holds his hands in front of his face "HEY MAN! STOP!"

Naruto screams "STUPID MOTHERFUCKING RICH PEOPLE! YOU FIRED ME FROM MY JOB AS A JANITOR AND NOW I HAVE NO PLACE TO GO!"

Suddenly, Lee appears. "You poor fellow! Your youth has been depleted! Such evil cannot be left to stand on its own!" Lee reaches into his pocket and pulls out spandex.

"FOR YOU!"

Naruto gets teary eyed "For..for me?! OH, KAMI BLESS, MY GOOD CHILD! KAMI BLESS!"

The camera cuts to Naruto. He is sitting on Sasuke's bed, in an orange t shirt and white shorts. He grins at the camera.

"Im Uzumaki Naruto, Hugo, and a hobo! I made 21 bucks!" (waves money)

Sasuke appears with a plate of sandwhiches "Dude, we are wrong on so many levels."

Naruto sighs softly "I know. I know."

Sasuke says "Im Uchiha Sasuke. Im also Steve. This was Sasuto Production number 83." (bites sandwhich)

Naruto grabs the other sandwhich "That's all, folks!"


	15. Number 93

The camera starts with Naruto. He is sitting in his room, and there are textbooks all around him. He has his familiar thinking cap on and he's slumped against the wall, mouth hanging open as he snores.

"Naruto, you piece of ass, wake up!" Sasuke's voice is heard. He then comes into view and shakes Naruto violently. Naruto wakes up.

"Huh....mfwa??" Naruto looks around confused and sleepy. Sasuke sighs and looks at the camera.

"Hey, camera. Long time no see..not really.(looks at Naruto) Dobe, wake the fuck up!"

Naruto says tiredly "Im Uzumaki Naruto, no duh." (flops back down)

Sasuke stares at him "Im gonna say it one time, dobe. Get. The. Fuck. Up. Now, before I force you."

Naruto scoffs "I'd like to see you try, teme!"

Sasuke stares at him for a moment, looks at the camera, then lunges at Naruto. He grabs Naruto by his hair. Naruto screams, really really loud.

"WHEN I SAY UP, I MEAN UP!!!" Sasuke yells.

Naruto has his hands clamped on his head, and is whimpering.

Sasuke turns back to the camera "Well, Im Sasuke Uchiha! This is Sasuto Production #93!"

Naruto says "Im Naruto Uzumaki. Im also dying."

Sasuke flops on the bed and grabs a textbook "Don't fall asleep again, dobe. Do you wanna stay a goddamn genin forever?"

Naruto says "I just can't do this! I wasn't made for studying!"

Sasuke throws a book at him.

Naruto says "Sasuke and I are studying for the Chunin exam finals, camera. Since I've missed it every year, and Sasuke was busy trekking with The Pedophile-"

"Don't start with me, dobe."

"Kay, sheesh. Point is, we both are still the ONLY genin left. Everyone's already jonin and chunin."

Sasuke says "Im an Uchiha, for god's sake. I can't stay a goddamn genin! It's degrading!"

Naruto continues "So, here we are, studying. This is all complete shit. I mean-(opens random textbook) look what its asking me! (reads)_ 'Make sure you have the onigiri prepared for the side dish. Next, dango. Starting with 1 cup of sugar and melted-_ I mean, what is this? How are we supposed to figure this out?"

Sasuke reaches over "That's not our textbook, moron. That's a cookbook...where the fuck did it come from?"

"Dude, I don't know.."

The room goes quiet as Sasuke and Naruto read into textbooks. Then, Naruto grabs an older looking one and cracks it open. His expression goes from dull to shock.

"EW!!" he screams, and hurdles the book across the room. Sasuke looks up.

"Are you going to have random outbursts every 10 seconds, dobe? 'Cause unlike you, I actually want to pass this exam." Sasuke says crossly.

Naruto points a shaky finger at the book, which is lying on the ground "That book! Its not our textbook either!"

Sasuke glances at it "Then what is it?"

"I think its from Kakashi sensei's porno pile!"

Sasuke rolls his eyes and goes over and picks up the book. He opens it and reads. Sasuke's face goes from his normal color, slowly to red. He goes over, throws the book in the trash, and returns to his textbook, one hand covering his face.

Naruto looks at him "Hey Sasuke, are you ok?"

Sasuke shakes his head. The camera cuts.

The camera cuts to Sasuke. He is sitting on a seat in a large classroom. Many other kids surround him. He grins.

"Yo! Im here to take the written exam! We can't have cameras on, but Naruto's gonna be wearing his forehead protector/tiny camera, so he will be filming. Thing is...(looks around) that loser's not here yet. He better not be late, or im gonna-"

"THE HORRORS!!" Naruto screams, bursting into the classroom, still in his pajamas and his hair messed up, "THE DAMN HORRORS OF THE DAMN FINALS! EVERYONE SCREAM!"

All of the genin in the room minus Sasuke burst out screaming.

Naruto jumps onto the table near Sasuke "WHO ARE WE?"

"CHUNIN EXAM TAKERS!"

"WHAT DO WE HATE?"

"FINALS!"

The camera stops filming as Anko comes into the room, Sasuke tucks the camera safely away, and Naruto puts on his forehead protecter/tiny camera.

The camera starts again with Anko looking around the room. "Alright, maggots-" she pauses and stares at Naruto, who can't be seen because he's wearing the camera, but can be heard.

"UZUMAKI NARUTO!"

Naruto says tiredly "What?"

"WHY ARE YOU IN YOUR PAJAMAS?"

"Umm....I like to express myself?" Naruto says. Sasuke smirks at him.

Anko rolls her eyes. "Whatever. ALL OF YOU SHUT UP NOW AS I PASS OUT THE EXAM. NO ONE START UNTIL I SAY SO. IF I SEE YOU CHEAT...WELL, LET'S NOT GO THERE." She passes the papers around.

Naruto gets his paper and stares at it. Anko's voice is heard "ALRIGHT. WRITE YOUR NAME. DON'T START UNTIL I SAY SO.(looks at watch) ALRIGHT, BEGIN."

"Okay! Two, three....six....! Two plus six equals eight!" Naruto whispers to himself, filling in a bubble, "I must be smarter then that Sasuke-teme!"

"Now then, number two! Easy peasy~!...."

The camera now points downward at the paper, which says "31x-2+14y."

"NO, NOT VARIABLES!" Naruto screams, out loud.

"UZUMAKI! SHUT UP! DO YOU WANNA BE DISQUALIFIED?!?" Anko shrieks.

Naruto yells back "NO! IM SORRY!"

....2 hours of pointless filming later.....

'ALRIGHT MAGGOTS, PASS YOUR PAPERS FORWARD!" Anko yells.

Naruto squeaks. "Please please please don't fail me!" he murmers as he passes his paper forward and everyone files out of the classroom. In the hallway, he spots Sasuke.

"TEME!" he flies towards him.

"Hey dobe. How was it?" Sasuke has his hands in his pockets, bored.

"Awful. I fucking hate goddamn exams." Naruto sulks. Sasuke shrugs.

"It wasn't so bad."

A random kid from the hidden grass points at Sasuke "HAHA! HIS HAIR IS LIKE A CHICKEN BUTT!"

Sasuke stares at the kid for a moment. Then, his sharingan turns on. "YOU WANNA GO, BITCH?!?" Sasuke screams. The kid grins. "Bring it, chicken butt!"

Naruto says "That fucking idiot grass kid. He doesn't know what he's getting himself into." he then turns the camera to tape Sasuke beating the daylights out of the kid.

The kid's two teammates try to get Sasuke off of the kid. "Hey stop it!"

Sasuke lets go of the kid, but not before shoving him down once more "Im Uchiha Sasuke, the one and only. Never forget it, bitch." he spits at the kid.

One of the grass kid's friends gasps. "OH EM JEE, YOU'RE SASUKE UCHIHA?!?"

Sasuke says "No really, shit for brains. I think I just stated that."

"OH EM JEE, IM YOUR BIGGEST FAN! OH EM JEE! CAN I HANG OUT WITH YOU? CAN WE BE BFFS FOREVER? WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? MINE'S BLUE. HOW DID YOU KILL YOUR BROTHER? I HEARD IT WAS REALLY AWESOME! WELL, OF COURSE IT HAD TO BE, AFTER ALL IT WAS NONE OTHER THAN UCHIHA SASUKE WHO DID IT! DO YOU LIKE PIE? I DO! MY FAVORITE IS PECAN, BUT I-"

"I DON'T CARE, DUMBASS-FART!!!" Sasuke roars.

The camera cuts to Naruto. He is standing in Sasuke's kitchen, holding a bag of potato chips in his hand.

"Hey, teme!"

"Hm?" Sasuke turns around, leaning against the kitchen counter. "What?"

"Let's name potato chips!" Naruto opens the bag and puts it on the table.

"What?"

"As celebration for getting the exam over with!"

"Um, no. Go ask Chouji or something.."

"But he'll eat them! Do you want him to eat them?!"

"Yeah," Sasuke takes the bag and tosses a chip in his mouth. "Alot."

"Don't eat them! That one was Sakura!"

"…What the hell?"

"We're supposed to name them, smartass!"

"What's the point if you're going to eat them, fuckface?"

"The point of naming potato chips is to give them names, fuckbag."

Sasuke picks up a chip "Fine. This one is Hyuuga," puts it in his mouth and swallows it. "Now, he's gone."

Naruto takes the bag from him and says in a serious tone "Scatter." and dumps the bag of chips onto the counter, so the chips are scattered all over the counter.

Sasuke stares at him for a moment, then says "That was definitely _the worst _Byakuya Kuchiki imiation ive ever seen."

Naruto says "Sure, sure. Dude, we gotta name these!"

Sasuke starts pointing at chips "That one's bitch. This is asshole. This one is asswipe. This one is fuckface, and this is fuckbag-"

"Stop it, Sasuke! Don't give my chips vulgar names!"

Sasuke snickers "Sensitive, are we?"

Naruto gets mad "IM NOT SENSITIVE, YOU GAY PIECE OF ASS!"

This gets Sasuke mad "CALL ME GAY, YOU SHITWAD?!"

"DAMN RIGHT, FUCKFACE!"

Sasuke pounces on Naruto, who lands a punch on his right cheek. They fall down, and Naruto grabs Sasuke by his hair in order to get him off. They roll around like retards, screaming and cursing and kicking and punching.

Sasuke stands up first. Naruto stands up too.

"Truce?" Naruto hold out his hand. Sasuke nods.

"Truce. (turns to camera) Well, Im Sasuke, this was Sasuto number 93. That's my cue to exit, then."

Naruto frowns "What about me?"

"Yeah, what about you?"

"Fuck you."

"Fine, fine. Naruto was an excellent study partner. Here, have a sock." Sasuke throws a sock at Naruto.

Naruto says "I don't eat fucking socks. (to camera) Im Naruto. Have a nice day!"


	16. Number 95

XTheCherryOnTopX does not own Naruto, Michael Jordan, or Anger Management For Dummies.

The camera starts with Sasuke, who is yelling at a basketball hoop and kicks it after throwing down the basketball.

"Dude, he has serious issues. Sasuke, I'm getting you anger management for dummies for your birthday!" Naruto says.

Sasuke runs to the camera "Did you see what that hoop did?! I shot that mother-fucking ball at it and it should have gone in!!"

"But what happened?"

"It hit the fucking backboard. I'm gonna count it as a goal." Sasuke says calmly.

"Uh-huh. And how many goals have you scored that way, today?"

"Approxiamately 57%." Sasuke says in a serious tone.

Naruto turns to the camera "Im Naruto. Today, Sasuke and I are playing basketball."

Sasuke says "Im Sasuke. This is Sasuto Production number 95. What sucks is that we don't have enough players. So, we're gonna ask the girls to play."

Three minutes later...

"Neji, Kiba, we're challenging you to a basketball game! Dattebayo!" shouts Naruto.

"It sounds like fun." says Kiba.

"Yeah, fun if you wanna die today!" retorts Neji.

"Neji, I feel offended." complains Naruto.

"You offended my partner in crime!!" Sasuke punches Neji.

"What the fuck!"

"Deal with it, bitch." Sasuke brushes it off.

"Are we gonna play or not?" Naruto gets impatient.

"Yeah. Sure." Kiba says, pointing at the basketball hoop boldly.

"Don't we need some rules?" Neji says.

Naruto says quickly "The rules are simple. One score is 5 points for us. For you guys, its 2.5, half. Whichever team scores 20 points first wins. Every point you guys score is half. That half goes to us automatically-"

Neji says "Wait, what?!"

"Naruto and I already made up the rules, that's how it is. Stop being a pansy." Sasuke spits.

Naruto continues "It's ok for us to not dribble the ball, and also, I can use kage-bunshin-"

"That's not fair." Neji interupts. Sasuke gets pissy.

"We don't care what is and isn't fair, ok slutface?! Shut the fuck up and listen to the damn rules!"

Naruto continues "Moving on...Tackling Neji at any and all times is allowed-"

Neji growls "Fuck you."

Sasuke says "Your mom."

"Can we start?"

"Maybe if I stay in the back, Sasuke won't bother me." hopes Neji.

Sasuke snickers "You wish, pretty boy."

"Who's the referee?" asks Kiba.

"Naruto's clone! Isn't this a great game?!"

Naruto uses Kage-bunshin, so there are 4 Narutos running around the court, and one on the side as Ref.

Kiba says "Neji, we're destined to lose."

"Yeah, I figured as much."

"I'm going to ignore that. Face-off!" yells Sasuke.

He and Neji take their place in the middle for the face-off.

"This is gonna be sweet!" remarks Naruto.

"Neji, I'm gonna make you wish you never screwed around with Naruto."

"Naruto? Why him?"

"Cuz by screwing around with him, you met me."

"Right."

"Start!"

Sasuke throws up the ball, and slams his fist in Neji's face. Neji falls, and Sasuke takes a quick look at him before throwing the ball to Naruto. Naruto passes his clone to Naruto clone 2, as Naruto clone 3 distracts Kiba. Naruto clone 2 shoots and scores.

"Yes! Five points to nothing!" Sasuke celebrates.

"Fuck. You." growls Neji before getting punched and knocked over.

"You just don't learn, do you!?" remarks Naruto.

"You can't learn anything from you!"(gets punched)

"Sasuke!" Naruto clone 2 passes the ball to Naruto clone 1. "Pay attention!"

Sasuke snaps "Shut up, dobe clone! Im the one taking on slutface!"

Naruto clone 1 tries to pass the ball to Sasuke, but Neji jumps in front of him and gets the ball. He runs, and as he passes it to Kiba, Sasuke grabs his hair and pulls. Neji howls and drops the ball, and Sasuke shoves him on the ground and runs past him to help Naruto clone 1 with Kiba while Naruto gets the ball.

Naruto shoots and scores. As soon as the ball goes through the hoop, he shoots it back up the hoop.

"TEN POINTS!!!!" Naruto yells.

Kiba yells back "That doesn't count! You shot the ball back up the hoop!"

"SHUT YOUR FACE!!!!!!! IF I RECALL, NARUTO'S CLONE IS THE REF!!!" Sasuke yells.

The Naruto clone/referee grins "It counts! 15-0!"

"Hell yeah!" Naruto throws up his arms.

Just then, since no one is paying attention, Sasuke grabs the ball and uses chakra adhesion to stick to the basketball hoop. Kiba and Neji watch helplessly as Sasuke walks up the basketball hoop and drops the ball in it.

Naruto yells "WOOHOO WE WIN!!!! 20-NOTHING, BITCHES!!!!!!"

Neji growls "No. Fucking. Shit."

Sasuke sighs, and places a hand over his face.

Kiba says "You guys didn't even play fair! I want a rematch."

Naruto says "Rematches are for sissys. Right, Sasuke?"

Just then, Sasuke walks up to Neji and bitch-slaps him.

Neji hols his pinkish face "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!?"

Sasuke says calmly "For being you."

Neji lunges at Sasuke, tackling him. Sasuke yells, and the two get into a big fist fight.

Naruto runs over to the camera, and takes it off his stand. He circles around Sasuke and Neji, taping the fight.

The camera cuts to Sasuke. He is sitting in a library, and there are some books on the table he is sitting at. He waves at the camera.

"Yo. Naruto's got the camera. We're in the library right now, 'cause I feel like it."

Naruto's voice is heard "Ugh. How can you stand this place? It's so freaking stuffy."

Sasuke says "Unlike you, I do other things then eat ramen and train, dobe."

Naruto snorts. Sasuke holds up a book. "Dude, this book is about this really cool basketball player names Michael Jordan."

Naruto exclaims "Oh, yeah! I read about him! He's the greatest japanese basketball player of all time!"

Sasuke stares at him "Fucktard, Michael Jordan is american."

Naruto says "No, I'm pretty sure he's japanese."

Sasuke retorts "Where did you learn that, dobe?"

Naruto gets a proud face "Erosennin. Im sure he's proud of me...(looks up at roof)..wherever he is."

Sasuke says sadly "Naruto.....I just can't say it. There are no words to describe your idiocy. I mean, you're so dumb, I could just cry."

Naruto retorts "You know, they say dumb people have the most fun."

"Isn't it "blonds have the most fun"?"

"Well, im a blond, so there!" Naruto throws a book a Sasuke's head. It hits him and with a clunk and falls on the table.

Sasuke grabs a dictionary and flings it at Naruto. It hits Naruto in the head with a crack and Naruto falls over, slamming his head on the table before falling onto the floor unconcious.

The camera cuts to Naruto. He is sitting in the doctor's office. There is blood trickling from a gash on his forehead.

"Thanks alot, Sasuke." Naruto says dully.

Sasuke snorts "You threw the first book. What goes around comes around."

"Shut your face."

Sakura comes in "Hey Naruto, I had a feeling I'd see you in the hospital today. (goes over to him) Hold still, and I'll fix up that gash, ok?"

"Are you sure, pinky?" Sasuke says.

"Of course, I'm an expert at medical treatment… er… you do this hand signal, then this one… and then I think…"

"Sakura, don't fuck up a jutsu."

"Hey, I know what I'm doing!"

"Sure. You might end up attaching his arm to his head. Naruto's already ugly, no need to make it worse."

"Shut up, teme! Sakura-chan would never do that...right, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asks nervously.

Sakura chirps brightly "Right! Ok, then, Naruto, let's fix that gash!"

Sasuke says "Hold on.(turns to the camera) Im Sasuke Uchiha."

Naruto says "You're ending it now?"

Sasuke replies "Yep. I'd rather not waste filming time on taping Sakura heal."

Sakura says indigantly "Why, are my techniques not good enough to be on camera? You tape yourselves doing stupid things like riding off roofs on bicycles with no brakes, not to mention his hands were tied behind his back, and..." She goes on like this.

Naruto says "Im Naruto Uzumaki. We'll see you soon, camera. Don't miss me too much."

Sasuke says "Yeah, 'cause the camera's fucking crying on hearing you leave."

Naruto says "Shut up, teme!"

Sakura yells "Hey, are you guys listening to me?!"

Sasuke says calmly "No, pinky. Does it look like we're listening to you? Cause we're not."


	17. Number 96

XTheCherryOnTopX does not own Naruto or Natasha Bedingfield.

The camera starts with a tree. The camera is tilted upwards so a treehouse can be seen, Sasuke is standing in the treehouse, wearing a paper hat made from newspaper.

Naruto's voice is heard "Sasuke, let down the rope."

Sasuke looks at him "Say the password."

Naruto says "No. Just give me the rope."

Sasuke yells "How do I know you're the real Naruto? You could be someone in disguise."

Naruto yells back "Im the real Naruto! Let down the rope."

Sasuke says "No. Im not gonna until you say the password."

Naruto yells "Sasuke you fuckbag, let down the rope!"

Sasuke folds him arms across his chest "An insult! Well, you can just stay down there forever, mr. stinker."

Naruto sighs angrily and begins "Sasuke is epic, he needs no pity, with talent, good looks and high dignity. He is on fire, his tone cuts like ice, his favorite food is stewed tomatoes with rice. Uchiha Sasuke- he's more then good, he's gre-aa-t!"

Sasuke lets down the ladder.

The camera cuts to Naruto and Sasuke, still in the treehouse, which is more like a large room.

Sasuke says "Sup birds! This is Sasuto Production number 96. Im Saucy!"

Naruto says "Im Naruters. Here we are, in Sasuke's old treehouse. We are here because we need to get away from all those losers we call our friends."

Sasuke says "Today, Naruto and I are preparing for our band's first appearance. We are called "Your Mom."

Naruto laughs "That way, whenever we introduce ourselves, we can say "Hey! We're Your Mom!"

Sasuke says "Naruto and I have been practicing all week for this. We're gonna perform in front of everyone today."

Naruto says "We even got t shirts and spray painted our band names on them!"

The camera cuts to Naruto. He is standing in Neji's house, along with the rest of Konoha 13. He grins at the camera and then at the "audience".

Sasuke and Naruto are standing next to each other. Sasuke's shirt says 'your' and Naruto's shirt says 'mom'.

"Hey guys! Im Uzumaki Naruto, but in the band, I'm Naruters!"

Sasuke says "Im Uchiha Sasuke, aka Saucy, and we're 'Your Mom'!"

Kiba yells "What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

Sasuke yells back "Shut the fuck up and listen, smartass."

Naruto says "That's our band name- 'Your Mom'."

Sasuke yells "And today we're gonna sing!"

Naruto yells "Ar'ya ready?!"

Sasuke clicks a button on the radio. Music starts to play and Sasuke and Naruto sing-

_(Naruto)_

_Just like a shadow_

_Im right behind you_

_you cannot see me_

_but I really am there_

_I am blending in_

_just like a lizard_

_out in the amazon_

_(Sasuke)_

_what am I?_

_I carry lots of stuff, like kunai_

_I'll stab you if I can_

_And torch you to flames_

_hokage's got nothing on me_

_plus I can get paid_

_(Naruto)_

_Bet you wish you were a ninja_

_so you could cause some pain_

_before Orochimaru rapes ya_

_or summons fugly snakes_

_we like to wear bright colors_

_and have funky hair styles_

_we train like we have no lives_

_and can carry a billion knives_

_N-I-N-J-A_

_Yeahhh_

_N-I-N-J-A_

_fuuuuck_

_N-I-N-J-A_

_ohhh you wanna be_

_you wanna be_

_wanna be a ninja_

_(Sasuke)_

_just like your face_

_war is really ugly_

_and no one wants to deal with it if they can avoid it_

_the Hyuuga clan's insane_

_bet Hiashi beats kids with a cane_

_and calls the branch family his bitches_

_Uchiha clan's way awesomer_

_our hairstyles are more intricate_

_for example my chicken style_

_plus we are nonexistent_

_now what to do?_

_we have no missions, we should sue_

_the current hokage_

_she put us on probation_

_for trashing Neji's house even though he deserves it_

_ohhhh_

_(Naruto)_

_bet you wish you were a ninja_

_then you could cause some pain_

_laugh in the face of danger_

_then get pummeled anyway (Sasuke: just like Neji!)_

_Ohhh_

_wish you were a_

_N-I-N-J-A_

_yeahhh_

_N-I-N-J-A_

_ohhh fuck_

_N-I-N-J-A_

_oh I wanna be_

_I wanna be_

_wanna be a ninja_

(A/N- I wrote this song on my own, so NO stealing! If you want to borrow it, ASK. Thanks.)

Ino yells "You turned Natasha Bedingfield's A.N.G.E.L. into a song about ninjas?!"

Sasuke says "Yeah. So?"

Neji says "You guys need to get a life."

Sasuke gives him the finger.

Lee is jumping up and down "That was quite youthful!"

Sasuke's middles finger turns into a thumbs up.

Naruto walks around the room with the microphone "So, how did you like it?" he asks Sakura.

Sakura says "Umm...it was....very.....interesting."

Hinata says "It was very.....clever..."

Ino yells "I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU REMIXED SUCH A SWEET SONG INTO THAT CRAP!!!"

Sasuke adds "I personally went to the trouble and wrote a special little gig for Neji. Here goes!"

Sasuke begins to sing crappily (to the tune of Barney's "I Love You")-

_I hate him_

_he hates me_

_Naruto and I've decided to kill Neji_

_from Naruto, a rasengan,_

_from me, a chidori_

_let's go kill that fucking birdie_

As he finishes the last line, Sasuke walks up and punches Neji in the face.

Neji and Tenten both yell "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?"

Sasuke answers calmly "For being a bitch and not letting us trash your house. (to camera) I'm Uchiha Sasuke. I guess we need some practise before 'Your Mom' can go on tour."

Naruto says "Im Uzumaki Naruto. Dude, we're 4 productions away from our 100th!"

Sasuke says "Yeah. We're planning something big, so stay tuned."

Naruto says "Until then!"


	18. Number 97

The camera starts with Sakura. She is sitting at the kitchen table. A baby with black hair and red eyes sits in her lap. Sakura is giggling and cooing at the child.

Sasuke's voice is heard "Ugh. Disgusting. Kill it."

Sakura frowns at him "That's so mean, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke shrugs "I could care less, pinky."

Naruto interupts "I'm Uzumaki Naruto! This is Sasuto Production number 97. Today, team 7-minus Kakashi- is babysitting!"

Sasuke says "I'm the guy who bleeds black." He turns the camera back to Naruto, who says nothing. He takes the hint and says to the camera, "I'm Sasuke."

Naruto nods "Better."

Sasuke says "This is stupid. We're chunin, for god's sake. We should be out killing people and infiltrating secret bases, not babysitting some snot-nosed kid."

Sakura sighs "Get over it, Sasuke."

Sasuke throws up an arm "I'm an Uchiha! I shouldn't have to do crap like this! It's unworthy of my time!"

Naruto says "Since it's not just us, I guess we can let Sakura-chan introduce herself, right?"

Sasuke shrugs "Sure I guess. (to Sakura) Hey pinky, say hi to the camera."

Sakura smiles "Hi! Im Sakura Uchi-err, Haruno! And this (points at baby) is Aiko Yuhi-Sarutobi! Isn't she cute?"

Sasuke yawns "Team 8 had to leave on a sudden mission, so Kurenai left her daughter in our care."

Naruto laughs "That is the dumbest thing anyone has ever done. Left a baby in our care. Us, of all people!"

Sasuke grins "Isn't it?"

He and Naruto laugh insanely. Sakura covers the baby's eyes. "Don't worry Aiko, I'll protect you from those retards."

Later, Sakura is seen in the room where the crib and diaper changing station are set up. She lies Aiko down to change when Sasuke comes in and stands next to her. He stares intently at Aiko, with his Sharingan activated. Naruto tapes all of this from the bedroom door.

Sakura stares at him "Sasuke… what the hell are you doing?"

Sasuke says proudly "I'm learning how to change a diaper."

Sakura stares at him.

Sasuke deactivates his sharingan "What?"

Sakura smiles "I can't wait to see you have kids."

Sasuke snorts. "I don't want kids. I don't need any bratty, snot-nosed shorties running around my house screaming like retards."

Sakura pouts, and then puts Aiko in her crib.

The camera cuts to Naruto and Sasuke. They are playing DDR, which is on full volume. As soon as it starts, Sakura comes running.

Sakura hisses "Put the volume down!"

Sasuke yells "WHY?"

Sakura says "Because I just got Aiko to sleep, bastards! Volume down!"

Naruto says sarcastically "Yes, mom." and puts the volume down.

"No Naruto, if I was your mother, I would have fed you to the wolves long ago."

Sasuke says "No. It's your duty as Naruto's mother to love him forever."

Naruto holds out his arms "Momma!"

Sakura says "It's my duty to love him and put him up for adoption. I'm gonna go buy some stuff to make dinner, so you guys better be quiet until I get back." Sakura leaves and Naruto and Sasuke resume DDR.

A little while later, Aiko is heard screaming.

"Hey dude, the kid's crying." Naruto observes.

Sasuke waves a hand "If we ignore it, she'll eventually shut up."

The screaming continues for 10 minutes.

Naruto says "She's not shutting up."

Sasuke sighs "Let's go see." Sasuke and Naruto go down the hall to the room. Naruto is behind Sasuke with the camera.

Sasuke observes "That baby can scream like there's no fucking tomorrow."

They reach the room and go over to the crib. Aiko is seen screaming. Her face is red.

Sasuke pleads "Hey hey, Aiko shut the fuck up. Your uncles need to play DDR.(pause) Oh yeah, you don't speak our language…"

Aiko continues to scream.

Naruto's voice is frantic "Teme, do something!"

Sasuke says "What the hell am I supposed to do, dobe? Do I look like a fucking miracle worker?"

Naruto runs in circles "OMGOMGOMG! WHERE'S SAKURA-CHAN WHEN YOU NEED HER?"

Sasuke picks the baby out of her crib, holding her away from him as far as he can. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!" He yells, running around the room insanely.

Sakura suddenly comes into the room "What's going on?"

Sasuke yells "Sakura!" and shoves Aiko in her arms.

The camera cuts to Sasuke and Sakura. They are sitting in front of Aiko, who is sitting in a high chair.

Sakura chirps "Aiko, say auntie Sakura!"

Sasuke says "Fuck that, say Hn!"

"Sasuke don't fucking tell her to say Hn!"

"I'll tell her to say whatever the fuck I want!"

Naruto whispers "Awww, they're like a family. Sasuke's the dad, Sakura's the mom, and Aiko's the adopted baby no one wanted-"

"FUWCK!"

Everyone stares at Aiko.

"…"

"What?"

"FUWK!"

"Oh no..."

"Sasuke this is all your fault!" Sakura shrieks.

Sasuke laughs "Aww, it's just like me!"

Sakura puts Aiko down on the floor "Sasuke, this isn't a laughing matter!"

Sasuke yells back "What are we supposed to do, huh? Erase her memory magically? It's too late, she already knows the word!"

Naruto says "Umm, guys?"

Aiko runs, screaming "FUWCK FUWCK FUWCK" all around the house.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE BITCH!" Sasuke yells and runs after her.

"DON'T TEACH HER ANY MORE BAD WORDS, SASUKE!" Sakura screams, and runs after him.

Later, Sasuke is seen frowning, with Aiko standing on his lap pulling his hair.

Sasuke doesn't move, but continues to frown at the camera as Aiko yanks his hair.

Finally, after 10 minutes, he says "Im Uchiha Sasuke, and as you can see, I'm actively being abused. I should call child services."

Naruto's voice is heard "Child services aren't for you, Sasuke."

Sasuke says "Shut the fuck up. Where's pinky?"

Naruto says "I don't know."

Sakura appears, along with Kurenai "Aiko! Look, mommy's here!"

Kurenai takes the baby "Thanks so much for watching her. She wasn't any trouble, was she?"

Sasuke opens his mouth to say something, but Sakura shoves a piece of bread in it. "No! She was an angel!" Sakura laughs nervously.

Sasuke mutters "Where the hell did she get this piece of bread?"

Kurenai smiles. "Oh, good. Aiko, say thank you!"

Aiko says "FUWK!"

They all stare at the baby. Kurenai says "What, sweetie?"

"FUWK!"

Kurenai smiles "Fuck?(turns to Sakura)...WHO TAUGHT HER THAT?"

Sakura points Naruto, who goes "NU-UH!" and points at Sasuke, who says "Well, I'm so-rry if I tried to expand your daughter's vocabulary!"

Kurenai angrily slings Aiko's diaper bag over her shoulder and leaves. Naruto turns to the camera.

"That was really something."

Sasuke laughs "That was actually pretty fun. I think Aiko really likes me!"

Naruto says "Yeah, but I doubt Kurenai will let us watch her again.(to camera) I'm Naruto. Sasuke's a bad influence on little kids."

Sasuke says "I am NOT. Just watch, when she's older, she's gonna be a prodigy, all because I was her first sensei."

Sakura interupts "Actually, if you think about it, Kurenai is her first sensei-"

"I said...I'm her first sensei. So, I'm her first sensei. Kay, pinky? (to camera) Im Uchiha Sasuke. No really, I am. (to Sakura) You can say your name."

"Im Haruno Sakura!" (waves)

Naruto taps the camera lense "See ya!"


	19. Number 99 Newscast

XTheCherryOnTopX does not own Naruto, or NASA.

The camera starts in a dark room. Nothing can be seen. Suddenly, dramatic music is heard and lights are flashing, until it settles on Sasuke. He is sitting on a table in the middle of the room with some papers. He is wearing a business suit, and his hair is flat and shiny because of gel, except for one little sticklet standing straight up on the back of his head. He looks up at the camera, and gives it a "Rock Lee" grin.

"Good evening, and welcome to Action News-Sasuto Production # 99. I'm Jerald. (shuffles papers) Today, we have some very exciting news. First, the legendary sex offender, who has been patrolling the Village of Konoha for the past 15 years, has been caught, thanks to two very brave and daring cops, Sergeant Hugo Smith and Sherrif Mason Kent."

The camera cuts to Sasuke's house. Sakura walks up to the door, humming. When she rings the doorbell, Sasuke and Naruto come out. Sasuke is holding a basket of raw eggs, and Naruto has a plastic bag that has water balloons filled with paint. They both starts flinging balloons and eggs at Sakura, who screams.

"AHHH! WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!? STOP!!!!" Sakura screams, turning around and running.

"SLUT!!!" Naruto screams, flinging paint balloons. One hits Sakura one the back, leaving green. Another hits her leg, leaving red.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN GET INTO OUR PANTS!!!" Sasuke screams, and hurls eggs at her. They hit her shoulders, and her head. Egg drips from her hair as she runs frantically, screaming.

Sasuke runs forward, still pummeling Sakura with eggs, and then grabs her hands and pulls them behind her back. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, SASUKE?!?! LET ME GO!!!!"

"Naruto!!!" Sasuke orders.

Naruto hands Sasuke a pair of handcuffs, which Sasuke puts on Sakura. Naruto pulls a banana out of his kunai holster and puts it to his ear.

"Yeah, Sergeant Smith to HQ. Domestic legendary sex offender has been caught." He then proceeds to peel the banana and take a bite.

The camera cuts back to Sasuke, who is staring into a handheld mirror. "Hey, there, what's shakin'?" He says to his reflection. Naruto can't be seen because he is the cameraman, but he can be heard. "Jerald, we're on."

"Oh! (slams mirror onto table) In other news, the amazing new shampoo that was sweeping across the nation has.....been recalled! What critics were once calling a breakthrough in hair technology is now being locked up for apparently ripping off another company's recipe. The new brand name shampoo, **STFU**,(places a thin white cylinder shaped bottle on the table) was a sensation until now. What changed? Take a look."

The camera cuts to Naruto, who looks like he's been electrocuted. He is grinning stupidly at the camera. A random voice says _"Is you hair a crappy, shitty, fugly, fucking gross disaster?"_

Naruto nods excitedly. "Yeah!" he says enthusiastically.

The random voice says _"Do people mistake it for a bird's nest? Do __birds__ mistake it for a bird's nest?"_

"Yeah!" Naruto says again.

The voice says "_Well, then, __**STFU**__ is the right shampoo for you!"_

Naruto gasps, and holds up a bottle of **STFU**. He smiles a constipated smile.

The voice continues_ "__**STFU**__ is a clinical breakthrough and a advancement in hair technology! Originally developed by NASA, it gets into the deep roots of your hair, and replenishes it!"_

Naruto gasps again, and smashes the bottle of **STFU** against his face, giggling.

The voice continues _"So what are you waiting for? Go to your local drugstore and pick up a bottle of __**STFU**__ today!"_

The camera cuts to Neji, who is in the shower. The camera is carefully positioned so only his head-and nothing else-can be seen. Without looking at the bottle, he squirts a handfull of **STFU** on his head and begins scrubbing, humming happily. He pauses, frowning and brings his hand down. He screams when he sees what he's holding.

The camera cuts back to "Jerald", who has a serious expression on his face. "According to our reliable sources (a picture of screaming Neji in the shower shows up in the right hand corner of the screen), the shampoo was mayonnaise. There-fucking-fore, **STFU** is really to be used for deli sandwhiches! Now, let's go to the weather with Jared Jay Red."

The camera cuts to Naruto, who is wearing a suit, gelled hair, and a glue-on fake mustache. He smiles. "Thanks, Jerald. Now for this week- woops. (mustache falls off his lip and onto floor. He picks it up and sticks it back on his lip. The mustache is crooked and upside down) There we go. The weather is gonna be...uhh...(runs to window and looks outside) Um, cloudy and maybe sunny or rainy. Yeah....back to you, Jerald!"

The camera cuts back to "Jerald", who smiles. "Thanks, Jared. In other news, the 2008 Ninja awards are being held. We have reporter Tom Cruise at the sight live."

The camera cuts to Naruto, who is wearing a different suit. He also sports a wig, that is flat, light brown, and nerdy. He is standing in a dark alley, with a dumpster right behind him. He grins. "Good evening. I'm Tom Cruise. Here we are live at the 2008 Ninja awards! (points at dumpster) Now, I already got kicked out for trespassing, but what I can tell you is Uchiha Sasuke won Biggest Prick of The Year. Also, Hyuuga Neji won Slutface of The Year for the 3rd time in a row. Congragulations to both of them. Besides that, my information is very limited."

Jerald says "If you can hear me, Tom, try to find out more, ok?"

Tom says "You got it. Reporting live from the 2008 Ninja awards, Tom Cruise."

The camera cuts back to Jerald.

"Well, before today's news ends, we would like to inform our audience something very important. There is a new foundation dedicated to helping special needs swords. This is called the SOS foundation- short for Save Our Swords. I would like to inform you that the intention of this foundation is pure, and that if you can, please donate. Even the littlest amount can make a difference in a sword's life-"

Suddenly, random lights start flashing and the room goes black. Jerald's voice is heard "Hey, what's going on?"

Naruto (the cameraman) says "We ran out of screen time and we got cut off."

Jerald says "Oh...well, then, I guess our time's up. Thank you for watching Sasuto Productions Newscast Number 99! I'm Jerald, Sasuke, and Sheriff Mason Kent!"

Naruto's voice is heard "I'm Tom Cruise, Seargant Hugo Smith, and Jared Jay Red! Bye!"


	20. Number 100

The camera starts with Sasuke, who is pointing to the roof of Sakura's house and laughing. Sakura is seen screaming, in her pajamas, and running back and forth on the roof.

Naruto voice is heard "Hey camera, welcome to Sasuto Producion #100. I'm Uzumaki Naruto."

Sasuke laughs "Look at that bitch run!"

Sakura jumps off the roof. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?!" she screams.

Sasuke says "I felt like it."

Sakura screams "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, SASUKE?!? I NEVER DO ANYTHING TO YOU!! I'VE LOVED YOU EVER SINCE WE WERE LITTLE, AND YOU JUST-" Sakura breaks down sobbing.

Sasuke and Naruto stare at her. Suddenly, Sasuke turns to the camera. "Hey camera, I'm Uchiha Sasuke. Remember the name-"

"Don't you ignore me, Uchiha Sasuke!!" Sakura sobs.

Naruto gets down on his knees "Sakura-chan, I'm sure he didn't mean it-"

"SHUT UP, NARUTO! WHY ELSE WOULD HE DO IT?!?!" Sakura yells. Naruto flies ten feet backwards.

Sakura stands up so she and Sasuke are face to face.

"I've had it with you! You've become a total bastard ever since you came back!"

Sasuke corrects "No, I was always a bastard. You were just too busy fangirling to notice."

Sakura fumes "Just ONCE I'd like you to acknowledge me as an equal! Why couldn't you?!? Just once, even!"

Sasuke yells back "Because you're a bitch for no reason, you do nothing except stand around being useless and go 'Sasuke, Naruto, Sasuke!' on our missions, and you're as flat as a 10 year old boy! Quite frankly, I acknowledge Naruto more then you!"

Naruto yells "Woo-hoo!" and throws his arms up.

Sakura yells back "Well at least I have manners!"

"I have manners! I just chooses not to use them for the likes of you!"

"UGH!" Sakura stomps away, but Sasuke catches her arm because he ha noticed something.

"WHY DO YOU HAVE MY SCARF?" Sasuke hollers.

Sakura has a dark navy scarf with the Uchiha crest tied around her waist.

Sakura blushes "Well I-"

"That's it! I'm using my new jutsu! The Brain Killer Sasuke special!"

Sakura raises an eyebrow "So your gonna kill my brain?"

Sasuke says "Nope. I'm gonna pull of my scarf."

Sakura says "Then the name makes no sense!"

Sasuke laughs "It doesn't have to! Now gimme your scarf!"

"No!" Sakura screeches. She and Sasuke get into tug of war for the scarf.

"I said gimme!" Sasuke yells.

"No way Sasuke! Let go!"

"SIMON SAYS GIMME YOUR SCARF!!!"

"HAHA VERY FUNNY!!!"

"GIMME THE SCARF, GODAMMIT!"

"I SAID NO!!!"

The camera cuts to Naruto and Sasuke. They are sitting in Naruto's apartment. Sasuke has the scarf tied around his neck.

"Dude, you are SO childish." Naruto comments as Sasuke snuggles the scarf.

Sasuke snorts "Speak for yourself, dobe.(To camera) I'm Uchiha Sasuke. Today is our 100th production! Congrats to us!"

Naruto grins "Yup. Hey, is it true that the chunin exams are coming up again?"

"Yeah. Remember when we took it?? It sucked. I seriously think that the only reason we have the chunin exam is so that some of us will die."

"What do you mean?"

Sasuke imitates Tsunade's voice "Kakashi, Kurenai, Asuma and Gai. I'm making your kids take the chunin exams. I'm hoping some of them will die. They're annoying. Especially Sakura."

Naruto laughs "That's more like you then Tsunade no baachan, but ok."

Sasuke lies down on the bed "I wish Sakura would stop bitching me. She's been getting worse lately."

Naruto corrects "You've been getting worse lately. Putting her on the roof when she was asleep wasn't really nice, Sasuke."

Sasuke shrugs "It's not like she's gonna die. If she was really a kunoichi, she would suck it up."

Naruto snickers "Like the time Kakashi was training us before our first chunin exams?"

Sasuke laughs "Oh yeah! He put Sakura in a genjutsu so it looked like I was dying."

Naruto stands up "Yeah, Sakura was like this (imitates Sakura's voice) Oh no, Sasuke's in trouble! Time to jump into action!" Naruto falls straigt on his back in a fake faint.

Sasuke sighs "Yup. Good times, good times. Remember when we raided Neji's house?"

Sasuke and Naruto get dreamy looks on their faces.

"That was gold." Naruto sighs.

"Yeah."

"We're STILL on probation for it."

"Yeah...I'M GONNA GET THAT LITTLE PISS BACK!!!" Sasuke yells, and stalks out of the room.

Naruto yells "DUDE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING??!?"

"YOU HEARD ME!! I'M GONNA PUMMEL SLUTFACE!!!"

The camera cuts to Sasuke in Neji's backyard. He is repeatedly punching and kicking Neji, who is lying on the ground in a heap.

Sasuke yells while punching and kicking "Fuckbag! Slutface! Piece of shit!"

Naruto says "Sasuke, we have a rule. No beating up people when their unconcious. Remember?"

Sasuke retorts "Shut up, he's awake. (fakes Neji's voice) I'm Neji and I want Sasuke to beat me up. It's destiny!"

Naruto shakes his head "No more, Sasuke."

Sasuke says "Fine. I'm gonna throw Neji in the water, like so. (drags Neji to small pond in Neji's backyard) If he drowns, it's not my fault."

Naruto looks around "Hey, where's Tenten? Usually she'd be here screaming at us."

Sasuke smiles slyly "She's on a mission with Ino and Kiba. We picked the perfect time-"

"Nejiiii, I'm home!" A voice calls inside.

"Oh, shit!" Sasuke hisses.

Naruto says "Dude, hide!"

Sasuke jumps into a bush, along with the camera. Naruto looks around, but can't find anywhere to hide, so he uses the transformation jutsu to look like Neji.

Tenten comes out "Oh, there you are." she goes over to Naruto "I missed you." she leans in to kiss him. Naruto shrieks and backs up 10 feet.

Tenten frowns "What's wrong?"

Naruto says "Uuummmm.... I'm hungry! I want pie!"

Tenten squints "Neji, are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah...just fine!" Naruto laughs nervously.

Tenten smirks, and then walks over to him. Naruto finds himself pinned against a tree.

"I see. Maybe I just need to loosen you up." Tenten smirks and fingers the button on Naruto's shirt.

"Umm. I-I-"

Suddenly, Sasuke voice is heard "Stop right there!"

Tenten spins around "Sasuke! What are you doing here?!?!"

Sasuke points "Naruto, let's get out of here!"

Naruto sobs "WITH PLEASURE!!!"

Tenten is confused "Neji? Where are you going?!?"

Naruto transforms back to himself "I'm not Neji!"

Tenten gasps, then realizes "Then...where is the REAL Neji?"

Sasuke and Naruto stare at her for a moment. Sasuke coughs.

"Well? I'm waiting!"

Naruto points "He's in the pond."

Tenten screams "What?!?! (runs to pond) Oh my god!" and drags Neji out of the pond.

Sasuke whines "Awww Naruto! You ruined it!"

Tenten sobs "Neji, speak to me!"

Neji mumbles "I'm alive, Tenten...they're getting away."

Tenten gets mad and turns to Naruto and Sasuke, who are laughing and running away "HEY, YOU TWO! GET BACK HERE!"

Sasuke yells "IN YOUR DREAMS! HEY NEJI, DON'T FORGET TO USE A CONDOM!!!"

The camera cuts to Sasuke. He is sitting on a chair in the godaime's office.

Sasuke says "Hey camera. We got caught by the godaime, and I guess we're in trouble for beating up Neji. Naruto has his forehead protector/tiny camera on, so she won't know we're taping."

Tsunade walks in "You boys have been nothing but trouble for us." she announces.

Sasuke and Naruto say nothing.

"Once again, you've caused pain to an innocent person. Don't you have anything to say for yourselves?"

Sasuke says "Can I go home now?"

Tsunade gets mad "Enough out of you, Uchiha Sasuke! May I remind you, you are in no place to be badmouthing me! Now, I have decided your punishment. You both will spend your saturday- all day- doing community service."

Sasuke is appalled "Community what?!?"

"Community service. You two will be cleaning up Konoha."

Sasuke screams "BUT I'M AN UCHIHA!!!"

Naruto yells "AND I'M THE FOURTH'S SON!!!"

Tsunade sighs "And I'm Orochimaru. Listen, I got someone very special to watch over you to make sure you do a good job-"

Naruto interupts "Joe Jonas?"

Tsunade sighs "Yes Naruto, I got Joe Jonas to watch you guys clean up Konoha."

Sasuke tries to hold back his laughter.

Naruto says "...Really?"

The camera cuts to Naruto and Sasuke. They are sitting outside Naruto's apartment building looking bummed.

Sasuke looks up "This is NOT how our 100th production was supposed to go."

Naruto says "Oh well. (to camera) I'm Naruto. This Saturday, I will be Janitor Uzumaki."

Sasuke cries "I'm Sasuke. I can't believe I've been demoted to a janitor!" (sob)

Naruto pats his back "Don't worry Sasuke. It will all come out in the wash."

Sasuke looks up at him "What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?"

Naruto shrugs "I don't know. It just sounded kind. (to camera) We'll see you soon, camera!"

Sasuke waves at the camera. The screen goes black.


	21. Number 101

The camera starts with Sasuke. He is digging a large hole in the ground with a shovel. The hole is so deep only his hair can be seen sticking out as he continues shoveling.

Naruto's voice is heard "Dude, the camera's on."

"Alright." Sasuke jumps out of the hole and dusts himself off. He is wearing his regular clothes, but is covered in dirt. "How do I look?"

"Like a pig."

"You know what, Naruto? You look like a motherfucking pigeon. (to camera) I'm Uchiha Sasuke. Naruto's wearing his forehead protector/tiny camera."

Naruto's voice is heard "I'm Uzumaki Naruto. This is Sasuto #101. I don't think I'm gonna make an appearance today. (lies down) Dude, I wish it was Halloween."

Sasuke says "Uh, whatever. Did you finish digging your hole?"

Naruto says "Yeah. Over there." (points to small hole)

Sasuke gets pissed "That's too fucking small, dobe! How are we supposed to plant a tree in such a small hole?"

Naruto retorts "We're not planting trees, we're planting flowers!"

Sasuke says "Fine, then!" he grabs a packet of flower seeds and throws it into the giant hole he was digging earlier. "There!"

Naruto says "That's not how you plant flowers, teme!"

"Like you know any better! Why don't you come over here and do it yourself, smartass?"

"Fine!" Naruto goes over to Sasuke and takes the packet of seeds out of the huge hole. He goes over to his smaller one and tears open the packet, before carefully plant some of the seeds. He covers it with dirt and waters it, then stares at it lovingly. "Done."

Ibiki Morino appears. "Take your lunch break, now."

Sasuke answers "Alright. (Ibiki leaves) Dude, that guy is such a freakshow."

Naruto sits down on the grass "Isn't he? And here I was expecting Joe Jonas to watch us fix up Konoha."

Sasuke sighs "For the last time, dobe, Tsunade was fucking kidding. Kidding!"

"Sure, right. (looks up at sky) I want candy. Hey, let's go trick or treating later."

"But it's not even halloween."

"Who cares? Maybe someone will still give us candy!"

"Whatever." Sasuke opens his bento. "Hey, I got some chocolate."

Both boys take a piece of chocolate.

Sasuke complains "I hate fucking nuts in chocolate." and starts spitting out chocolate.

Naruto stares "Stop dude, that's so gross. It's like your crapping from your mouth."

"Shut up, faggot." Sasuke starts spitting chocolate on Naruto.

"Dude, what the hell? That's nasty!" Naruto stands up and stares at his chocolatey clothes.

"Fuck you." Sasuke takes another bite of chocolate. "Fucking nuts." he starts spitting again.

"Alright, stop fooling around. If your not gonna eat, get back to work." Ibiki approaches again.

"Here, have some." Naruto shoves chocolate in Ibiki's mouth before he can say anything.

Both Sasuke and Naruto watch as Ibiki chews slowly, and frowns. "What is this?"

Sasuke is apalled "You've never had chocolate before? What are you, some fucking cave man?"

Ibiki's eyes widen and his face turns pink. "CHOCOLATE? I HAVE A DEADLY ALLERGY TO CHOCOLATE!" and starts spitting chocolate.

Naruto turns to Sasuke "Dude, he's just like you."

Sasuke laughs and claps his hands "Damn straight!"

Ibiki starts foaming at the mouth.

Sasuke says "Hey dude, are you ok? You look like you have rabies or something."

Naruto sings "Rabies man! Rabies man!"

Ibiki falls on the ground, unconcious. Naruto and Sasuke just stand and stare at him for a few moments.

Naruto says "Hey dude. Should we get Sakura or something? He could be dead."

Sasuke shrugs "Nah, let's just leave him. He's not dead, look. He's still breathing. Since he's out cold, let's go have some fun!"

Naruto grins and then runs off, screaming "YEAH, FUN!"

The camera cuts to Naruto and Sasuke, who are approaching a playground.

Naruto says "Hey dude, isn't that Kurenai?" (points)

Sasuke squints "Hey yeah."

Kurenai is seen pushing her daughter on the swings. When she sees Naruto and Sasuke approaching, she gets an annoyed face.

"Hiya, sensei!" Naruto chirps.

"Hello Naruto...Sasuke." Kurenai says slowly.

Sasuke whispers "I guess she still hates our asses for teaching her daughter the f word."

Naruto gets on a swing "Push me, teme!"

"Alright, just wait a second." Sasuke gets behind and pushes Naruto. However, he pushes him too hard and Naruto falls off the swing.

Naruto gets up, pissed "Teme! What was that for?"

Sasuke shrugs "It's not my fault you can't hold onto the swing right."

Naruto yells "That doesn't mean you have to push me so hard, motherfucker!"

Sasuke yells back "It's a free village, I can do what I want, bitch!"

Kurenai yells "Hey you two, watch your language!"

Kurenai's daughter laughs "FUWCK FUWCK FUWCK!" and claps her hands.

Sasuke beams "Awww..."

Kurenai gets really pissed "Look what you've done! It's taken me over a month to get her to stop saying that, and you've just ruined it! Don't you know how bad this looks with my inlaws?"

Sasuke flips his hair "Sorry, Kunai-sensei-"

"It's Kurenai!"

"Alright, Kunai-sensei, whatever you say."

"Godammit!" Kurenai grabs her kid and leaves.

Naruto yells "IT'S NOT GOOD TO CURSE AROUND SMALL CHILDREN!"

Sasuke waves "BYE, KUNAI-SENSEI!"

"HEY YOU TWO! GET OVER HERE **NOW**!"

Naruto and Sasuke turn around to see Tsunade, Shizune, Kakashi, Sai, Sakura and Yamato all running towards them.

Sasuke strikes a pose "Bring it, bitches!"

Naruto grabs his collar and runs.

"YOU TWO HAD BETTER STOP RIGHT NOW!" Tsunade screams.

"NARUTO-KUN, SASUKE-KUN, PLEASE STOP! WE DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOUR PUNISHMENT EVEN WORSE!" Shizune screams.

"NARUTO! SASUKE! STOP, NOW!" Kakashi orders.

"YOU TWO ARE SO DEAD!" Sakura yells.

Sasuke screams "HOLY FUCK, THE DEMONS ARE AFTER US!"

Naruto yells "TEME WHERE DO WE GO?"

"OVER THERE!"

They continue running, and it looks like they're getting away, until Naruto trips.

"FUCK!"

"FUCK NARUTO!" Sasuke yells, and runs back to get him, but they notice they are surrounded.

Sasuke looks around at everyone for a moment, then falls to the ground "WE ARE SORRY, DEMON FOLK! PLEASE FORGIVE US AND SPARE OUR LIVES!"

Sakura cracks her knuckles "Very fucking funny."

Sasuke answers "I wasn't talking to you, Sakura. You should know I never include you in conversation."

Tsunade interupts "Shizune, bring them to my office IMMEDIATELY."

The camera cuts to Naruto and Sasuke in Tsunade's office.

Tsunade is seen sitting at her desk, a serious look on her face. On her left, Shizune, Sakura and Sai stand. On her right, Iruka, Kakashi and Yamato.

"We have tolerated you two long enough." Tsunade says calmly.

"We've tried everything. You boys just don't learn. Why? Why must you cause so much trouble? Now for the next month, you two are to not see each other. I will assign you separate missions so you are constantly busy."

Naruto says "What? You're gonna separate us? But grandmaaaa-"

Tsunade shakes her finger "No whining, Naruto. I will NOT tolerate it anymore. The elders have heard about your little antics. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to be told that I should be replaced if I cannot handle two little chunins?"

Sasuke interupts "I have to admit, they're right."

Tsunade yells "NOT ANOTHER WORD OUT OF YOU, UCHIHA SASUKE! YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO SPEAK TO! Now, both of you say your goodbyes to each other. You will NOT see each other again this month. Is that clear?"

Sasuke and Naruto stand up and stare at each other.

Sasuke says "Well dobe, it's been a long road. We've had our ups and downs."

Naruto nods "Yeah, it was fun. It's gonna be hard to let go..." (sniff)

Sasuke hugs Naruto "OH DOBE!"

Naruto sobs "TEME! I'LL MISS YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!"

"WHO ELSE IS GONNA HELP ME BEAT UP SLUTFACE?"

"AND WHO'S GONNA GO WITH ME FOR MIDNIGHT RAMEN?"

"WHO'S GONNA COMMENT ABOUT MY CHICKEN STYLE HAIR?"

"WHO'S GONNA GO TRICK OR TREATING WITH ME?"

"WHO'S GONNA HELP ME MAKE FUN OF PINKIE?"

Sakura's voice is heard "Hey!"

Sasuke glares at her "Don't interupt, bitch!"

"WHO'S GONNA DO SASUTO PRODUCTIONS WITH ME?"

Sasuke pulls off of Naruto. "I'll see you in one month, man. Good luck."

Naruto nods "You too."

The camera stops filming.

Yet, the camera starts again, showing Naruto in the dark, outside.

Naruto whispers "I know it's supposed to be finished, but Sasuke and I forgot to go trick or treating like we were supposed to."

Sasuke rubs his eyes "He woke me up 3 minutes ago to do this. It's, like, 3 in the morning, and every sane person is asleep."

"Shut up. This is the Sasuto Finale, we're not gonna get to do another production for a month." Naruto drags Sasuke down the road and they stop in front of a house which is entirely dark.

"Dobe, where are we?"

Naruto grins "Take a good look, Sasuke."

Sasuke stares at the house for a moment before realizing it's familiar "Ohh, yes. This can't get any better. This is perfect for a finale."

Naruto rings the doorbell a few times, until a familar face answers the door.

"What the hell do you want?" comes the question from Neji himself.

Naruto says in his normal voice "Trick-or-treat, prick. Give me some fucking candy."

"ARGGHH! SASUKE AND NARUTO! I'LL KILL YOU!" Naruto and Sasuke run as Neji follows them.

Sasuke and Naruto are both laughing insanely.

Naruto shrieks "I'm Uzumaki Naruto! BELIEVE IT BITCHES!"

Sasuke yells "And I'm Uchiha Sasuke! This is Sasuto #101! I hope you've enjoyed watching our shit! See you next time!"

The camera stops for the final time.


	22. Extra: Number 98

The camera starts with Sasuke. He is sitting at a table, slowly falling asleep. He snores lightly and drools from the side of his mouth.

Naruto's voice is heard gently "Neh teme, the camera's on."

Sasuke sits up immediately, wiping drool from his mouth. "Aaaaah, hi. This is Sasuke prod- I mean, Burrito pr- ahh, godammit!"

Naruto appears in front of the camera "This is _Sasuto_ production #98. I'm Naruto."

Sasuke says "I'm sleep deprived. And also Sasuke."

The crying sound of a baby is heard in the background. Sasuke begins to bang his head on the table.

Naruto turns to the camera "Well camera, this week, we have an assignment from the hokage as a mandatory mission. We've been paired off into groups of two and we all need to take care of a doll like its a real child. (to Sasuke) Hey dude, you know why we have to do this, right?"

Sasuke's voice is heard somewhere in the back "Oh, yeah. Remember how we had to babysit Kurenai's brat sometime back? Well, apparently, she thinks we didn't do a good job so she complained to Tsunade. Can you believe that? Ungrateful bitch."

Naruto "Yeah. So now, everyone has to do this assignment to make sure we all know how to take care of babies. Not only that, but it seems the rest of Konoha 13 is on our tails because it's apparently our faults we have to do this shit assignment."

Sasuke says bitterly "Kurenai, that bitch is fucking lucky she's a girl, cuz if she was a guy I would have ripped her apart, stuffed her in a bowl, and thrown her down an active volcano. Who the hell is she to comment on my babysitting skills? Besides, she's a bad example for other kunoichi of this village, getting pregnant out of wedlock. I mean, what if Sakura randomly came up to us one day and announced that she's leaving the team 'cuz she got knocked up?"

Naruto chuckles "That would only bother you, Sasuke."

Sasuke continues as if he hasn't heard him "I mean, she doesn't even have any skills in fighting! Genjutsu? She can't even handle simple sharingan, what kind of genjustsu expert is that? Saying we were playing DDR instead of watching her little brat..."

Naruto remembers "We _were_ playing DDR instead of watching her kid. And you know, we never settled that game."

Sasuke continues "Well, I'm gonna teach that bitch a lesson. I'm gonna blow everyone away by taking care of my and Sakura's kid so good, it'll be a slap to their fucking faces. And-"

Naruto says "Alright, Sasuke, quit your bitching."

Sasuke slams Naruto's head on the wall. "Fuckbag!"

"OW! SASUKE THAT HURTS!"

Sasuke appears in front of the camera, holding a doll that is emitting crying noises. "It was supposed to. (to camera) Look at this stupid baby. It's been crying for 2 fucking hours, I'm done with this shit." He throws it on the ground hard and kicks it.

Naruto gasps and quickly picks it up. "Bastard, go throw your own kid! (turns to camera) Anyways, we got to pick the person we want to work with, and my partner is Hinata! And this is our 'child'. Her name is Naomi."

Sasuke sighs "You have to name that thing?"

Naruto glares "Yes, as a matter of fact. Your supposed to treat this thing like it's really your child, Sasuke. The least you can do is name it. Anyways, where's yours?"

Sasuke yawns "It's with Sakura."

Naruto sits down on the couch to comfort "Naomi". "There, there, Naomi-chan, daddy's here." he says softly. Naomi stops crying.

Naruto pulls out a black marker and draws three whiskers on each cheek.

Naruto holds up the doll "I SHALL CALL IT MINI-ME!"

Sasuke stares at him as Naruto pulls out whiteout and begins whiting out the baby's eyes.

"Dobe... what are you doing?"

"Giving Naomi byakugan eyes so it has one of Hinata's traits."

"Ok..."

Sakura appears "Hey, guys! Sasuke-kun, its your turn to watch Kisuke-chan!"

Naruto giggles "Kisuke-chan?"

Sasuke growls "she wanted to name it. I let her. She named it after that guy from Bleach. (to Sakura) Keep it, I don't want it."

Sakura hands the doll over to Sasuke "You have to. It's time for my shift at the hospital. (to doll) Have fun with your daddy, Kisuke-chan! (to sasuke) You BETTER not screw this up, Sasuke, or I'll kill you."

Sasuke waves his hand "I'm an Uchiha, I can handle this. You just go work your shift or whatever."

Sakura leaves. As soon as the door shuts behind her "Kisuke" starts to cry.

"Fuck." Sasuke starts rocking the doll.

The camera cuts to Sasuke. He is still sitting on the couch in his apartment, still holding "Kisuke" in his arms and rocking it back and forth. His hair is sticking up in random directions and he looks like he's gonna cry.

Naruto's voice is heard "Dude, you've been rocking it for hours. Dump it with Sakura and let's go do something less boring."

Sasuke cries "I can't! Sakura's working at the hospital right now and she said if I don't take care of this thing she'll kill me. Hey, where's your doll?"

Naruto says "Hinata came and picked it up a few minutes ago."

Another whole ten minutes pass as Sasuke and Naruto sit on the couch and Sasuke continues to rock Kisuke, who continues to cry like no tomorrow.

Naruto is annoyed "Is that thing gonna stop crying?"

Sasuke says "I'm trying! The instructions said I have to comfort it, that's what I'm doing..."

"Can't you turn it off, there's no switch?"

Sasuke sighs "I already checked. There's nothing. All I can do is comfort it."

They sit for a few more seconds.

Naruto has finally had enough "Could it just _stop_? It's been going on for_ two fucking hours_! (leans to doll) Shut up, baby. SHUT UP!"

"Dude, stop it!" Sasuke shoves Naruto back, who gets up. "Dude, I'm outta here this is annoying."

Sasuke yells "No dobe, you can't leave! Help me with this demon child!"

Naruto takes the doll from Sasuke and starts rocking it. After a few moments, it stops crying.

Sasuke is apalled "You must have magical fingers or something. You hold it for 10 seconds and it shuts up!"

Naruto sighs "Thank god it stopped. It's so annoying, whiny, squeaky, it's like...like..."

"Like Sakura's voice!"

"Yeah...I guess that's why it's Sakura's child..."

"Ugh, yeah. Frickin' demon child. I'm probably the adopted father, there's no way this bitch is related to me." Sasuke leaves the doll on the couch, "C'mon dobe, we have some business to attend to."

Naruto jumps up "Now we're talking."

They both run around the living room before finally settling in front of the tv. Sasuke grabs the camera's tripod and positions it so their backs are being taped.

"You think you're ready, dobe?"

"Haha, are YOU sure your ready, teme?"

"Feh. I was BORN ready."

"Bring the heat."

"Don't worry. It. Will. Be. Brought."

Sasuke and Naruto both step on the X.

_"IT'S DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION TIME! LET'S DDR! SELECT YOUR STYLE!"_

"OH YEAH! LET'S BLOW THIS JOINT!" Naruto yells.

"YOUR GOING DOWN, DOBE!" Sasuke screeches.

"NOT IF I CAN HELP IT TEME!" Naruto screams back.

Behind them, on the couch, Kisuke starts to wail.

"SHUT UP DEMON CHILD!" Sasuke yells.

_"3, 2, 1.."_

"SASUKE, COUNTDOWN!" Naruto yells.

"ALRIGHT!"

Both boys continue their DDR, with Kisuke crying in the background.

After a while, Kakashi appears in front of the camera. He grabs Sasuke by the collar and pulls him off.

"Kakashi, what the hell! I had a perfect score and you totally ruined it!" Sasuke yells. Kakashi rolls his visible eye.

"I have to pop in and randomly check on you guys once in a while to make sure your doing your jobs right. Sasuke, your kid's crying and your playing DDR. Is that what you do?"

Sasuke sulks and goes over to the couch. Kakashi turns to Naruto.

"And where's your kid?"

"He's with Hinata, sensei!"

"Alright."

Sakura appears "Sasuke-kunnnn, Kisuke-channn, I'm back!"

Kakashi turns "Sakura, your fake husband is playing DDR instead of watching your son like he was supposed to."

Sakura slowly starts turning red "What! SASUKE!"

The camera cuts to Naruto, Hinata, Sakura, and Sasuke standing slightly behind her, in that order, outside. They are staring at something. Naruto picks the camera up by it's tripod and turns it slowly to reveal a sandbox. "Naomi" and "Kisuke" are seen sitting in the sandbox. Obviously, they just lie there because they aren't real.

"Aww, young love." Sakura sighs and claps her hands lovingly. Sasuke rolls his eyes.

"Why are we going this? It's not like they're actually gonna do something."

Sakura pinches Sasuke's cheek "Stop talking about our son like that, Sasuke!"

Sasuke swats Sakura's hand away "Don't tell me what to do, pinkie. And that's not my son. It's a fake doll that we have to take care of because the godaime thinks we're incapable of raising children. Don't make me stick you in a trash can again."

Sakura pouts and looks away.

Naruto wonders "Hey Sakura-chan, are you ok? Are you on your period or something?"

Sakura gets really mad "SHUT IT NARUTO!" and slaps his head hard.

"OW!" Naruto clutches his head.

Sasuke takes a deep breath "Pinkie, if you touch dobe again, you can say goodbye to your hands."

Sakura pouts and looks away, again.

Suddenly, distant yelling is heard in the background.

Hinata says "Do you hear that?"

Naruto says "Hear what?"

Sakura frowns "Hey, yeah...(turns in a circle, looking) Hey look, it's all of our friends! (waves) HEY GUYS!"

Sasuke realizes what's going on "Sakura, no!"

Tenten yells "THERE THEY ARE! HEY YOU BASTARDS!"

Neji is sobbing "THIS EVIL LITTLE THING KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT! ALL. FREAKING. NIGHT!"

Shikamaru sighs "Definitely the most troublesome thing ever."

Kiba screams "NARUTO! SASUKE! YOU TWO ARE GONNA GET IT!"

Sai says "I have a son, and he doesn't even have a-"

Ino stops him "NOT NOW, SAI!"

Sai says "But our son doesn't have a-"

"NOT NOW!"

"Fine..."

Lee appears "LOOK AT MY CHILD! ISN'T HE JUST THE EPITOME OF YOUTH? I CALL HIM GAI II BECAUSE HE LOOKS JUST LIKE HIM!"

Everyone stops yelling to look at Lee's kid. It's dressed in green spandex and a picture of Gai sensei's face taped to it's face.

"Oh, god..."

Hinata faints.

The group, minus Lee, Sakura and Hinata, all corner Naruto and Sasuke.

Naruto (to camera) "I'm Naruto."

Sasuke wonders "You're ending it now?"

"Yeah, before we die."

Sasuke turns to the camera "I'm Sasuke."

Naruto remembers "Hey, we STILL haven't finished our DDR game..."

Sasuke chuckles (to angry people) "Can't we talk about this?"

Tenten growls "Not this time."

Naruto whines "C'mon guys, how were we supposed to know Kurenai would complain about us and get us in this mess?"

Sakura realizes "Wait, it's your fault we have to do this assignment?"

Sasuke says "Hey Naruto, do you hear something?"

Naruto says "Yeah, it's really annoying and squeaky, like a chipmunk..."

Sakura says "Hey, I'm talking to you!"

Sasuke turns to her, his expression in shock. "_No_. You did _not_ just call us out. (to Naruto) Hey Naruto, _Sakura_ is gonna call us out! (to Sakura) What're you gonna do, scream at us?"

Naruto bursts out laughing.

Sakura lunges at Naruto, who screams, but before Sakura can get to him...

"KATON: GOUKAKYUU NO JUTSU!"

"Aaaahh, Sasuke-kun!"

"I WARNED YOU, HARUNO SAKURA, SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR HANDS!"

The camera cuts to Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura, all sitting in that order.

All three have a variety of cuts, scrapes and bruises all over them. The ends of Sakura's hair is burned.

They all continue to sit quietly, frowning and not speaking, as Shizune comes in.

"Luckily, none of you are seriously injured. Be careful next time you three are sparring, ok?"

None of them speak as Sakura leaves and Naruto grabs the camera, and Sasuke grabs the tripod. The two leave, and continue walking through Konoha's alleys until Sasuke's apartment building comes into view. They continue into the building, up the stairs, and into Sasuke's apartment. Naruto turns the camera to face Sasuke.

Sasuke collapses on the couch "I'm Sasuke Uchiha. Man, what a day. I'm exhausted."

Naruto puts the camera on the tripod "Finally, some peace and quiet."

Sasuke nods "I know, right?"

Naruto nods "No Sakura, no annoying fake babies screaming..."

"Hey dobe, where are those dolls?"

Naruto taps his chin "Hmm, I'm not sure..."

Sasuke sits up "The last place we had them was the sandbox. Did we ever pick them up?"

Both sit, frozen on the couch for a moment, before running around the apartment screaming.

"CALL HINATA!" Naruto yells.

"CALL SAK- wait, don't. She'll just bitch at us." Sasuke makes a face.

Naruto reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little orange book.

Sasuke wonders "What's that?"

Naruto says "My phone book, incase I need to randomly call someone."

Sasuke says "Dobe...that's kinda girly."

Naruto yells "Shut up! I need to be prepared!"

"Whatever." Sasuke grabs the phone and throws it at Naruto "Dial! (to camera) I'm Sasuke. It seems we can't do anything right, huh?"

Naruto looks up from his little phonebook "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and- hello? (to phone) Hi, this is Naruto. Is Hinata home?...What? No, I'm not her secret boyfriend, I need to speak to her about an assignment, it's very important!...What, no Hiashi-sama I'm not a stalker, I-...EXCUSE ME?...YOU UGLY OLD BASTARD!...THAT'S RIGHT, I-...FEH, I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE! I'M GONNA BE THE NEXT HOKAGE, JUST WAIT AND SEE, FAG!"

Sasuke sighs "See ya."

The camera stops filming.


End file.
